Cut out of their lives 3

As you know Yogagirl I'm a bit of a technophobe. I'd love to be able to read the article you've mentioned but need more info to be able to find it or, pass on to DH and get him to find it for me.

I'm sure you're right about our GC wanting to know about us, I hope so but with all the lies that have been told to date, one can only imagine what's to come.

Good grief Otw to have been kicked out 3 timesI had no idea how on earth do you manage to carry on? You must be one amazing lady that's for sure. I honestly don't know if I would have the courage to get involved with my S again even if he gave me the opportunity, I'd be so scared of it happening again.

I am really looking forward to seeing what kind of response you get to the forum you're thinking of setting up. When I read your post from Monday, it re kindled some thoughts I've been having off an on about writing a book. I am not a Sociologist but do have a degree in Sociology (acquired some time ago) and if nothing else I'm sure I'd find simply writing it therapeutic .

Of course it's going to require a lot of research and work and if any one on this thread would like to contribute, I'll pm them and let them have my email address; all ideas and contributions would be most welcome.

DH's brother has just 'phoned, said he'd just got in from work and was wanting to chill out but it's not easy with his little GD there. He has 5 who he sees regularly and knows we can't see the only one we have; thoughtless or what. I told him 'what we wouldn't give to have our little one here with us'.

Good morning girls
What a lovely letter your neighbour Joan wrote Celebgran, you would say that it would surely melt your daughters heart, yet each time nothing! Same with me!
Have a lovely time at your S club, think your diet may be out the window already though
So sorry Otw bet your wishing your D & s.I.l didn't get back together, same here! It would be good to hear if you get some in put from a sociologist. I read a really interesting article from an AAC from the alienating child's side. I read it twice it was so good, she has now gone on to be alienated by her own children and she knows it has all been caused by her husband, right from the word go & that her parents & sister were not to blame for any of it! You can find it on: 'Lone parent'

Smileless what you said about only seeing our beloved GC when they turn 16, is so very sad, yet I find myself thinking on those lines too now But for sure they definitely will want to know us, as they are made up from us, they have our blood running through their vains & carry a 1/4 of our genes! They would want to know their family history, where they come from, their ancestry, its human nature!
[Flowers] for all xx

My good wishes and thanks for the lovely thoughts to you all . In truth, my DD has kicked us out three times; my only conclusion is that she would rather have nothing to do with me than vice versa . What's weird is that we would talk and laugh and enjoy each other's company , we share a love of music, politics , good food but she gets close then pushes me away . In any event , I am going to set up a forum and hope a sociologist picks up the challenge.Wishing you all the day, hours and moments you, as lovely people , are capable of and entitled to .

I think it's a wonderful idea Otw this "silent epidemic (does) need quantifying" as you say. The legal age of emancipation is 18 but it could well be at the age of 16 for a grand child to have the legal right to have contact with grand parents if they want too. The 1989 Children Act states that any court order prohibiting contact ceases to be enforceable once the child is 16, unless there are exceptional circumstances, in which case a new order would have to be enforced by the courts.

A friend of friend's grand daughter (aged 18) is now in touch with her (her grand mother). She found her GM via face book and after initial contact via email they now meet up on a regular basis. Not ideal as her daughter, the mother, knows nothing about this. It's ironic isn't it that our children probably will, if they're not doing so already, lie to their children to explain our absence and those very children may well in the future lie to them if they do make contact, to keep it a secret. "It is a tangled web we weave when at first we seek to deceive".

I wish there was a little medal icon I could send you for your courage, but as there isn't I hopewill do.

"A little bubble of love to treasure forever", what a lovely thing to say Yogagirl.

Glad the scratch isn't too bad Celebgran. Hope you remembered to write thatin your food diary; just the one was it?. I feel quite churned up knowing that you've both sent your D cards and are waiting to see if there's any response; I'm waiting for you too. You're both very brave, I could never put myself 'out there' again. I hope you get something positive in return. Why do bad things happen to good people.

Feeling heavy hearted since Sunday still, in 13 years we'll be able to contact our GS whether they like it or not, but will he want us too? Will he have believed the lies he'll no doubt have been told?Only time will tell. I hope for all of your sakes that you'll have all been reconnected with your children and grand children by then, and I hope for mine that I'll still be in touch with you Yogagirl and Celebgran as, if the look of sheer hatred on her face is anything to go by, that's going to be the only chance we'll ever have of knowing our GS.

Thank you nice people.Yes, once again we were unceremoniously kicked out of the house on my beloved Granddaughter's birthday, in front of her. Just two weeks previously I had been invited to go as a Granny helper with her school to take her to her first ever panto. My SIL had left my DD in October and I had rushed over to support her but they had got back together (thankfully or so I thought). We had been invited for boxing day and my GD's birthday but they my SIL drank a lot and then started telling me how wrong we were to try to be taking my son in, how awful one of our Christmas gifts to my daughter was and finally the next morning we were locked out. Nothing makes sense and as a result my baby GS will not know us or his family and my absolutely gorgeous 5 year old GD will wonder why I was kicked out in front of her. They will have to lie and that is simply wicked. I would like to know at what age can one try to reconnect without the parents permission?It goes without saying that we are in bits but acceptance is the only sane thing to work towards. I think this silent epidemic needs quantifying. It is bad for children to be denied any loving contact with grandparents. I am thinking of starting a thread trying to log how many Gparents have been cut off from their children for a time (long or short). People could reply just once and so the number could be collated; what do you think?

Forgot to say scratch not too bad called at garage got paint like nail varnish but have to wait till milder he said won't rust that's good

Yoga girl you put things sooo well! Exactly smileless a little bubble of love to remember! Like I remember seeing little mollie 2 Xmas ago and she smiled at me!

I wrote card to my daughter saying if I did or said anything to upset her and cause her cut us off I a. Deeply sorry

Our dear neibor Joan who is 90 wrote to her showed us copy of letter it made me cry. She said didn't know what to get Gra for his 70th but she knew what he would like to be reunited with his only daughter and be proper grandad to the girls. It was tear jerking.

She is posting it before his birthday next Thursday.

We going London Wednesday for posh lunch with our son at his club cavalry and guards In Mayfair birthday treat for Gra

We been on jolly today also lunch and swim at nice club near us and then chose some new touchlamps for bedroom also got 2 more very tempting one a red rose for sitting room and other pretty lilac for beauty room. Not sure how Gra agreed to it all!

Oh bit on bullet and went to weight management so did Gra ! Have keep food diary. Wish me luck.

A very hectic day glass of red is unwinding me at moment.

Oops got write that down too!
Hope yogagirl and smileless had good Monday.
Oh yogagirl how exciting for your and n,d, soooo lovely.

Thank you very much Smileless lovely little rhyme I had a really great party, so many lovely presents & cards, and my house looks like a florist 8 wonderful bouquets of flowers, some in boxes and some with balloons so nice.
Oh Smileless how wonderful you spoke to little M, I'll bet you will turn that little encounter over & over in your head, a little bubble of love to treasure for ever
I dreamt about my little GS last night, he was really fascinated with me, pulling off my sun glass and crawling onto my knee, he's big blue eyes staring straight into mine (age as when I last saw him)....one day!
Well my ND is blossoming, getting a little bump, really involving me in everything to do with the new growing baby & the upcoming Wedding, so lovely
So sorry Otw10413 but at least you've seen them for a year (is it?)
For you too Celebgran
for all

Oh no, because I haven't been on here for a week I've missed your birthday Yogagirl. I don't know why but I always thought you and I were about the same age, didn't realize you were older .

Well better late than never so 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, I've met some lovely ladies on here, and one of them is you'. Hope you had a great party.

Poor you Celebgran I hope the scratch isn't too bad, at least it wasn't your fault. Is it bad enough to need attention or will you be able to live with it?

I don't see any photo's of my little gc which is a blessing because it's hard enough catching glimpses of him but today, not just a glimpse, I spoke to him and he looked at me and spokefor the first time in his life he spoke to ME.

We'd been for a long walk to enjoy theand mild weather and as we approached NS's house on our way home I noticed that he was up a ladder. I said to hubby that I wondered if he'd fall off the ladder if we called out 'hello .....'. It's OK, it was only high enough to reach the top of the front door.

He didn't see us coming and as we got to his house, there was our little gc. He has ginger hairI had no idea, I thought he was blonde. We stopped to look at him and he turned around so I said 'hello' and he looked right at me and said 'I can reach this' as he stretched out his little hand toward to door bell. I said 'that's because you're a big boy'. NS was frantically trying to open the front door and then it was open and there she stood with a thunderous look on her bitter face and she grabbed the poor little mites arm and in a telling off voice told him to 'get in now'.

I wanted to slap her, how dare she make a 3 year old feel they've done something wrong when it's because of the bitter and twisted nature of his parents behavior that deprives him of us and us of him.

As we walked away I said in a loud voice 'poor little bugger' and then our NS called out 'just leave him alone'. I had to stop dear hubby walking back to him, I told him they weren't worth it, we've done nothing wrong and if they want to continue to live a stone's throw from us, they'll have to accept the consequences. I have nothing to say to either of them, and have no interest in anything they may wish to say to me but I will not ignore my grand child.

His physical appearance and completely over the top reaction says more about his state of mind and the state of his marriage, than he would ever have intended.

So there we have it. For the first time in his life he spoke to me and he's ginger, and beautiful absolutely beautiful.

I am so very sorry Otw10413 that you have posted because once again you have been cut out of your daughters life. To be treated so cruelly once is intolerable, to have it happen again is beyond any understanding.for you.

Back here because .... Again my daughter and SIL have cut us from their lives .

Thank you Celebgran
Yes I'm feeling happy & looking forward to my party, lots to do, but here's some for you, cheers! xx

Wow yogagirl many congratulation and many happy returns I had that last sept we more less same age!

and have a lovely celebration! Xxx

Ps I certainly did and for once did not miss my daughter hope is same for you !

[Flowers] HAPPY BIRTHDAY ME
I'm 60 today big party tonight!
All invited

Oh yogagirl that brought tears to my eyes!, I would be the same except my horrid daughter does not photos on her Facebook.

Smileless I am now about to get casserole ready have put oven on automatic .

Been acquacise and short swim today and done my difficult lady's nails.
The nice lady has gone into. A home apparently

Smileless you are very brave I am ok if I manage. Not not dwell on it all we had hectic weekend barn dance great, lovely meal out sat, how ever our friends came face for coffee and she said I never saw photos of mollie I was not about to show her too upsetting just showed her one have on display. Also one of me with Tor day before she had mollie soo sad she had her arms round me and it hurts so to wonder where that love went.

Sunday lunch with friends and my friend bought her daughter of 15 not see. For 2 years totally different situation but it was soo painful seeing them together mother and daughter.

Changing subject I scratched car today so acquacise, mum reversed back heard bump was scared to look til got home, no dent just scratch

and for us all ! X

Even after 2yrs2mnths2weeks&6days I still feel my heart braking a little more. My neighbours D came in last night she was so please to give me two photos that she had downloaded from my ED FB page (which I never go on because it's too painful). They were lovely, looked like a real photo, good enough to put in a frame, to put on your mantel. I thanked her so much & said "How kind", but when she left I closed my eyes & gathered the photos up to put them away in a draw, too painful to look at, my darling little Laila looked a spitting imagine of her mother, my ED, at the same age

Thank you so much Smileless It's so much easier typing on my PC. I've been trying for hours to burn some photos onto a CD, but it keeps coming up not enough room, yet not many photos! makes me wonder if the others I put on CD months/years back, are actually there on the CD or if my PC is somehow just bringing them up when I put the CD in I do sound stupid
Your poor hubby Smileless I feel the same, when I've looked at photos, in some, you can see the pain & hurt in my eyes, even now! I imagine Laila's wedding day, where I have sneaked in the back and she walks passed me wondering who the old lady is
Well done you; holding your head up and quite right too
& for you too Celebgran

Such wonderful news YogagirlI can't tell you how thrilled I am to know that at last you'll be able to be a proper grandmafor youfor your daughter. Do pass on my best wishes to her.

It was so kind and thoughtful of her to send a picture to her brother, telling him that she wants him to be in her baby's life, how nasty of him to not even bother to reply.

Have you managed to fathom your new cooker yet Celebgran? It took me a while when we got our new one but I got there in the end.

We talked at length last night about how we're both feeling. Poor hubby is finding the whole thing increasingly difficult to manage and it breaks my heart to see the sadness in his eyes, even when he's smiling, the sadness is there.

I seem to be managing better than him. I try to turn the negatives in to positives for eg he says awful d.i.l. would never want anything to do with us again and I say that's irrelevant because we would never have anything to do with her. It continues to upset him when their friends, who used to socialize with us, turn away and make every effort to avoid us. I find this rather amusing. Last night when walking our little dog, the husband of the couple who live next door to my mum was just about to go out of the front door but hung around because he saw me. He waited until I'd put some distance between me and the house before going outside.

Our cruel S and nasty d.i.l. do the same thing, we never have. We hold our heads high and are prepared to look them and their friends in the eye as we have done nothing wrong and nothing to be ashamed of. Hubby says he feels better since our talk last night and I'm less worried about him so it's important to talk about it Celebgran when you feel the need too. I'm sure Gra understands when you need to get things off your chest and appreciates your willingness to listen as much as you appreciate his.

Enjoy what's left of the weekend ladies and let's hope we all have a good week to come.

Thank you *Celebgran
I know how you feel, its always on my mind too, even with this wonderful news of my ND, it doesn't alter the sadness of losing my D&previous GC. I go to bed thinking of them & wake up thinking of them, they are always in my mind & I do have to stop myself talking about them. My ND sent her B a lovely email with pic of baby, saying she wants him to be in baby's life as he will be only uncle, no reply! We said he must be waiting for instruction from nasty s.i.l
Hope you manage to work out your new cooker Celebgran
Nice weekend everyone

Oh yogagirl that is fantastic! We will love to hear all about it !

Such good news and posiitve for you so well deserved.

Guess what. We oven arrived very posh! Just we need keep looking st instructions is so ewnat complicated, top oven seems ok. However main oven mmmm it is all digital display and trying work out which button to press!

Lucky we eating out this weekend!

Went acquacise and swim and gosh am wiped out was hectic yesterday had old friend Gra round (lost his wife) for afternoon tea. Then we drove to village few miles away for play vicar of dibley they did it brilliantly gave us laugh. Sadly I started banging on about Tor on Way home. I feel sad with Gra approaching 70 and so want her to contact him!

Tomorrow night barn Dance we each take plate food mmmm

Yes for you and nice daughter yogagirl soooo pleased.
And for me and smileless it may happen one day for us!

Morning girls
Hope your all OK
Well finally I can divulge some wonderful news;
We had a wonderful day out yesterday, we all went to see my ND's first baby scan, yes she is three months pregnant with her first child and my third GC and this one I can love forever and will watch grow up . It was truly wonderful seeing baby on the screen, so clear, the baby was very active & waved, really moving about and gave us a great show! The next scan we will be told if it's a girl or boy, such a heart warming experiance. So at last some happy times! We all went for a celebration lunch after
Hope it's not too long till you Celebgran & Smileless are on here with the same happy news from your NSs for you both, as I know this news is bitter sweet for you. Take care xx

Well done Celebgran with dealing with Godmother of Tor regarding 60th, so your getting strong now

Oooh your new cooker sounds great Celebgran. Wish we only had to wait 8 weeks for our holiday, ours is 14 weeks awaybut it's great to have it to look forward too.

New dress too, you are splashing out; good for you.

Hope all is well with you Yogagirl.

Thanks smileless you so right glad no complications there and to celebrate bought new dress

New double oven eye level may have said bathroom chap promised us new oven for compensation but didn't deliver I asked for painting done. instead as seemed like nothing was coming!

Well cooker working but past it's best so heigh ho ordered blomberg posh looking model after going to small retailers ended up with local one got wash macine and dishwasher from as free installation well on wed different chap said £50 but Saturday we were told not so obviously pleased! It has the stay clean lining,variable grill and posh digital display (old one lettering worn off dials) will report back!

Only just over 8 weeks til Barbados how long til your holiday smileless ?

Hope you keeping out mischief yogagirl

Does any one know what test1234 is?

Well of course you're not old enough to be looking in to pension bonds for yourself Celebgran, we all knew that. Poor Gra is in the same boat as my dear hubby; he's getting old and I'm just getting older.

No, we didn't know about your new cooker, when did it arrive? what's it like? You know how I like all the details. Well done for expressing your feelings about whether or not Tor would get an invite. I can see what they meant about gaining some insight if she accepted or declined, but what it she'd accepted;that would have been very difficult for you and Gra.

I'm glad they've decided against, you must both be relieved and will now be able to look forward to the event.

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