Denied Contact? How to move forward?

Of course, having said all that, it occurs to me that someone is bound to use the thread for research – possibly a student, possibly a journalist.

I don't think anything has been offensive at all; constructive, friendly and
helpful, yes. "Moving forward" are the key words, surely?

I agree with absent - leave 'em to it.

Precisely Tigertiger we don't like aggression seeping on to the COOTL thread. Perhaps you should read your post, and in particular the associated comments, then you will understand why what's been said has caused such offence.

We are not lashing out at those with a different point of view, we are defending those who we believe are being unfairly and unjustifiably criticized.

Posters on COOTL don't make derogatory comments about this thread, so why do posters on this thread think they have the right to make derogatory comments about COOTL thread?

There was a thread set up recently about posters reading other posts before putting on one of their own; I wish some posters would read their own posts before posting their messages, perhaps then they would see how inappropriate they are.

At the risk of incurring your wrath again.........'We'? Smileless? Are you speaking for an in-group, because that's how it's been feeling. That others are not welcome on 'your' thread and we should not express differing views if they don't fit with yours. I hope we can get back to how everyone talks to everyone on ALL the threads. You have so much support and hope being sent your way, but this hostility is destructive. Please let's have no more of it, as we have so much in common concerning the feelings you all have for your grandchildren.

Thank you Absent and Ana for proving my point. Yet more derogatory comments about COOTL and the ladies who post on that thread.

Eh? I don't think either of us 'proved your point' smileless, but there's obviously no point in trying to flog a dead horse.

Well said smileless. Absent your comments are very inaccurate no one is ever not welcomed on our thread.

I have notice when posting on other threadsI am quite often ignored c'est la vie.

So sad that this them and us sort of post Ana is not very constructive do you think ?

Yes tiger if your read your post again it will become clear how you offended.

Surprised at the lack of compassion by some posters.

Anyway, getting back on track ...

Penstemmon, that memory box idea from the lady at the WI sound interesting - are you going to give it a go?

Do any of you find physical activity helpful when you are feeling down? I've come to love jogging as a way of clearing my head of the 'noise'. When I can't do anything physical I tend to find I get really irritable and the negativity starts to creep in.

Whenim it is obvious that it is not question of expressing different viewpoints it is downright hostility and offensiveness.

I for one wish to say no more smileless has expressed it very eloquently and politely.

How sad that others could not also but chose to be offensive.

Tiger tiger we walked our little King Charles long way today and it was wonderfully therapeutic ! Mentally as well as physically despite my breathlessness !

Nonsense.

Insensitive? Unkind? Insults? Affronted? Aggression? Hostility? Offensiveness?

Paranoia?????????

Gosh elegran another insult?

Really Ana "leave em to it"!! You certainly did prove my point.

As one who is estranged from a daughter and grandchildren I gave up posting on the COOTL thread because it was not helpful to me, but I have continued to read other posts there. When I read Tigertiger's post I was delighted that here was someone taking the trouble to offer constructive comments and I'm really sorry that they were dismissed in a manner that I find most unusual on Gransnet.
Thank you Tigertiger for your helpful observations and welcome to Gransnet.

GA This group are happy to keep their conversation going back and forth amongst themselves, other suggestions are not welcome and are seen as aggression. TigerTiger had them bang to rights in her first post.

Leave them to it is exactly the best advice for all. I would not dream of offending them by saying another word about their situation.

The group I mean are the COOTL group. This thread is about ways to move on from heartache.

It is not MY thread Whenim, yours or a thread that belongs to any one poster. It is a thread to show compassion, love and support for those in need.

I always give others' points of view the respect they deserve, but I have no respect for posters who unfairly criticize and judge ladies who, although I have never met them, I consider to be my friends.

It seems to me that there is a distinct lack of respect for the posters on COOTL that does not happen on other threads. It is very sad, but no less true. And when posters on the COOTL thread are not receiving this treatment on that thread, that is the treatment they also receive when they come on this thread.

And the good news, well the posts on this thread have almost doubled!

If people want to form a support group on one particular thread is it anybody's right to deny them that?

I read Tigertiger's post and thought he brought a new perspective, but perhaps this is not what that thread is about. There is comfort to be found from others who have, and are continuing to have, the same painful experience.

If only I could have found just one person to talk to who has experienced the pain I went through when my grandson died, just one person to listen and understand....but there was no one. Do not deny these grandmothers their support of each other. They do not need 'solutions' they just need someone to listen. '

Aka, your post is very moving- thank you. I am so sorry for your loss.

But, as I understand it this thread is about looking for positive ways to move forward. So let's get back on the positive vein and wish all posters peace and healing.

I was reading this article this morning and was wondering if anyone had tried the tips suggested at the end? If so, how did it work for you?

http://www.healthylifect.com/home/article/Reconciling-Isn-t-Easy-but-it-s-Possible-4301289.php

I am now the third generation of my family to be in this situation and I am determined to break the cycle. Anger and hatred has been past down through the family and to my mind it must stop! Family members have died without reconciling and the pain of never being able to go back and correct those mistakes is horrendous.

I thought an interesting point made in the article was about how perhaps given the intensity of family relationships, rifts are actually considered to be more of a norm than first thought. What do you think?

I think this thread is the place to discuss moving on and the COOTL thread is the place for mutual comfort. There is much to be gone through before people are ready to move on.

Though not a bereavement, there are similar feelings to be worked through, such as denial, anger, etc. And people need to work through such feelings. Unlike a bereavement when all hope is gone, there is still the possibility of a 'result' but equally there is also possibility that the situation can be exacerbated by either side and so the cycle of pain goes on.

I repeat, on the COOTL thread they do not need advice or solutions they just need someone to listen.

PS 'yes, but....' isn't listening

Interesting points Aka. In that spirit, let's get back on track over here and focus on what this thread is about.

Anyone got any more positive suggestions they have found has worked for them? Doesn't have to be 'the big answer!' just things that make you or your significant other feel better or brings peace.

For me, exercise and setting goals seems to help. I love projects that I can throw myself into (I'm one of those projects btw ;-)) I love planning out my garden and I'm dipping a toe into property development! It's exciting and scary at the same time but I'm learning new things about myself all the time. Anyone else embarking on something new?

Truly.....'There's none so blind as those who will not listen'

Quote by Neil Gaiman: quite in rightful for a 'young man'.

And very insightful Absent for spotting that.