To wish for hospitality to be returned?

I think others are right mrsmopp that your family are just not thinking.Our children just get used to coming 'home' and being looked after from time to time, and if they think at all, it's that parents who are retired are just sitting about anyway! If you are not a confrontational person, then the best way to tackle it is to plead the 'old age ticket' in that you 'just don't seem to have to energy anymore' and if you would really like to stay with them sometimes, to say so. Good luck.Personally I think that 3/4 days is enough to have visitors, just the right amount to enjoy things.

I don't blame you Felice there comes a point when enough is enough.

I didn't expect my visitors to read my mind but they did have eyes and could see everything I was doing. I used to think, well, they know the work involved in running a house and there was no sign of the housework fairy doing it for me. I have never stayed at anyone's house and expected them to wait on me hand and foot but this was a real eye opener for me.

In contrast though, other visitors just saw what needed done and mucked in or offered to help and these were the visits that we all enjoyed.

I can't understand why the op doesn't tell her family what she has told a bunch of strangers. They must think she prefers to stay in a hotel as she's never said otherwise. Instead of simmering resentment, be open and honest and tell them what you want.

It could even be, that those friends and relatives are actually offended that she 'seemed' to prefer staying in hotels and that their place is 'not good enough for her'- it's amazing how unsaid things can escalate so and become so distorted- and then very hard to redress.

As said, quiet honesty is the best way forwards.

We must be so lucky as all our visitors have always been so courteous, brought over lots of stuff with them, and always insisted on doing some shopping, cooking in turn and take us out for a nice meal + share petrol expenses- which makes it a pleasure to host them.

There is a chinese saying that fish and visitors should be thrown out on the third day!!

Nooo I love our visitors- as they are all so well behaved and lovely and a joy- one of the teenage sons is a bit of hard work, but even so ...As for the fish- call the RSPCA ;)

Apricot, isn't every post and thread on here about someone talking to 'a bunch of strangers'? We come on here for some impartial advice on a huge range of topics with people we don't know and who don't know us. That's what it's for!

All I can say now it would not be in my nature to keep inviting myself to stay with someone without returning the hospitality. Just an invite to dinner would be enough. And isn't 'can we all come and see you' a euphemism for 'give us a free holiday'? I couldn't do that to anyone.
People are more selfish these days and they do know they are being cheeky, because they say 'I don't want to be cheeky but can we........"
I'm going to say. "Oh I'm sorry but we will be going away ourselves". Another point is that with some of them I never hear from them the rest of the year, it's not as if they keep in constant touch, this is adult cousins and grown up nephews with their families.
Anyway, thanks for all your helpful replies.

Mrs Mopp Can I refer you to another current thread about a selfish son? The poster is in a similar position to you.

Perhaps reading about a slightly different scenario, and thinking about how you would advise that poster, will stiffen your resolve about how to reply to those who are free-loading on your good nature to get holidays with you without lifting a finger or opening a wallet?

There is no need to be nasty - just say to everyone that you have not been so well this year, and you think you need your family to welcome you and look after you at this time, not for you to take care of everyone else, and you are finding hotels rather impersonal as you get older. If they truly value you, they will invite you.