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What am I doing wrong?

(31 Posts)
Soutra Fri 06-Dec-13 23:57:36

I undertook to organise our Book Group Christmas lunch today - emailed pub, got menus, collated choices, liaised with pub re times et and took round a cheque for the deposit. I also baked cardamom shortbread biscuits, put 6 each in little cellophane bags from Lakeland, tied a bit of ribbon round the top, attched a Christmas tag to say" Happy Christmas, love from Soutra "and put one at each place.
While I did not expect a speech, bouquet or even undying gratitude I am feeling let down that only 1 person has sent me an email to say it was lovedly (it was - gorgeous meal) thanks for arranging and thanks for the biccies. Is it unreasonable to think that one expresses thanks for even a small gesture? It was drummed into me as a child and I wonder if I am wrong to expect it from others? it is like when you have friends round for a meal, or to stay - a quick text/email/phone call just to say "Thank you" the next day is the least I would expect to do. AIBU?

Agus Sat 07-Dec-13 00:12:56

They sound like an ungrateful bunch to me Soutra. Not to acknowledge the work involved organising the event plus the personal touch of the shortbread is the height of bad manners, as my DM would tell me as she drummed into me how important good manners were.

LizG Sat 07-Dec-13 00:22:39

No doubt you will be asked to do it again next year 'because it was so amazing last year' and that will be the first you know of how much they enjoyed your efforts. Have to say W.I. is very good at saying 'thank you' and we have a particularly good president this year who sends lots of cards.

Notso Sat 07-Dec-13 06:16:22

Didn't they thank you after the meal?

FlicketyB Sat 07-Dec-13 07:10:20

Soutra with you all the way, it was bad manners, but some people are like that. I was brought up like you, to always say thank you and I will always thank people who do things for me, including arranging events.

kittylester Sat 07-Dec-13 07:17:34

You are not being unreasonable soutra they are a rude ungrateful bunch! Unless you get a lovely plant and card on Monday. tchhmm. I expect you will be really busy next Christmas.

Lona Sat 07-Dec-13 08:19:46

Soutra, there's no excuse for bad manners, and if I were you I wouldn't be organising that, or anything else, for them again.

It costs nothing to say thanks and there seems to be a sense of entitlement these days, that really ticks me off!

sunseeker Sat 07-Dec-13 09:06:18

Total bad manners. A few years ago a friend and I decided we would do a Christmas lunch for the members of a group we belonged to (there were 10 people in the group). We suggested it to the group and they were all enthusiastic and gave us dates they could come. So we sent out invitations and received replies saying all could attend. On the day we prepared and cooked the lunch (well my friend cooked - I can burn water!). I decorated the room and table and everything looked lovely - we even had carols playing softly in the background. My friend and I had also paid for everything. Only 2 people turned up! No phone calls to say people weren't coming, no calls or emails later with excuses - nothing.

A few days later my friend and I got together to discuss what had happened and realised that whenever anything was organised by the group it was us that did the organising, often it was us who came up with the ideas. Shortly after we both left the group and when I met one of the members a year later she told me that the group wasn't very good now as they didn't do anything and that most people had now left.

Aka Sat 07-Dec-13 09:08:10

I rarely send texts or emails after an event as I prefer to say 'thank you' there and then. I'm shocked if no one said that. As it was only yesterday it would be nice to hope you'll recieve more 'thank yous' today tchhmm

petra Sat 07-Dec-13 09:15:09

So are you going to continue with the Book Club, Soutra. I know what I would do.

Aka Sat 07-Dec-13 09:24:12

PS Your OP asked 'What am I doing wrong?' Soutra YOU are not doing anything wrong.

dorsetpennt Sat 07-Dec-13 09:40:17

From bitter experience there are those that organise and those that partake. Sadly those that partake are ungrateful to the organisers. Learn a lesson here, sadly.
P.S. Sounds like you went to a lot of trouble I'd have taken you out for lunch (flowers)

Agus Sat 07-Dec-13 09:42:45

flowers. This is what you should have received from them Soutra. They are the ones in the wrong, not you.

ginny Sat 07-Dec-13 09:49:22

Nothing you are doing wrong . It is really bad if they didn't at least thank you after the meal. Sadly, there are many people who enjoy going to events but never arrange them and don't realise the time and effort that goes into them. Let someone else do it next time.

annodomini Sat 07-Dec-13 10:20:58

What an ungrateful bunch they are, Soutra. They don't deserve you. Just leave it to someone else next time - if there is an next time. Our NWR has an annual Christmas dinner. The first year I was local organiser, I stood up at the end of the meal and thanked the member who had arranged the meal. Everyone looked a bit surprised and nobody has done it since which is a pity. of course, I thanked the member who organised the meal this week. It involves quite a lot of coordinating. I should know - I did it last year.

sherish Sat 07-Dec-13 11:21:41

Definitely bad manners. I'm afraid I wouldn't be willing to do it again. They don't deserve you. I would have been thrilled with the biscuits too, how thoughtful.

glammanana Sat 07-Dec-13 11:26:47

Soutra Such bad manners all around if you ask me and I would make sure that they knew how I felt I bet they would be the first to moan if something is not organised next year though.
I have just finished putting together the final list for our Christmas meal here on our small supported housing development for the past 4 years I have invited all the redisents to a celebratory lunch at a local pub and most of them partake and enjoy meeting up,some of them never see each other as they may be housebound but they have always thanked me for my time & effort which I must say is not too time consuming really the only difficulty is making sure they are all ready on time.
flowers for you Soutra you deserve them.

Granny23 Sat 07-Dec-13 11:29:03

Anno That's the way to do it - jump in quick to be the one who pours effusive thanks on the organiser, get brownie points from everyone, particularly the one who did all the hard work and the payoff next year when the organiser, basking in appreciation, agrees to do it again. (and you don't have to lift a finger) grin

goldengirl Sat 07-Dec-13 12:17:19

A thank you doesn't hurt anyone and costs peanuts if anything at all. I always send an email after an event or a card if a person isn't online. I even text my son's partner if I pop in to see her if I've not seen her for a while as she always makes me welcome and my daughter too if we've had a nice time out together that she's arranged. Good manners were dinned into me and I must say they've paid off during my life.

Nonnie Sat 07-Dec-13 12:49:31

I think it was ever thus!

I wouldn't leave the group but in plenty of time next year I would ask whose turn it is to do it. Then if you manage to get someone to do it you can ask all the others to contribute £1 towards a gift for the organiser because you understand how much is involved. You can make a little thank you speech and suggest that they nominate the person to do it next year straight away!

Soutra Sat 07-Dec-13 12:51:36

I am so glad I'm not in a minority of one then!!
Actually I have forgiven them now - it took till just a few minutes ago to get a thank you email from all bar one who I know perhaps isn't the best at emailing - we have had communication problems with her before when trying to arrange dates for meetings.
Just as well, as I was on the point of kicking the book group into touch (to answer your question, petra) which would have been a shame as I enjoy meeting and discussing our choice of books but I felt so miserable and somewhat rejected after the little gift of biscuits ! (stupid,really) but when you put yourself out for people and add a little gesture, it can be hard when it seems to have been ignored.
So the season of goodwill gets a second chance. Thank you for all the flowers it's like a conservatory in here now!!

Galen Sat 07-Dec-13 13:26:42

Hope it's not like my conservatory, at the moment that's full of all the glasses crockery etc that are being stored there until I can find a carpet fitter! (CBA to put them all back and then empty them all in a few weeks time)

kittylester Sat 07-Dec-13 14:33:55

Glad they behaved in the end Soutra tchsmile

Soutra Sat 07-Dec-13 16:43:08

Yep!! They are all forgiven now - the last (very charming) "Thank you" came through 20 minutes ago. O me of little faith tchgrin

kittylester Sat 07-Dec-13 17:06:33

Cynically, one might imagine that they are worried that they may have to do it next year! tchshock

Or, worse, one of them is on GN, read the thread and got a guilty conscience. tchshocktchshock