Facebook rant

Sometimes we have to live through the hurt caused. You can't 'tough it out' - she's your daughter; you're bound to feel pain with all this.
Totally agree with not doing anything to make matters worse. What's important is repairing the damage somehow, rather than being 'right', however unfair and unjust this indoubtedly is. As Eloethan says, your DD might have mental health problems, undiagnosed, which have caused her to react in this way. Big hugs coming your way - I know I'd be heartbroken if it was me. I sometimes find Facebook a mixed blessing, for various reasons, and this is a case in point. There was a time when my DD didn't like our response to something she'd told us and rather than keep this private and in the family, she chose to broadcast it over Facebook, rather hurtfully. In the end I emailed her (we were away on holiday at the time) and as gently as I could, said that there would always be times when we didn't agree, for one reason or another, but that we'd been hurt by the fact that what we thought was a private family matter was now subject to the judgement of other Facebook users. I didn't rant (though I wanted to!) and finished by saying that we loved her no matter what.

She deleted the Facebook posting without further ado, to our relief.

I hope your daughter will do likewise - it's more important to sort differences out within the family. Thinking of you, Thistledo!

I think we all realise from reading posts on here, how very many people and families have problems, usually mental health problems in some shape or form. It's so common, and yet so [generally] pushed under the carpet.As Mothers, we always tend to blame ourselves, but usually it's out of our control isn't it? They grow up, and they are the way they are, it's genetics, character etc. A bitter pill to swallow when it's your own son or daughter though.Once you have 'made peace' with this idea [because you can't fight it] all you can do is to be there for them when you can [but allow yourself to do happy things too.]This is what I have come to realise.
You are a good and stable influence for your little grand-daughter thistledoo and as she grows up will appreciate you more and more.

FlicketyB thank you for your message and yes we worry constantly that DD outbursts might indeed happen behind closed doors, and affect my little DGD. But she never says anything to us and we are a bit afraid to question her. She definitely loves her mummy very much and I feel it would be inappropriate to put her under any pressure. I have to be very careful not to jepordize our relationship as I do much of the childcare.
Thank you all again for you kind words and helpful advice.

A member of my family has/had filters in their ears and would get very upset about their interpretation of anything you said. It is very wearing to keep editing and thinking about everything you say and how they might misinterprete it, even then everything still got misinterpreted.

My biggest worry in this case would be whether Thistledoo's daughter behaves like this with her own daughter and how this is affecting the child.

I use Facebook as a way of connecting with my son overseas so I am on it a lot.
If it is any consolation the newsfeed on Facebook is changing constantly so any post in public view tends to be there for a very short time. I would imagine it is now buried beneath a ton of trivia and would be hard to find.
I hope your situation improves

Thistledoo I haven't see. your other posts, but you aren't a wimp.
Turning the other cheek, and not responding in anger, requires courage and strength, which you clearly have.

thistledoo This must have been very upsetting.

Like POGS I also wondered if possibly your daughter might have some mental health issues or perhaps suffers with severe PMT.

It's unfortunate that this sort of tirade can be posted on Facebook but I feel sure that anyone who is sensible would realise that it is unfair to make such wounding remarks on a public forum.

Looking at it from a slightly different point of view, and in no way condoning her hurtful and immature behaviour, the altercation that you describe as trivial was presumably the trigger for her outburst. If so, it wasn't trivial to your daughter and it might be worth trying to analyse what exactly had upset her - it may not have been what you said but what she imagined you were saying.

thistledoo, hugs and date slices await you in soop's kitchen.

Thistledoo ((hugs)) Relax, release, let it go. If you can.

Hello Thistledoo, sorry to hear it's gone up a notch (I remember your previous posts). Look after yourself

Hello Pogs, thank you for your reply, and you are right to spot some abnormal behaviour. Although DD has never been diagnosed with anything specific we have thought for a long time that her nature does fit with having some sort of personality disorder. It is quite sad and extremely difficult to cope with. But I'm so glad I have posted on here as it has been very cathartic and made me determined to try and put this public incident behind me. My priority is of course my DGD and I have to continue supporting her in the best way I'm able. Unfortunately I am a sensitive sort of person, not a fighter and definitely not tough. (whimp)
Wish I could toughen up a bit, even if its just to cope with DD violent outbursts.
Petallus maybe you could give me a few tips or coping stratagies.
Thank you all so much for your support.
I'm off to Soops kitchen extension now for a cup of tea a date slice, if there is any left.

Thistledo.

I can imagine how you feel. Hurt, cross, sick to the stomach.

As mentioned I am sure those around you know different and you are the better person. I do have to ask though, is your daughter by any chance Bi-Polar and never diagnosed, or is it just with you she has a problem. It does seem as though she has a complicated nature and there may be a cause for her actions. I am not trying to condone her bad behaviour just asking if it had ever crossed your mind.

At the end of the day your grandchild is the love of your life I am sure, so what are you supposed to do, sadly bite the bullet to continue giving her some stability and carry on doing what you can.

Ruddy Face Book.

I agree with everyone else. Don't do anything to make the situation any worse than it is and which you might later regret.

You could try not letting your DD's remarks upset you so much. Yes, I know easier said than done but I have managed it myself though it took a year or two of practice. Not sure how. I kind of toughened up and took more of a 'whatever' attitude. I think I also decided to be angry rather than hurt (though I kept it to myself).

Paying for things doesn't really count for anything in a situation like this though. I remember once being accused of using my money to control things.

Exactly Aka well said.

Do nothing Thistledoo you can claim the moral high ground already. Those who know you will know the truth. Just continue to support your DGD by letting all this flow over you.

Not easy I know (((hugs)))

Thistledoo do not demand a public apology! IMO that is only going to make the situation worse. Contact her privately by email or such and say that you have been upset by what she has said. Just leave it the and see what happens. The more "fuss " you make he harder it will be to mend.
You need to keep the moral high ground by not getting angry.

I think you are definitely doing the right thing in ignoring it. It sounds like an extension of her normal behaviour, and will probably be soon forgotten by her. Try not to mention it to her. Hopefully it made her feel better about her perceived "wrongs". Let it go if you possibly can.

I stay clear of FB too Thistledoo despite my DD and DDiL trying to persuade me otherwise. I have heard too many stories like yours. Wise decision I think.

Thank you all for your helpful advice, it really does put it into perspective.
I have decided to just ignore the whole thing. I am not on fb so wouldn't be able to respond in any way. I am used to verbal abuse from DD, she will have a vile rant over something trivial so its nothing new. She does it on one day and the following day she seems to have forgotten all about it. While we are left upset and reeling from insults thrown at us. Its a way of life here. Would love it to change but alas I fear it wont. I don't want my DGD to be affected by it.

lucy - I agree it is dangerous. My feelings exactly.

My twi DDs fell out nig time after DD2 posted on Twitter on Xmas Day abotu ehr sister's 'failings' as a hostess among other things. She forgot that DD1 would see it.

There are good things about FB and Twitter but it is dangerous too, which is a shame.

In your case Thistle as you don't want your relationship with your DGD harmed (and there lies the problem as a friend of mine said recently to me, your DD holds the cards because of that) don't respond on FB. Let her calm down and things gio back to normal.

I do know how you feel about lies being spread about you too. My mother spread terrible lies about me among the family. Be assured that those who really know you will realise that what your daughter has posted is not true.

ive been in the same position as you thistle but the barrage of nastiness and abuse and lies from my younger daughter was on a different site...i did try to get the posting removed but the site owner refused to do so without my daughters consent and even now it is on this website for all to see!!!

i have had to let it go even though it hurts even thinking about it and as regards getting an apology from her that will never happen as shes point blankly told me to f off and never contact her again...so ive let her alone i have no idea where she is ..

Horrible for you Thistledoo. I know Facebook is a good form of communication for people who are separated by distance etc but it has caused me a lot of problems when I was going through a bad time. I have now deleted my account and asked everyone I know not to tell me if they have seen anything on it from my family. I have been much happier and calmer since.

I understand how you must feel worried about perhaps not seeing your dgd if things carry on. Do you feel taken advantage of, financially or help-wise? Are you constantly making her feel guilty for any help you give her? I think being constantly reminded of how grateful I feel would be what would drive me to the edge of reason, but of course I am only taking a wild guess in this case. I had an ex-mil who I loved dearly but whenever she did any small task for me, she not only told everyone in the family about it but would remind me about it for years afterwards.

I am always very sceptical about all things "Facebook" and have heard so many horror stories about the trouble caused by someone "putting something on" that has upset someone else. I also know that it is frequently used as a form of bullying. There are a few things going on here Thistledoo. Your DD has had a rant (we all rant now and again) but instead of ranting to her best friend she has ranted on a public forum for the world to see. All too common I believe. Secondly what was your friend doing other than having a bit of a stir? How were you expected to react? If it were me and someone told me that someone had wrote about me on Facebook I would say something like "really, how interesting for them, I am sure if it were important they would speak to me about it". I don't think a public apology is the way forward. If your daughter has issues then you need to talk about them together not share them with the world. I know it's too late now but it is a pity to acknowledged the remarks in the first place.

I know it's easy for me to say. Good luck.