Christmas toys back at my house...

Bit of a tricky one. I must say that my mother would go over the top, just buying more "stuff" for the pleasure of seeing them open it, while I was left with the problem of where on earth was it all going to go? (Not that I was especially house proud!)

From what you say, it doesn't seem as if you have gone overboard with the presents, but she might see it differently.

I think that there is a conversation to be had before next Christmas.

We only buy small token presents for our DGC at Christmas as they get so much stuff, and give money towards swimming, riding, dance lessons. Keeps everyone happy.

I check with my daughter before buying Christmas or birthday presents and only get what she requests for the children. And I am under strict instructions NOT to go out buying cute girly outfits because they have plenty!!
NfkDumpling money towards classes/lessons is a good idea. I'll suggest that for the next round of birthdays

My DD used to do that, Aka, when the girls were younger, as they had so much stuff and I think she wanted them to have something different to play with when they were here (and the 'clutter' problem probably played a part, too!).

She doesn't do it now because they end up taking things back home and bringing other things to show us next time they come! Perhaps your DIL thinks you'd enjoy seeing them play with what you've bought them?

My thoughts to Ana and having different toys at nana's house makes it so much more special when you go to play there.

Do the children spend a lot of time at your house? Seems odd to me. My grandkids would never allow their new stuff to be left here.

All the 'building' toys have to come home to us, as, my Dsil wouldn't know where to start, bless him, and my OH loves them.

I sometimes wish more toys worked their way back here sooner [there are a few games that I've bought and we've never played them]. Most things end up back here anyway so that I can, if needed pass them on to my son if he starts a family. The S.O. always used to leave presents at my house; it reached a point where my kids now only give him usable things, like bottles of wine. I have a picture on the wall next to me now that I bought for him [although, in general I don't buy people paintings as it's too personal a taste and embarrassing if they don't want to put them up in their house]. I buy fewer and fewer things for the grandchildren these days as my daughter is ruthless at throwing things out, and I don't get much pleasure from buying super hero toys [which is what they want]. Harry Potter being the exception to that.

I know DD doesn't mind what toys are where. Our two DGDs are here twice a week with occasional nights staying over. Normally what we buy the girls stay at ours but mostly we leave it up to the them to decide where they want to keep their toys. Before Christmas I do a bit of a clear out at ours, some for the bin, some for charity with the girls agreement and the rest stay put.

I've reached the stage of 'whatever' for my own sanity and as long as the girls are happy with their decisions, that suits me. I have long given up trying to analyse the way my DDs mind works. That way lies madness

I say very firmly to DD to buy a present for each child from us and give her the money so that they get what she wants them to have, they want and saves me a despairing moment in JL. We say our price limit and we give her a sum by direct debit each month for extra curricular activities. I do buy books because I love them loving books.

I hope you aren't feeling that your presents are rejected by your DIL, Aka? I can see why you might but personally I'd welcome the opportunity to see the grandchildren playing with your presents at your home. It's nice to have some special things at grandma's...

Kids get so many these days that they can be spoilt for choice so we bought clothes and sparkly red shoes for our GD and gave them to her when we babysat last weekend - she was thrilled, partly because she loves to dress up and partly because they were the only presents she had at that time. I've seen what Santa left her and she was overwhelmed! When she comes to visit tomorrow our house will seem sadly short of toys by comparison! It's her 3rd birthday in two weeks and we're putting some cash into her savings - she won't miss more toys from us!

The number of toys at my house seems to increase after every visit - but that is useful when they visit.

Aka - do the children get to make a choice about what they take home and what is left?

I only wish some things would be left here, as I buy things for them to play with here and find they all go home with them. This year I am quietly siphoning off some things and putting them away. I think leaving some things with you is very sensible, it makes it more exciting when they come to see you.

My grandchildren don't seem to be able to distinguish their house from mine. I have heard one granddaughter tell a new friend that "we live two houses down", pointing at my house, and one of my grandsons announced excitedly, "we've got beans growing in our garden", meaning mine. So if toys I have bought gravitate here, then I am not at all surprised – they're just a rather nicer extension of the socks, swimming towels, cardigans and tee shirts that find their way into my laundry basket.

Absent you are clearly enjoying every minute
Aka Good advice from the others. I now do what Nfk does.

Thank you all for your advice. To answer some of the questions.
* Yes, the GD are here 3 days a week, all day.
* They have loads of toys here to play with and these get updated often.
* Yes, I feel my toys are being rejected.
* No, the GDs get absolutely no choice in what they take home and what is left. The GSs get a choice (cousins) it's a completely different regime and I look after the GSs too, often at the same time,

If they were older I'd give them money instead, but they are 2 & 4. I know my son is embarrassed by this. I think a conversation is long overdue.

I thought it just happened to me! My house has more toys in it than DD's! But DGSs bring and take their toys back and forward. I also 'inherit' toys they have grown out of for when younger DGCs come to stay.

Can't the toys live at their own house in their own rooms, and then they choose what to bring to yours? They ought to have the full ownership.

Am I overthinking this?

Which is what judthepud said really.

If it's messy – paints, modelling clay, tie-dyeing – it comes here. If it has a battery and makes a noise, it comes here. I can't think why.

Reading your replies I'm realising its not my problem but poor DiL who has an issue with trying to keep her house extra neat and tidy. I tend to let play get quite messy and then shove everything back in boxes in the conservatory when the GC get picked up. She likes things put away before others are got out, which is commendable.
I feel less hurt now so thank you all

Aka my DGCs are 2,3 and nearly 4 and I gave them a couple of books each, the American ones had a packet of stars that glow in the dark to put on their bedroom ceilings, and the British one had a small toy with buttons which plays various tunes. I sent the parents money for the children to be used as the parents see fit.
The musical toy which cost £5 was DGD's favourite present.
I don't think that age-group is at all too young to learn that sometimes the cheapest things are the most valuable. Some parents could do with learning that too.
Perhaps your DiL simply feels that the children have 'too much'.

She does sound a bit 'anal' Aka, it's a shame, she isn't really enjoying her children. I was a bit the same!

The only objection I have re presents are the ones given to children who can't read yet and only an adult can assemble. Where's the fun or sense of achievement in that for children?