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Facebook rant

(30 Posts)
Thistledoo Mon 10-Feb-14 09:57:53

I am wondering what other GNs who do in my situation.
My DD with whom we, as a family have a very stormy relationship.
I have posted before regarding the situation, under the heading Daughter Problems, and received lots of good support from everyone who replied.
I am always hopeful that things will improve, and from time to time they do. She is very abusive towards me and manages to say things to us that have maximum impact. I look after my DGD (her DD)
before and after school, along with many other things including financial support. We pay for all activities, dinner money, school uniforms, shoes, winter coats plus many many other things as required.
This week after an altercation over something very trivial, DD stormed out dragging DGD behind her and drove off in an unbelievable rage.
We didn't see her for two days. Then out of the blue an x colleague of mine
phoned me to say that DD had put a rant of Facebook about how we give her no support as a single mother and in a word, we were terrible parents, and we are destroying her relationship with her DD.
I am absolutely gobsmacked that these untrue statements were put out on a public forum for all her FB friends to see, plus all my far flung family.
Since then a few folk have said to me that they know how untrue this all is and have as a result defriended her.
My gut reaction is that I would like her to put a public apology on her FB page. We have received no hint of an apology from her and when I tackled her about it she just said that everything she said was true.
We feel publicly humiliated.
I would be interested to hear from anyone who can offer any advice.

Mishap Mon 10-Feb-14 10:03:45

What a bind you are in - you probably want to tell her to go take a jump, but also want to maintain a relationship and protect and support your DGD. That is, I guess, the priority - over and above standing your ground over an apology.

It must be so hard for you, as she must be a sad woman to behave in that way, and that must cause you pain.

whenim64 Mon 10-Feb-14 10:10:05

Whatever you do, don't start anything on Facebook. The damage has been done and at some point she could delete what she has written to hurt you so much. Having a confrontation with her isn't going to improve things for your grandchild who, it seems, is close to you.

Once things die down and, hopefully, return to some sort of normality, perhaps you could find out what triggered the dramatic reaction to what you saw as a minor altercation, so things can be ironed out between you. Good luck.

kittylester Mon 10-Feb-14 10:14:49

(((hugs))) Thistledoo

I have nothing to add to what Mishap and when said but it must be very difficult for you.

Lona Mon 10-Feb-14 10:17:47

Thistledoo A horrible situation for you and your poor

when is right, don't join in with fb,it will only make it worse.

gillybob Mon 10-Feb-14 10:20:35

I am always very sceptical about all things "Facebook" and have heard so many horror stories about the trouble caused by someone "putting something on" that has upset someone else. I also know that it is frequently used as a form of bullying. There are a few things going on here Thistledoo. Your DD has had a rant (we all rant now and again) but instead of ranting to her best friend she has ranted on a public forum for the world to see. All too common I believe. Secondly what was your friend doing other than having a bit of a stir? How were you expected to react? If it were me and someone told me that someone had wrote about me on Facebook I would say something like "really, how interesting for them, I am sure if it were important they would speak to me about it". I don't think a public apology is the way forward. If your daughter has issues then you need to talk about them together not share them with the world. I know it's too late now but it is a pity to acknowledged the remarks in the first place.

I know it's easy for me to say. Good luck.

janerowena Mon 10-Feb-14 10:25:36

I understand how you must feel worried about perhaps not seeing your dgd if things carry on. Do you feel taken advantage of, financially or help-wise? Are you constantly making her feel guilty for any help you give her? I think being constantly reminded of how grateful I feel would be what would drive me to the edge of reason, but of course I am only taking a wild guess in this case. I had an ex-mil who I loved dearly but whenever she did any small task for me, she not only told everyone in the family about it but would remind me about it for years afterwards.

KatyK Mon 10-Feb-14 10:27:24

Horrible for you Thistledoo. I know Facebook is a good form of communication for people who are separated by distance etc but it has caused me a lot of problems when I was going through a bad time. I have now deleted my account and asked everyone I know not to tell me if they have seen anything on it from my family. I have been much happier and calmer since.

D0LLIE Mon 10-Feb-14 11:03:17

ive been in the same position as you thistle but the barrage of nastiness and abuse and lies from my younger daughter was on a different site...i did try to get the posting removed but the site owner refused to do so without my daughters consent and even now it is on this website for all to see!!!

i have had to let it go even though it hurts even thinking about it and as regards getting an apology from her that will never happen as shes point blankly told me to f off and never contact her ive let her alone i have no idea where she is ..

lucyinthesky Mon 10-Feb-14 11:47:37

My twi DDs fell out nig time after DD2 posted on Twitter on Xmas Day abotu ehr sister's 'failings' as a hostess among other things. She forgot that DD1 would see it.

There are good things about FB and Twitter but it is dangerous too, which is a shame.

In your case Thistle as you don't want your relationship with your DGD harmed (and there lies the problem as a friend of mine said recently to me, your DD holds the cards because of that) don't respond on FB. Let her calm down and things gio back to normal.

I do know how you feel about lies being spread about you too. My mother spread terrible lies about me among the family. Be assured that those who really know you will realise that what your daughter has posted is not true.

KatyK Mon 10-Feb-14 11:50:47

lucy - I agree it is dangerous. My feelings exactly.

Thistledoo Mon 10-Feb-14 13:10:53

Thank you all for your helpful advice, it really does put it into perspective.
I have decided to just ignore the whole thing. I am not on fb so wouldn't be able to respond in any way. I am used to verbal abuse from DD, she will have a vile rant over something trivial so its nothing new. She does it on one day and the following day she seems to have forgotten all about it. While we are left upset and reeling from insults thrown at us. Its a way of life here. Would love it to change but alas I fear it wont. I don't want my DGD to be affected by it.

gillybob Mon 10-Feb-14 13:15:37

I stay clear of FB too Thistledoo despite my DD and DDiL trying to persuade me otherwise. I have heard too many stories like yours. Wise decision I think.

jinglbellsfrocks Mon 10-Feb-14 13:17:28

I think you are definitely doing the right thing in ignoring it. It sounds like an extension of her normal behaviour, and will probably be soon forgotten by her. Try not to mention it to her. Hopefully it made her feel better about her perceived "wrongs". Let it go if you possibly can. flowers

Nelliemoser Mon 10-Feb-14 13:22:03

Thistledoo do not demand a public apology! IMO that is only going to make the situation worse. Contact her privately by email or such and say that you have been upset by what she has said. Just leave it the and see what happens. The more "fuss " you make he harder it will be to mend.
You need to keep the moral high ground by not getting angry.

Aka Mon 10-Feb-14 13:34:01

Do nothing Thistledoo you can claim the moral high ground already. Those who know you will know the truth. Just continue to support your DGD by letting all this flow over you.

Not easy I know (((hugs)))

gillybob Mon 10-Feb-14 13:37:29

Exactly Aka well said.

petallus Mon 10-Feb-14 13:55:03

I agree with everyone else. Don't do anything to make the situation any worse than it is and which you might later regret.

You could try not letting your DD's remarks upset you so much. Yes, I know easier said than done but I have managed it myself though it took a year or two of practice. Not sure how. I kind of toughened up and took more of a 'whatever' attitude. I think I also decided to be angry rather than hurt (though I kept it to myself).

Paying for things doesn't really count for anything in a situation like this though. I remember once being accused of using my money to control things.

POGS Mon 10-Feb-14 18:37:51


I can imagine how you feel. Hurt, cross, sick to the stomach.

As mentioned I am sure those around you know different and you are the better person. I do have to ask though, is your daughter by any chance Bi-Polar and never diagnosed, or is it just with you she has a problem. It does seem as though she has a complicated nature and there may be a cause for her actions. I am not trying to condone her bad behaviour just asking if it had ever crossed your mind.

At the end of the day your grandchild is the love of your life I am sure, so what are you supposed to do, sadly bite the bullet to continue giving her some stability and carry on doing what you can. flowers

Ruddy Face Book. angry

Thistledoo Mon 10-Feb-14 19:09:16

Hello Pogs, thank you for your reply, and you are right to spot some abnormal behaviour. Although DD has never been diagnosed with anything specific we have thought for a long time that her nature does fit with having some sort of personality disorder. It is quite sad and extremely difficult to cope with. But I'm so glad I have posted on here as it has been very cathartic and made me determined to try and put this public incident behind me. My priority is of course my DGD and I have to continue supporting her in the best way I'm able. Unfortunately I am a sensitive sort of person, not a fighter and definitely not tough. (whimp)
Wish I could toughen up a bit, even if its just to cope with DD violent outbursts.
Petallus maybe you could give me a few tips or coping stratagies.
Thank you all so much for your support.
I'm off to Soops kitchen extension now for a cup of tea a date slice, if there is any left.

Iam64 Mon 10-Feb-14 19:17:24

flowers Hello Thistledoo, sorry to hear it's gone up a notch (I remember your previous posts). Look after yourself

Ariadne Mon 10-Feb-14 19:25:16

Thistledoo ((hugs)) Relax, release, let it go. If you can.

thatbags Mon 10-Feb-14 20:03:37

thistledoo, hugs and date slices await you in soop's kitchen. flowers

Eloethan Tue 11-Feb-14 00:21:27

thistledoo This must have been very upsetting.

Like POGS I also wondered if possibly your daughter might have some mental health issues or perhaps suffers with severe PMT.

It's unfortunate that this sort of tirade can be posted on Facebook but I feel sure that anyone who is sensible would realise that it is unfair to make such wounding remarks on a public forum.

Looking at it from a slightly different point of view, and in no way condoning her hurtful and immature behaviour, the altercation that you describe as trivial was presumably the trigger for her outburst. If so, it wasn't trivial to your daughter and it might be worth trying to analyse what exactly had upset her - it may not have been what you said but what she imagined you were saying.

janeainsworth Tue 11-Feb-14 01:40:59

Thistledoo I haven't see. your other posts, but you aren't a wimp.
Turning the other cheek, and not responding in anger, requires courage and strength, which you clearly have.