Cut out of their lives 3

Thank you so much , the pain has been particularly bad this week , the more time went on the pain was 'accumulating' and this week after 4 months of it I've had to let it all out

Thing is I am ready to have him , my home is ready for him and I am going to send one LAST e-mail to SS just to say I am ready , my bereavement counsellor signed me off 3 weeks ago ( 3 bereavements this year including my baby GD at 37 wks into my older DD's pregnancy ) and my home is ready and I have settled in now , then I am just going to leave it , nothing more I can do apart be ready to have him at any point of time if needed...

I think it hurts all the more because IS the foster carer REALLY ''better'' than me in looking after my GS , will be REALLY be getting ''better'' care? I don't think so as I KNOW without a shadow of I doubt I can and will provide very good care and look after him WELL with the ADDED bonus of the fact that I LOVE HIM AND HE LOVES ME!! Just need to be given the CHANCE!

I haven't done anything wrong and nor has he and yet we are both suffering in this and yes I have the added worry of my DD's recovery as that is not always straight forward or smooth and definitely not QUICK so I do not know what the future holds , my heart just aches and I feel frustrated and it feels like he belongs here with me while my DD isn't well but to be told I am not allowed to have my own GS seems cruel to be honest as if I was NOT able to take care of him well , fully and consistently and he really WAS in the right place I would agree and be content in myself as far as it was possible under the circumstances but to know I can do it and do it well , it just HURTS

I hate pain x

Oh nannynoo I'm so dreadfully sorry to read about the awful situation you're in. You asked if you loved your gs too much and when you put 'but you love who you love and if it runs deep it runs deep' you stirred something inside me.

For the last 2 years I've been asking my self if I loved my s too much, as if some how that would account for the awful things he's said and done. But how can a mother love her child too much, and how can a grand mother love her grand child too much; you can't.

I feel the same way about my gc's child minder. All of the things she gets to do with him, the things I am aching to do; the things I have never been able to do and more than likely never will. I never saw him in his pj's, in the bath or after his bath not even running around as he was only 8 months old the last time I did see him.

It seems so wrong for him the be in a foster home when he has a loving grand mother to take care of him. You have all the worry of your daughter to contend with as well as missing and worrying about your dear grandson.

You're fortunate to be able to see him for 2 hours a week, some might say lucky but I say fortunate. You miss a little boy who you know, who calls you nannynoo and who loves you; I miss a little boy that I don't know and who doesn't know me. It's really hard, but I can't help but wonder if it isn't harder for you; for both of you.

As I read your post I could feel your grief and your pain and I wish I'd come on yesterday and seen it so I could have responded sooner. I know it hurts, all of us on here know how much it hurts which is why we do what ever we can to support one another.

I wish I knew what to say, but as I don't here are somefor you nannynoo.

I don't know what to say...

I've been asking myself today do I love my GS too much? Like in that unhealthy way in the book ''Women who love to much''

But you love who you love and if it runs deep it runs deep , there is something about Grandparent love which I cannot describe , but anyway , have posted a bit on here , bit of a different situation but my GS who is 7 and is Autistic is in foster care and has been for the past 4 months and it is absolutely breaking my heart being away from him and knowing someone else ( a complete stranger ) is tucking him up in bed every night , having the JOY of his presence and even getting paid for it to boot when I would do it for free!!...

SS have said no to that and that he is settled where he is

Thanks be to God I DO get to see him once a week for 2 hours , so can't really complain but I AM coz it still hurts like hell like there is a knife in my heart which won't come out

I have been crying for the past 2 days - I think it has been just adding up over the last 4 months as well as the worry , not knowing what is exactly going to happen next , my DD is an alcoholic so there are real concerns about neglect , it is just sad and stressful and the worst time of my life

My GS needs stability which he did have when my DD was well , but it is a terrible illness / addiction and it changes a person greatly

I actually feel like screaming and HAVE been doing silent screams around the house to get my pain and frustration out as have been carrying it around but it's got worse the more time has gone on and the longer my GS has been away from me

We are so close , you know , did all the usual things , what is it about how CUTE kids look in their pyjamas? I SO MISS seeing my GS running round the house in his PJ's after his bath , all happy and giggling and adorable which he still is of course but away from us

I KNOW I AM LUCKY , it's just his empty room is sitting there ready , I live in UK and pay bedroom tax for it but he is worth it of course but I don't have ''empty nest syndrome'' I have ''empty room syndrome''

He has not even SEEN his room yet as I moved home whilst he was in care , he always says ''Nanny's house'' when he see's me , but I can't say anything back as I used to tell him the day he was coming round next

He hasn't got a lot of speech due to his Autism but always used to say ''Nannys house Friday!'' with a HUGE smile on his face

I am so jealous of the foster carer lol she gets to eat with him every day and she gets to do all the things I AM ACHING to do :-(

It just goes on , week after week and the real grief has kicked in now , it's different to bereavement grief and it is hopefully only temporary loss / separation but to be away from him for even 4 months is the longest time ever and he still feels ''lost to the family'' in care

Hi suefla62 Thanks for that, I have had it since may, also have tendonitis of tibial tendon making painworse. I bought some gel inserts to be honest. to hug seems work, seeing orthotics next week abou possible shoeninserts,

Had a busy weekend, can't really say why, it's not as if I seemed to get much done and we didn't go out so I don't know where the time went. Any way that's why I've only just read your post Yogagirl. It was lovely and I wanted to tell you so and send you some .

I don't know what you look like but I still pictured you looking at your lovely photo's. I don't look at any of our gc. He was just a baby really, the last time we were able to hold him. I know your dreading Friday but you'll be OK, you'll get through the day as you've got through all the other days.

You wont be alone, we'll be thinking of you and we'll be here if you need us.

You made me laugh too Celebgran and looks like I'm the favoured one on here, getting to use all the Halloween faces
Oh Smileless so sad about all the baby things you bought, good that you kept the baby quilt. I have a pair of Laila's baby socks that were left here when they moved out, I keep them on a bible by my bed and pray with them both in my hands every night, hasn't worked yet, where is God when we need him , I also have a dummy of Jack's sitting here on my desk right in front of me now , I have a lovely studio picture of them both in the hall and sometimes I give their noses a little rub lol. I have two pictures on my coffee table of me holding each of them and another by my bed Sounds a lot but that is all I have, I cannot look at any pics apart from the ones I have, as it really upsets me, to see them grown. I keep thinking about when I bumped into Jenni-ann & Laila in the Royals...... I can't believe it will be 2years since I've been 'cut out of their lives' next Friday.......You've set me off now Smileless!
Strange how You Celebgran & Smileless seemed to have a premonition about looking after your Molly & M, my ND also said to me she had one about not seeing Laila & Jack grow up da,da,da,da......
I bought some nice Pacific Salmon fillets, thinking my ND was coming for dinner (but didn't actually ask her) and she's going to a fireworks party Think I better go and get a glass of then, well it is Friday For the both of you & some more for the other grans on here, for all.

celebgran. I'm just recovered from plantar fasciitis. It took a few months but gradually got better until I realized I was walking properly again. The one thing that helped the most (besides the exercise) was to buy a good pair of gel shoe inserts.

Oh Celebgran you are funny. I've obviously come on too late to use the little faces with their witches hats. I was going to see if they'd come up in my post, so I could show off and didn't want Yogagirl to think she was the only one who could use them.

Thanks for the*Yogagirl*. You're right about how little things that wouldn't have bothered us before are now so upsetting. I hope your ND's new job is going well. This is an exciting time for her isn't it; engaged, new job and a wedding to plan. It made me think about my own wedding which was such a long time ago, and it made me think about how lucky I am to have my wonderful hubby and my other son and d.i.l. There's still so much to be thankful for I guess it really isn't possible for some of us to have it all.

I'm not sure if it's good news or bad news about your foot Celebgran as I haven't a clue what the problem isbut I'm pleased that the specialist was nice and I'm sure that shock wave therapy wont be as bad as it sounds.

Even when all the talk about child care was going on, I never believed it would happen. I don't know why but I just couldn't see it some how. I still went ahead though and bought loads of equipment so he'd be safe and happy here. A cot that would become a bed, mattress, bedding, play pen, high chair, safety gate and toys. I got every thing from my mail order account and even though I was technically too late to return it, I got so upset trying to explain why I didn't need it any more and that it had never been used, that they allowed me to return the lot. Well not the bedding. A friend of my hubby's daughter had just had a baby and money was very tight so apart from a lovely quilt which I kept, I gave the bedding to her. I have the quilt on the bed in our smallest bedroom; one more thing for his memory box.

Well ladies TGIF so to get your weekend's off to a great start.

[thiangry]

Wow tell me why won't they work for me

[thishock]

[thismile]. What went wrong [thiblush]

Wow [thissmile] new smiley s?
Thanks yogagirl guess smileless and me didn't really think this would happen though but I did have horrid cold feeling when she told me.

Never mind we coping and all helping each other, yes was lovley having hug from Tor friend made me [thisad] that may never have hug from my daughter again.

Mmm Chinese and wine [thiwink] relaxed me so when Ashley from bathroom centre rang about problems I was sooo understandings!

Hope your doggie ok very quiet here tonight was mainly saturday xx

Hi Celebgran
At least you know now what's wrong with your foot & hopefully you'll get it sorted enough to get back to your dancing, have a lovely w/e away with your friends. Nice to hear you had a lovely afternoon with Danika & that you found comfort with your D's friend & her with you. Sorry to hear about how upset you were in not having Mollie whilst your D was at work , same as Smileless, so that was the writing on the wall then
My little dog is going ballistic with the fireworks & I'm off to work in a mo. Here's some from me too

Wow yogagirl what very good news for your daughter hope she likes new job.

SMILELESS. how sad. Just before we were cut off about 3 months before I was told I would not be needed Tor was going back work. 2 days as pharmacist and I was supposed have litter mollie one day. Tor told me her husband was going to have time off and m I law was doing other day. I cried so much that night. Then she softened blow by saying she would rather I went spend time with her when she not at work. M mmmm m?! Didn't really happen did it.

On bright note saw lovley specialist, he was so kind, I do have plantar fasilitis and also tendonitis of posterior tibialis tendon !! He has referred me for shock wave therapy eeek and I have to do minimum activity. Oh gosh. It much dancing this weekend then. We off to warners with friends, buddy holly tribute.

Also bright note had lovely afternoon with Danika my little great niece and. Her lovely made us a yummy cake. It makes us feel special!

Needed it was very sad yesterday pleased about how appt went but hobbled into town and ran into old friend of Tor. She didn't know about estrangement and poor girl lost her mum 6 years ago. She gave me lovley hug and we had few tears together.

We having Chinese tonight were having friends round but decorating is still not finished and we In chaos. So had postpone! Going get open now!

Hello Smileless
I'm back on as my 1-2-1 cancelled as she had a flu jab yesterday & now has the flu
Sorry to hear you got upset re your M tantrum, as we know, any little thing that we may have laughed off before is now upsetting to cheer you up. Your right about 'kiss butt'
My ND is on her way for a cuppa after her second day in her new job, so need to get the kettle on and ready to hear all her news

I do that too Yogagirl, think o.f the actual day as opposed to the date. I haven't finished the book yet but the strongest and most important message it's given me is that none of this is our fault. We couldn't have done anything to stop it from happening and there's nothing we can do now to change it. Well that's not totally accurate, we could have, as she put it 'had no opinions about anything what so ever and kissed butt'.

You're probably right Yogagirl, not that his step daughter got more love than his biological son, but that's how he perceived it. But if it hadn't been that, it would have been something else that he'd have used to 'cut you out' and what ever else he'd have chosen, wouldn't have been true either.

My brother 'phoned me this morning. He was woken up this morning at 8.00am (lazy so and so) by a child having an exceptionally loud temper tantrum. Screaming and crying that he didn't want to go and wanted to stay at home. The mother looked like she was chewing a wasp, and had the same expression when she'd dropped him off at the child minder's and was walking back. It was my little grand son who was having the tantrum.

I know of course about the 'terrible 2's'; I remember both of my boys, especially the eldest who still some times doesn't seem to have grown out of that phase completely. But it really upset me. How much happier would he have been if he didn't have to go to the child minder's all of the time, and could have stayed with his nanna, at her house or with his nanna in his own home.

I was supposed to share the child care so he could learn to socialise with other children. That would have been fine. I wouldn't have wanted to have him all the time if they wanted to use a child minder as well. They chose the childminder for all of his care, just before we were 'cut out' all together because they wanted "reliable and stress free childcare".

Of course what they really wanted was to keep me away from him all together. I don't suppose he'd have wanted to be with me all of the time either but it wasn't him they were thinking of when they took him away from us, it was themselves. Oh and of course coming up with the cruelest way possible of inflicting pain and suffering on us.

Hope everything went well yesterday Celebgran and you've had some positive news.

Surely oops!

Morning
It's taken me two years to fully realise why I was cut out, it's because, ( in his eyes only), Laila was getting more love and attention than his son Jack, so he cut everyone that loved and adored Laila, all her real family, that she loved and adored back, out of her life! I love Jack equally to Laila, he's my grandson!, however when Jack was born his parents & theirs (grtgrndparents) were going around saying "oh, our first grandchild, our first grandchild" in front of Laila, but for him (s.I.l) that was OK!
It's two years on Sunday 16th of November, but as it was a Friday when I was told to "F* OFF" by my s.i.l I'm thinking of it as being next Friday, do you think like that too? meaning the day of the week as apposed to the actual date.
My friend meet her grandson at the weekend, that she & her S hadn't seen since he was 2yrs old, he's now 18yrs & 6ft2ins! His doctor told him about his dad and it went from there!
My ND had an interview for a really nice job on Monday, and started the next day! How good is that
How did the scan go Celebgran? hope it's good news & they can fix it for you. What a shame you cant do your folk dancing, you must miss it
Don't over do it at the gym Smileless slowly but shorly Your right about the Xmas things coming up now, I used to love Xmas till this hell happened

Bless you smileless and yogagirl Rosie was farmed out sat night but bless is trying be good girl today! I been out for lunch today with college friend and we have had oceans of rain all day!

What working weekend was hoovering and ironing yesterday evening while Gra papered. No folk dancing although foot slight Improvement Gra far too busy still papering bless he has work tomorrow, hence me on my now. For appt

Thanks girls for thinking of me tomorrow and I will report back.

Hope you feeling ok after birthday smileless and you yogagirl after shock encounter . I am Enjoying glass x

Yes, keep Rosie close Celebran but not too close, I mean you don't want to paper over her by mistake. Keeping everything crossed for you for tomorrow. Wont it be wonderful if they can actually do something to get you on the mend and give you some pain relief;to wish you luck.

I bet that extra class does make a difference Yogagirl. It's good that you're keeping busy and you must be in amasing shape with all the yoga you're doing.

Well I've done my first session at the gym of the 'little black dress' program that will last for 6 weeks. Have to do this twice a week plus one class. So I arrived all full of enthusiasm and began with a 5 minute warm up followed by 30 minutes on the treadmill, intervals of jogging and running, some on various inclines....and then.....an hour's exercising in the gym. Little black dress work out, it might end up being the little black coffin work out. I'm feeling stiff already, so I dread to think how I'll be in the morning.

Flaming Christmas ads on the tv already. It just feels as if we're constantly having to get through one significant day or date after another; will it ever end.

Morning girls
Glad you got through yesterday with friends to take your mind off your S 30th birthday Smileless I intended coming on here to give you a few words of comfort, but have to confess I forgot [b!ush] Here's some to cheer you up.
I have another class on Sundays now, one follows the other in another leisure centre
I had to stop for petrol & ended up in tesco, so my Sundays have changed, I didn't think doing another class straight after would make a big difference, but it does, I'm tired time I get in and need a coffee & some lunch, whereas before I would go straight back out after changing and have a nice afternoon by the sea & lunch with my ND or a friend, so consequently I didn't go on me PC at all yesterday, sorry Smileless Glad your enjoying the book
Good luck with wall papering Celebgran keep Rosie nearby in case you go a bit wrong lol and good luck at the hospital with your foot results

Wow Yogagirl; how wonderful, surprising and shocking in equal measure. Totally unexpected but just goes to show what can happen. I know of course how disturbing it is when you see the child who abandoned you with the gc/children they've taken away. Because we live down the road from one another, it does happen occasionallyand is never a pleasant experience but never a total . But Yogagirl, I can't begin to imagine what a shock that must have been for you.

Well I've started the book and, my goodness, it's amasing; such insight, such clarity and strangely comforting I found. It's like being declared sane. Even though I know I've not made anything up or lied, this book validates every thing my hubby and I have been saying for the last 2.5 years.

It's helping me to accept our situation because there's nothing we can do about it, and from what I've read so far, there never was.

Well it's his 30th bday todayand she did exactly what I knew she'd do, but not the big balloons in the window, oh no, an enormous 'Happy Birthday' banner. Stupid or what. May be she thought she'd be rubbing our noses in it but she probably rubbed his in it instead.

Today's been much better than I thought it would be. We went to some friends in the village for a lovely lunch so have had a good day; but I'm still glad it's almost over.

Oh poor Celebgran, I'm sure you wont need a stick for ever, just until your foot is better and you can get some lovely ornate walking sticks nowadays so don't despair. Decorating is always stressful but worth the effort and hassle when it's finished. Poor Rosie, getting being blamed for ruining the glossing; tell her I'm sorry for holding her responsible but you did say she had a white tail.

Enjoy what's left of the weekend lovely ladies.

Wow let's hope that works ref magpies!
Not long go find out why foot so painful hope on Tuesday! Getting. Results of scan.

Had good evening out at local club with friends disco and plough mans mmm I had 2nd helping hope not effected weigh in.

Hope you and smileless enjoy peaceful Sunday I will try hard not to inflame dear graham who is working so hard, as am I we finished gloss paint, just infringing out anything ie bit of white paint on New wall etc he nearly loses plot! I am perfectionist I hold my hand up!

Wallpapering starts today !

Sorry Celebgran I didn't see your post when I put that footnote
Glad you had a nice time with your friend, sorry your foot is still painful
Going back to seeing my D yesterday, I have a tree outside my bedroom window and I sit & watch all the little birds in the morning, it's not strong enough for big birds to purch, yet I had two big Magpies sitting looking in at me yesterday; 'one for sorry, two for joy' da,da,da,da......