Mother's day acknowledgment!

jingl I have a lot of respect for your opinions, but on this I have to differ.

Any son who lashes out at his mother, is a domestic abuser in the making. He needs to understand that you do not hit women even if he considers 'they deserved it', which is NEVER the case.

Slapping is not acceptable from either person but I do think you over reacted over a dropped carton.

ruby you wrote a long post detailing an horrendous night with your son and ended it still going on about not getting a mothers day card.

FFS you need to get the situation at home sorted - your tall strong son hit you on the head and later out of the blue he hit you in the neck!

I think in the past you've tried lying low and keeping the peace so he doesn't get upset but your own safety must come first particularly as you're awaiting major heart surgery!

And he sounds as though he is a bit of a hormonal wreck at the moment. Hopefully he will come through that.

And his wife will have chosen to take him on. Rubylady hasn't.

I don't think anyone is condoning the violence in this situation. In fact I was hoping to offer a way of avoiding verbal conflict which could get out of hand.

As I and others have suggested the young man in question seems immature.

No one should be subjected to abuse, physical, verbal or emotional.

x

ruby no mother should be abused physically by their child, but I can understand that you don't want him to leave in this unhappy way.
However, he needs to learn that his behaviour is unacceptable, and maybe he needs some help in order to understand that.
You have tried so hard

Hopefully, he will be a bit older than 18 when he has a wife Anya.

bee

Would any of you offer that same advice to his future wife? That is 'try really hard to avoid confrontation' in case he lashes out at you?

I think not.

Jingle has made a very good point. It takes two to argue and then things get out of hand. Your son certainly sounds very unhappy, but unable to deal with other than in anger.

The advice of trying to avoid confrontation is good. Walk away, if followed, go out for a walk.

Although your son is nearly 18, he is still very young. Most mums think of their 30 year old sons as just out of short trousers!

I sincerely hope that your situation is sorted in an amicable way. x

Thank you jinglbellsfrocks.

& don't worry, you just made me 2 years younger!

63! not 65!

bee65

Rubylady, although I don't for one moment think you should have to put up with being hit by your son, I can understand your not wanting him to leave home under such a horrible cloud. I can only suggest that you try really hard to avoid any other confrontations like this. I know he should have picked up the carton but perhaps he would have done eventually if you had not said anything. I'm not blaming you for one moment. What he did was very wrong, but I think avoidance is probably the best way forward.

I do hope the rest of the day gets better for you.

Thank you gillybob. xx

bee63 there's still time.

Oh please don't cry bee63

I probably won't get a card form either of my DC today. DD will be at work (she works shifts) and DS will be cooking dinner , cleaning and looking after the the little one while DDiL will be at the stables with the DGD's. I know they care. I know they appreciate me. I really don't need a card or flowers to prove it. Maybe you should try and turn things around and do something for yourself to celebrate the fact that you brought up 4 wonderful children who are now adults with lives of their own. No mean achievement ! to you from me.

Sorry to all the mums having a tough time. I think all mothers have tears and feel unloved, at different times.

It seems to be a mother's lot, in life. Men don't seem to understand, it's to do with the physical attachment when giving birth.

For me it makes the times when they are thoughtful, and my GCs more precious.

I think we all try to bring our children up to be strong individuals, cut the aprons strings and yet be there for them when needed. It's tough.

x

I have 4 children.

DD 1) age 29. nothing.

DS 1) age 27. nothing.

DD 2) age 26. nothing.

DS 2) age 15. nothing.

I'm sure DD 1 will pop over later with a card but it's a bit late then imo.

& to people who say 'it's a load of commercial nonsense'. - well maybe, but it's one day a year when your children could show a tiny bit of appreciation

Just want to cry tbh.

anyas right. Its time for tough love. You can't go on tolerating his behaviour (or you can but must accept that he'll think its acceptable and may even get worse).

Oh Rubylady so sorry to hear that. Maybe he will come to his senses later and realise he is out of order. Just one question . Does he take any drugs because it can lead to unpredictability? My lovely DS got in with a bad lot about the same age and started smoking cannabis. He became lazy and rude. Thankfully we found out and he eventually dumped the "friends" and moved away with work. He is now a lovely thoughtful man who will be going out for lunch with me and DD and DGC today.

PS I would not be feeding him today or in future either.

Ruby your son must leave ASAP. So he thinks if he leaves it until May it will be 'be easier for him'. Tough. You ought not to have hit him, but he should not have hit you either.

It's today, bags. I will get one card, though I have 3 DCs. One has estranged herself, DS may think of texting but more likely won't, but my elder DD will come along with a card. It's not even about the card though, is it, for rubylady? Maybe not even about appreciation, either - because we don't need that, as parents, do we? We just ARE parents, doing our best and, as human beings, making mistakes along the way. Maybe for rubylady (as it is for me, and very like likely many of us, it's about reassurance that this adult child of mine is doing OK and that he/she can recognise what can make us feel happy or sad - and care enough to behave accordingly. for all mums who need them today.

What date is mother's day?

Oh rubylady, I feel so sorry for you.
You've tried really hard with your son yet he's still being immature and very disrespectful towards you -I'm not surprised you lost it with him.
You're not being unreasonable at all, even less so when you'd reminded him!
It's obvious he's got a lot of growing up to do and moving out would certainly give you both some breathing space.
((Hugs))