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demanding husband

(66 Posts)
Hermia46 Tue 06-May-14 09:28:49

My husband is driving me potty! - he is retired, as I am I, but whereas I am more than happy with my own company, hobbies and pastimes and don't expect constant attention, he seems unable to do anything without approval. Barely downstairs this morning post shower when it was 'come and have a look at this on the pc' 6.30 am!! When all I want is my breakfast and a cup of tea! How do I get him to stop this childish demanding behaviour ? It is making me very grumpy ...can't seen icon for grumpy!!

jinglbellsfrocks Tue 06-May-14 09:34:21

I think that's a man thing. My DH is a bit like it.

You can either try to point out that this gets on your nerves, which could cause strife, or just take a quite look and say "oh yes" or "umm". I do the latter.

jinglbellsfrocks Tue 06-May-14 09:34:42

quick not quite

Nonu Tue 06-May-14 09:38:46

Welcome to the world of retired husbands .

If it any consolation , they do get better at it , but maybe for some of them it is not having the structure of a working day , so feel slightly uneasy !

It usually comes right in the end !


merlotgran Tue 06-May-14 09:39:51

Mines the same. He has a knack of waiting until I'm walking away to call me back because he wants to show me something when only a few seconds earlier I was standing right beside him. angry

I think this is definitely a retirement thing. After three years I'm becoming very good at pretending to be deaf. wink

Soutra Tue 06-May-14 09:47:00

Mine will even "summon" me up to his study to show me something on the computer. I think it might be their idea of "sharing" (we have GN for that) but as nonu says - welcome to our world!!

Oldgreymare Tue 06-May-14 09:55:32

It's the 'damn fool questions' that get me...... answers could be found by 1) either of us, not just me
2) bothering to read labels/instructions
3) engaging brain....
Rant over! smile

KatyK Tue 06-May-14 09:58:41

Mine was the same when he first retired. Every time he heard a car door slam shut outside he would look at me and say 'who's that?' confused Now where did I put my crystal ball...... Thankfully he got voluntary work and he's a lot better now.

HildaW Tue 06-May-14 10:03:27

I roared with laughter at an item on the BBC breakfast programme - supposedly about MOTs. Members of the public were being asked whether they checked their cars before they put them in for MOTs(evidently many cars fail on simple basics). A lady , without a hint of irony said - 'Oh men are forever looking under the bonnet and not knowing what they are looking for'.....a metaphor for so much I thought! grin

sixtynotout Tue 06-May-14 10:10:31

Reading your comments I have finally realised my husband is normal he does all of the above.

glammanana Tue 06-May-14 10:15:42

hermia its such a fine line after years of being in contact with people from his work place he must feel like a spare part and is trying his best to fit into your routine,things will ease with time and a bit of selective hearing,tell him gently you need an hour to get yourself to-gether in the mornings and things will get better I'm sure.

Cressida Tue 06-May-14 10:21:17

Mine once met me as was walking back from the shops because he thought I might have forgotten to get a particular item. I hadn't!!

It infuriated me as I'd been managing to remember the shopping all by myself for years.

He was 39 and had recently left the Royal Navy after 20 years!!

KatyK Tue 06-May-14 10:45:14

Cressida - I can identify with that. I worked in our city centre for 37 years. DH hardly visited the place. When he retired he had to go into town about twice a week. Then when we visited together on the odd occasion he was ordering me about, telling me the best way to get to certain places. He knew all about the buses although he hadn't been on a bus for over 30 years and I used them every day. I said to him once in frustration 'I BLOODY KNOW, I'VE WORKED HERE FOR NEARLY 40 YEARS!' He's lovely really though smile

ninathenana Tue 06-May-14 11:13:04

DD dropped of my brand new laptop that she had set up for me ( I could have done it but she wanted to 'play') he unpacked it angry whilst I was preparing Sunday lunch. "Where do you want to keep the charger, where are you going to put the laptop?' he called from the lounge.
'I don't * know yet' I shouted back.

OGM another one full of damn fool questions grin

ninathenana Tue 06-May-14 11:14:40

Should have read s***ing know yet grin

sunseeker Tue 06-May-14 15:31:35

I am not a morning person but DH was the sort who would leap out of bed in the morning full of the joys! When we were first married he would start asking questions and issuing instructions for the day - until I told him this was grounds for divorce! After that he would quietly bring me a cup of coffee and not speak until this had been consumed by which time I could remember my name

numberplease Tue 06-May-14 17:48:26

Mine will quite happily leave daughter and me twiddling our thumbs in boredom whilst he watches lengthy sporting events, but woe betide him having nothing to watch and us doing something on our laptops, or reading, he suddenly needs our attention for something or other, can`t bear it if we have something to occupy us and he hasn`t.

apricot Tue 06-May-14 18:25:36

Men retiring now were too often brought up to do nothing in the house and carried on that way during their working lives. I know someone who plans every day around "looking after" her husband, which means doing exactly what he wants and never having an hour to herself.
Thank goodness today's young men have to take equal shares of running a home and childcare. They won't expect their partners to treat them like another child in retirement.

FlicketyB Tue 06-May-14 20:27:51

The best cure is to get them involved in some outside activities. It could be a hobby, voluntary work or anything else, preferably involving a social side to it. DH took up short mat bowling after he retired as it happens in the local village hall. He now knows far more local people in the village than I do!

Be firm about not being interrupted when otherwise occupied. It is a pain to begin with but the message gets through eventually

Deedaa Tue 06-May-14 22:02:27

When DH became too ill to work we sold his car and I now do all the driving. On the rare occasions when he comes with me he will insist on directing me! It took us half an hour to find the crematorium for his mother's funeral because he told me not to take the turning which I knew was there, but to carry on and go down one he thought he'd seen years ago! It didn't exist so we had to take the scenic route!!!

Hermia46 Thu 08-May-14 09:58:30

Brilliant Gransnetters all, I love the comments and I am so glad I am not the only one who thinks like this. I particularly like the advice to either go 'deaf' or to simply lay down some ground rules for his time and my time, on the other hand I also like 'I know the bloody way I have been doing it for forty years'....


Aka Thu 08-May-14 10:53:31

I have the opposite problem in that Mr Aka relies on me to tell him what to do and how to do it. Problem is I then have to go and admire his work and exclaim how wonderful it all is.
But I'm learning fast. I've just sent him down the allotment with instructions on which bed needs turning over next. This will get rid of take him at least an hour and with a bit of luck he'll meet some other boring old farts retired men down there and they'll get chatting so another hour of peace and quiet smile

GillT57 Thu 08-May-14 12:37:31

I love the expression on women's faces in the Supermarket when they are being advised' by their newly retired husbands.grin What is the expression? twice the husband but half the income?

KatyK Thu 08-May-14 12:41:29

Aka grin

HildaW Thu 08-May-14 14:14:42

yes that's exactly it Gill!