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Fit to bust

(31 Posts)
Kiora Fri 30-May-14 09:39:25

I think I am being unreasonable. I just can't help it. In march this year while traveling on the motorway with our two young grandchildren a tarpaulin was ripped off a lorry in front of us and completely covered my little car. We were driving in complete darkness for about two minutes and the noise was as if the roof was being ripped off. We stopped did the usual of exchanging details. My husband (who was driving) informed the insurance company we were also a witness for the lorry in front of us because the tarpaulin hit him before us. There wasn't as much damage as I'd feared but some small deep gouges over the bonnet and roof. For some unfathomable reason my husband got it into his head that he didn't want to wait for the insurance to sort things out so 8 weeks after the incident he put the car into a spray shop and asked them to fix the paintwork while we were on holiday. I warned him not to. I asked him not to. I told him I thought it was the wrong thing to do. Now we have a £900 bill and it looks as if the insurance won't pay out because the car wasn't inspected. For the first time in decades we had an enormous row. I can hardly speak to him. He does this sort of thing every now and again gets a stupid idea into his head and runs head long into disaster. Normally I just feel a little put out but This time I'v really lost the plot. I feel like crying, I feel miserable, it's affecting my daily life. I'm so incensed and I know I AM BEING UNREASONABLE. angry

Agus Fri 30-May-14 09:45:49

Did he not get an estimate first to give him an idea of the cost?

I would be livid too angry on your behalf Kiaora

jinglbellsfrocks Fri 30-May-14 09:47:16

Actually you are not being unreasonable at all. Would funds possibly allow for you to have a few days away in a luxury hotel, somewhere really nice, just you and a girl friend. Just to get even with the eejit DH.

I hope you reported the lorry driver to the police. You really did get off lightly. shock

ginny Fri 30-May-14 09:51:22

I'd be livid too !

Soutra Fri 30-May-14 09:57:12

What a terrifying experience! I wonder if your DH's actions were a kind of delayed shock reaction to a potentially tragic situation to sort of wipe it from his mind? The money side is infuriating but bent metal is just that and that you all were unharmed is much more important. Forgive him and be grateful that you and your DGC are safe and well. flowers

lucyinthesky Fri 30-May-14 10:14:52

I would be very cross too Kiora - that is a huge sum of money and very stupid not to have waited for the inspection, however long the insurance company took, unless the car was somehow undriveable which it seems it wasn't. But I'm glad you all are OK tho, it must have been an awful experience, esp for your DH who was driving. flowers

merlotgran Fri 30-May-14 10:22:16

I'm surprised your insurance company took so long to sort things out. What kind of cover do you have? Someone ran into the back of my car at traffic lights last September. I needed a new back bumper and towbar and it was all done and dusted in under three weeks.

What a horrible experience. Thank goodness nobody was hurt.

suebailey1 Fri 30-May-14 10:31:05

I do sympathise DH and I recently hit a bad patch compounded by his control freakery- he likes to have the last word on all large household purchases on the grounds that he does a great deal of research to find the best price best review bets value la la la. However his main criteria is price whereas mine is quality. Three items (shan't bore you with the detail) bought far too cheaply and against my better judgement collapsed soon after purchase necessitating another buy. This is a long standing pattern with us - he knows best and sulks if we dont do things his way and we were already bickering over nothing daily. I wasn't feeling well and things went from bad to worse until we had a spectacular row in a famous London restaurant which concluded in full public view in Regents Park. I had had enough and was making plans to leave UNTIL in a strange uncharacteristic move he apologised very nicely and sincerely later that week something he has eve done in 35 years of marriage its worth holding out - these bad patches do pass. Sending you best wishes

rosesarered Fri 30-May-14 10:52:33

Kiora and suebailey1 you have my sympathies.It's a man thing isn't it?
However good it is [in many ways] to allow them to have the last word in some things, if it's costing you a great deal of money, then things do need sorting out, and sometimes a row is the only way to get the message through.Unless you are millionaires.Impulse buys are never a good idea, or impulse decisions either.Kiora your DH should have waited for the inspection as you say, did you ever get a proper explanation why he went ahead? if it's more than just male behaviour, could be the male menopause!
Or something to do with control, and needing to be the one who controls.Either way, it's annoying [at the least].sue can't your DH see that he is buying inferior stuff?

harrigran Fri 30-May-14 11:33:02

YANBU I would have been furious.

Nelliemoser Fri 30-May-14 11:43:56

Oh! that was a bad move. I have a husband who does not think things through which leads to all sorts of messes.
You cannot really blame the insurance company for not paying out in those circumstances.

Jingle's idea is the best response.

Kiora Fri 30-May-14 11:55:36

I doubt I will ever get an explanation. Your right it's male behaviour. Now he's just using his 'hang dog' expression to make me feel guilty and get some sympathy. It's sooooo infuriating. jings it's because we have just reached a time in our lives when things are a little easier that I'm so annoyed. We can pay but it will mean doing without for a while. He did report the incident to the police. Your right though he is an eejit. I think I'm taking it so badly because there is no where to take all this anger and frustration. I'm a bit of a hippo sort of person ( I wallow) I so envy those of us who can work it through by keeping busy, cleaning the oven, baking bread. I'm just not like that. It will dissipate I know but until it does I feel murderous.

petallus Fri 30-May-14 12:02:34

I can so relate to this thread.

Recently it occurred to me that I could 'insist' that DH did not go ahead with a course of action I totally disagreed with.

For some reason many of us women feel we can only protest and then back off and let them have their way.

Kiora I should allow yourself to wallow for a bit longer. Better than bottling it up. Would it be possible to have a sensible 'debriefing session' with your DH to try to get some acknowledgement of your point of view and an agreement on how to behave in situations like this one in the future?

gillybob Fri 30-May-14 12:02:44

I'm sorry suebailey1 but I simply had to laugh at your post. I bet you were totally struck dumb when the "S" word came out ! My DH cannot be wrong, he simply can't. He will wrangle anything around until he is right. He is a super sulker too and the Sssssssssssssorry word isn't in his vocabulary !

Imagine if the shoe had been on the other foot though Kiora ? I can totally understand your wanting to murder him scream !

Soutra Fri 30-May-14 12:23:32

Well I think he should be given more credt for avoiding a potentially catastrophic accident - I assume he was driving? Two minutes of unsighted driving was plenty long enough to write off a car and all its occupants. Cut the man some slack can't you?

Kiora Fri 30-May-14 12:48:18

Oh I did give him massive credit on the day of the accident. I was momentarily paralysed with fear. He was very calm so much so that the children didn't even realise we'd been in any danger. They thought we'd been through a tunnel and didn't understand why we had stopped the car and made them stand on the bank. It's what he done since that's infuriated me. Not for the first time either. He complete ignores the obvious and just goes ahead regardless. There's just no reasoning with him. Letting the insurance deal with it would have been the easy option ....but oh no he knew better. Now I am without a car, we have a huge bill aaarrrrrrhhhhhhh ba....dEEJIT

goldengirl Fri 30-May-14 20:35:21

Lysistrata comes to mind (I think that's how you spell it!) as a way of doling out revenge

rosesarered Fri 30-May-14 20:41:12

That may be going a bit far goldengirl oooo-er missus!

rosesarered Fri 30-May-14 20:42:21

and if it's only once a year or on his birthday, he may not notice. grin

jinglbellsfrocks Fri 30-May-14 20:43:47

You have taken it as far as you can with the insurance company? Ombudsman perhaps?

Really, the company the lorry driver was working for should pay. Or the lorry driver himself. It was his fault for not securing the tarpaulin safely.

Kiora Fri 30-May-14 22:25:44

goldengirl I am probably stupid but what but what does lysistrata mean? Your right Jings I will investigate. The post was really about why men (mostly) do this type of thing. You'd think after almost 40 years I'd understand or at the very least be used to it.

merlotgran Fri 30-May-14 22:28:39

Mine wouldn't dare grin

HollyDaze Fri 30-May-14 22:52:00

Mine wouldn't have either grin

liminetta Fri 30-May-14 23:15:42

this man sounds a lot like my husband, Kiaora.
once, a few years ago,we had a conservatory built, and I wanted to get a plumber (or heating engineer) to fit a radiator in there to run along with our house central heating.But DH said, No; that would mean draining all the radiators.So he went and bought an electric one, which is absolutely and totally useless! But of course, he wouldn't admit he was wrong, although it was blatantly obvious to any fool that he WAS!
His technique is (after all my moaning and grousing), is to fall silent , refuse to discuss, and then TO SULK!!!! Grrrrrrrr!
He has always been like this.I know EXACTLY how you are feeling right now.I used to think I had a volcano building up pressure inside of me, and whenever I was alone in the house, I would smash a few pots to get rid of some pressure.He (and I) are getting on a bit now, and he dosnt sulk quite so much anymore.And I have a full set of

Kiora Fri 30-May-14 23:47:29

Ooh err goldengirl I googled it and found out what it means. All I'm willing to say is that it could be the start of a whole new discussion on that very subject.