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to think there is such a thing as society?

(41 Posts)
Penstemmon Mon 04-Aug-14 22:47:38

I find that the current financial climate polarises folk. Some people are re ally inward looking whereas others put themselves out to make things easier for others. What's your response in tough situations?

12Michael Sat 09-Aug-14 07:41:23

I think growth in population the age of the computer and related off shoots like mobiles have killed everything.
Its who do you trust, you have teenagers growing into adults where its all demand and you cannot tell us what to do attitude.
Allot maybe background, upbringing and education which society acts to today.
Mixing socially is dying out , which help with things such as jobs etc.

thatbags Sat 09-Aug-14 07:53:41

I don't think it matters where you live. If you are a friendly, out-going, joining-in person, you will make friends and feel part of whatever community you find yourself in. You find out what's happening, what makes the place where you live "tick" and you join groups and societies, you get involved. It's that simple. If you'd rather not, then you don't. Not everyone is a joiner-in but there's nothing wrong with that either.

I think personality is the key here, less so background or education.

thatbags Sat 09-Aug-14 07:56:10

In short, if you get out and do stuff you'll feel part of a community, or several communities. If you do nothing but go to work, come home and stay put with your head down (which is fine if that's what you want), feeling part of a community might not come so easily.

Except nowadays, of course, there are online communities, like this one.

Gagagran Sat 09-Aug-14 08:31:19

Summed up perfectly Bags. Someone once said to me that you have to go out and meet the world half-way as it won't beat a path to your door. That is so true of you want to feel included in things.

We've moved to completely new areas, where we knew no-one outside family, twice in the last 11 years and each time we have both gone and joined things that interest us. In my case WI and a choir and in DH's case a cycling club. New friends grow from acquaintances and we have made many.

My sister is not a joiner of things but she is happy in her home following her craft hobbies and keeping in touch with her large family. That's fine too. I agree that it's down to personality and whether you want to make the effort needed to join things.

Jane10 Sat 09-Aug-14 17:35:27

Having recently moved to a flat in a largish block I was very surprised (but happy) when an apparently extremely elderly lady asked in a quavery voice if she could help me with my many bags of shopping. It was so kind of her but I couldn't dream of letting her carry up any of my bags as I reckoned she would end up pinned to the ground by the sheer weight! Turns out that most of our neighbours are just as friendly and recently held a party in the lobby area for us all to meet up and chat. I should say that its not special housing for the elderly and I`m very much the "new girl"! People seem to have moved here and just stayed. Think I will too! I`d be happy to get involved and help out in any way I could.

FlicketyB Sat 09-Aug-14 17:38:54

etheltbags1 Tell someone.

DD lives in an ex council house. Next door is still a council house and when the elderly neighbour living there moved to sheltered housing it was given to a single mother with children and an on/off boyfriend. After a few months she began to not use the house and it was being left empty and neglected.

One day when DD was in the garden and someone clearly official knocked on the non-existent neighbour's door, DD looked up and said. 'Nobody has been living there for months, I think they may have moved out'.

Within a week the girl and her children had moved back in and Social Services started visiting regularly. DD was actually much happier when they weren't there but also resented paying taxes etc to pay the rent on a property that wasn't being occupied. Like you she felt if one family didn't want to live there is should be allocated to someone else

12Michael Sun 10-Aug-14 08:41:15

I prior to moving into a Anchor Home, lived in a Housing Association Flat for 18 years plus, a change with the person who moved in above me, thought he ruled the roost not wanting the Housing Association to find out what he was getting up to.
Found he had been inside for murder, and tried to dictate to me what to do as if he ran the close where I lived.
Was only to glad to move, have lived in Anchor home for nearly 12 months and happier for it.

janerowena Sun 10-Aug-14 12:02:05

I have moved around a lot and lived all over the UK in all sorts of houses and flats over the years. I have always made lots of friends. My daughter says that as people always seem to approach me on station platforms and bus queues and in supermarkets, I must just have 'that sort of face'. Am still trying to find out what she meant by that.

However, I have discovered that, like another poster, the north-west was the area least likely to invite you to their home. Home is for family and not for socialising, especially among the older generation. Very friendly, but you are more likely to meet up out of the house by appointment rather than have them pop round for a coffee.

glammanana Sun 10-Aug-14 13:53:16

When my siblings and I where younger I can't remember anyone calling into our house to visit mum or dad without an invitation,but they where very well known in the area and spoke to all the neighbours,mum used to say that dad didn't like neighbours in the home which I thought strange.
We have lived in just one area where the neighbours where very unfriendly and we sold up after 18mths and moved further into the village where to difference was amazing people where very friendly and always asked how the children where.
Now living in Supported Housing our neighbours are generally 20yrs older than us I am classed as the baby on the Vale because I am early 60s they are friendly and I go out of my way to see them as often as I can without being intrusive.I'll knock with that bit of extra soup or stew I have made just to make sure they have someone to chat to as some of their families don't bother it seems out of sight out of mind,which is very sad really.

Sugarpufffairy Sun 10-Aug-14 14:57:53

I am living in the family home which my parents moved to in mid 1950s. Although I have lived in lots of other places this seems to be the most difficult place. I have been a very regular person in the area even after I got married and moved a few miles away. In those days I visited my parent about twice a week. Latterly I was in the house on a daily basis if I was not actually sleeping over because of elderly/health problems.
Within hours of the death of my last parent I had people asking what I was doing with the house. I have lived alone here for 2 years. I speak to no-one. When family or friends visit they are watched. When I go in or out I am watched. When I have a workman at the house this is big news. One neighbour (male) who normally never talks to me questioned every thing that had happened in my life recently, such as he knew my kids have all got cars now, my ex husband had called round in a car, that there had been a man call on me carrying flowers, he wanted to know why I did not use the garage, which bedroom did I sleep in and the usual what are you doing with the house? This is the father of a Hospital Doctor. On the other side I have a nurse. She saw marks where I was going to have a driveway. She and her mother in law also a nurse took to parking right up to these lines. This nurse's sister supposed to be a Social Worker, came out to my daughter's car. I was in the car with my daughter and two grandchildren aged 4 and 6 months. I am a disabled pensioner and my daughter had just had major surgery. This woman demanded to know if I had been waving at her and I had better not be.
I dont know what these people are thinking. Did they ever entertain hopes that my late father would leave them the house. Or perhaps they had an eye on the house for relatives of their own. I dont know what excuses for humanity they are but this is not my way of conducting myself but maybe that is the difference. I have never associated with such difficult people.
I do not believe there is any society nowadays. I want to move and have the ability to get another house but I am terrified of getting any more neighbours like this street.
As a result of their conduct towards me I am looking for the most obnoxious tenants I can find!

Joan Sun 10-Aug-14 23:35:25

It sounds to me like extremely bad luck in neighbours, that will probably not be repeated elsewhere. It could be that your quietness and normality sparks their curiosity. But asking about the house withing hours of your bereavement is disgusting.

Leave and get yourself a nice place in a better neighbourhood. You can always make subtle enquiries about what an area is like, before you buy.

I wish you all the best.

Sugarpufffairy Mon 11-Aug-14 21:13:57

It is just in this area that I have the problem really. I had my own flat in this area many years ago and it was awful. The only thing was that it was close to my parents.
I had one man at my own flat who thought a widow who had just lost all her male relatives was in need of his attentions! I dont like him or his wife who may or may not be involved in the suggestive conduct. The other neighbours at my flat have all asked if I would go back. A top flat is not the best place for an oldie otherwise I would.
I have lived in many other areas and I still meet up with the daughter of a neighbour from a flat I lived in from 1974 to 1978. I have facebook contact with people from an area 300 miles from here.
I am wary of people now. I dont want to talk in case I am taken the wrong way. If anything happens to me the house will go to one or other of my daughters so I dont see what they can gain. Maybe they are just weird. Maybe as you said my quietness is taken as weird. Perhaps they dont have the patience to wait and see when if ever the house comes up for sale or rent.
Thank you for you thoughts on this situation.

FlicketyB Tue 12-Aug-14 15:01:25

I have commented on other threads the way in the past much of people's social life was lived on the street.

My DPiL, lived in the same small town/large village all their lives as did generations of their families before them. When we walked to the shops they knew everybody and progress was slow because we stopped to chat to every single person, but only family and one very close friend ever came into the house. Even they would call in just for coffee and never stayed for a meal. Every one knew the rules and, again when we visited we always called inoin family, but I can never remember having a meal with any of them.

As for people's inappropriate behaviour after a death, a close friend was widowed earlier this year. She is only in her early 60s. Within days she was being asked if she was going to sell the family home, 'it will be too big for you now', the car, 'You wont want that estate car now your husband is gone' and one even suggested she might want to move into the retirement flat her 85 year old father had just vacated to go into care!

Iam64 Tue 12-Aug-14 18:30:43

I know my neighbours well enough to chat if we meet up, we take in each others post etc, but none of us socialise with each other. We'e a disparate group politically, age wise and if we weren't neighbours, I don't expect we'd be a natural friendship group. It's good to know though, that there's always a friendly greeting when working in the front garden.

Joan Mon 18-Aug-14 12:05:45

I really liked this article - which is sort of about society....