Selfish Son or is it me

It was getting towards his bed time Aka and he had had a long day. He wakes at 4.30 at weekends and fights with his brother (5) as soon as they are both awake

Wow Flower my 3-year old GS would not sit still for that length of time.

Still of tangent and adding to Tegan comment - At a family gathering on Sunday my 3 year old DGS was plonked on my lap while his mum said she had to make an important phone call to work. She disappeared, I didn't mind because it was nice to cuddle him. 45 minutes later I saw her coming towards us (it was in a pub hall) stopped, stood on tip toe and saw that he was OK then disappeared again. She was gone for almost an hour but we sat and rocked to the band and 70 Eagles music, he seemed happy enough. He then started crying and asked for his mummy. My DH took him to his mum, she appeared back with him on her hip (still sobbing) He had said to his mummy that 'Grandma was being mean, bossy and horrible to me' I was gobsmacked. I did say once to him that mummy would be back soon and to stay here with grandma. Children are so funny.

EIGHT !

latest word from G/s aged , except when he is here !
they have their little fads , pick it up in the playground !
Nothing to worry about .

One of my GDs started saying she was bored when she and her twin sister were being looked after by me. She was six then as well! DD said it was just her new 'buzz word' and didn't mean much.

Now they're nearly eight they have many interests we can all share, such as reading, computer games, nature walks etc. Try not to take it personally, as hurtful as it can feel!

Tegan Don't feel miserable. Agree with Bags he is probably tired.
It's good for children to be bored sometimes, I think.
They need to develop the capacity to amuse themselves, and being bored is the first step.
I would offer him a few alternatives read book/play game/watch television and if none of those appeal, I would just say, 'well you think of something, then'.
One of my DCs was like that and to a certain extent, still is!

He probably means tired and looking forward to seeing his mum.

Going off at a tangent but I pick my grandson up after school 2 days a week and bring him back here for his tea. Just recently he's been saying on the run up 5 [when his mum picks him up] that he's bored. It's really hurt me. I know he's only 6 but I feel like telling him that the alternative is for the nursery school to pick him up and take him there [where his brother is] to be picked up by his dad. Should I just keep quiet or is he now old enought to be told that saying things like that can hurt people? In September [when his brother starts school] I'll be taking them to their house. I know how he feels cause when I used to look after him at home when it was nearing the time when his mum and dad got home I started to get fidgety as well.

Not to mention allowing yourself to become a doormat. Will he change now? I hope so, but you're going to have to make some changes and stick to them Over60.

Over60 sorry, but IMO you've made a rod for your own back.

Doubt it. I wouldn't.

Wonder whether the OP will come back?

Well said bags

On another thread, I used my mum's favourite phrase: 'stew in his own juice' and that is just what you should let him do. Any chance that you could find an excuse/reason to leave the country for an extended jaunt somewhere?

over60plus Your son's attitude towards you is shameful. He needs an almighty wake-up-and-fend-for-yourself call. ...for you.

bags Yay! I agree wholeheartedly.

And I'd have left him to it.

If I were that boy's parent, I think I'd have been inclined, in answer to his "whenever I ask you for help there's always a problem", to respond with: "Yes, dear, and that problem is you. Grow up."

Am I the only one who feels a certain sympathy for the partner of 10 years who left a few months ago?

48??? He is not a child but acting like one and a spoilt one at that. Send him on his way with a pen to fill his own papers in.

Over60plus Can I refer you to another thread, where a poster wishes that all the relations who come and stay for their holidays with her, would invite her to stay with them for a change?

That is what we have all said, Glamma He is acting like a spoilt child.

It is up to Over60plus to stick up for herself when expected to continue the process and not live his life (the bits that are hard work) for him.

over60plus welcome to gransnet if you are new to the forum,you son sounds like a spoilt teenager really who is stamping their feet when things don't go their way,I feel sorry for your grand-daughter and her offer for a birthday meal how thoughtless of him to put his drinking first,does he have any sisters who can talk to him and make him realise how he is treating you and you OH,I think the time may have come to pull the plug on the help and let him find his own way in life he is certainly old enough.

And did you comment "Are you going to thank me for doing this for you?" You knew he was not going to be grateful without a nudge.

If you did not remind him, after all the replies that you have had (and you were already annoyed at his attitude) then I am afraid he will not change.

We can only give an opinion to you, we can't speak to him and tell him off on your behalf. It is your life. If you don't do it then I can think of a few reasons why not.

1) You may be afraid of him. This is bad and if you think that he will bully you, you should be informing the police.

2) You may afraid he will stomp off so that you never see him again. He won't. You are too useful to him.

3) You may think it is easiest to indulge him. Fine, if he does things for you in return, not fine if you are dosgbody. And what will he do when you can no longer take on all his legwork?

4) You may be exaggerating what you tell us to get our sympathy. I am sure that can't be the case, but you do see how other people could get rather tired of trying to help you when nothing changes?

Next time he wants to play the helpless baby boy with no responsibilities, you need to play the helpless old mother with the big strong son.