My DS lives 7000 miles away and has lived and worked there for 10 years. He has a good highly professional job. His wife is also highly educated in the arts and it took her a long time to get regular employment, She does not work regular hours, rehearsals, gigs, teaching. Between them they work childcare as it so so expensive Emails are exchanged almost daily between me and DS, often at my instigation, and we have Skype about once a month to see DGS. DGS who is 12 months doesn't last too long in front of the monitor before getting impatient.... or 'overstimulared' The time difference is 8 hours behind me. I speak with DS on the phone about every 2 weeks.
Approx. 3 months ago we did a visit of 2 weeks. All went pretty well, we got lots of time with baby, got to look after him for a couple of full days, took him for walks, and played with him in the home. We had as much time as we wanted and there was no holding back on their part.
Considering we were in DILs home and kitchen, all went smoothly. DIL and I got on well. On the night we left I was very emotional leaving our little grandson and not knowing when we would see them again. It is 3 years since they have visited us. DILs family are not nearby and live up in the very north, Her father is in poor health and cannot travel DIL has tried a couple of times to visit but arrangements haven't worked out ....this time in was a measles outbreak.
When baby went to bed on our last night I was pretty emotional, but settled myself ok once he got to bed. My DH, DS, DDIL and myself had a nice evening chat and big hugs and a few tears when DIL went to bed. Note: we were leaving in the middle of the night.
DH ( stepfather to DS) went to bed and left me and DS alone, we had a lovely chat, nice honest talk about family life (his new wee family) and family life in general. I have 3 stepsons at home 3 DILs and 2 stepgrandchilrem that I love dearly and who we see all te time.
My difficulty is that loving my DSGC as I do, only makes the parting from my little DGS 7000 miles disatant, all the harder to hear.
We did get quite regular photos and short videos from DILs phone camera.
They are spacing out a bit more now.
My point, is that DDIL has never been great in sending emails, Over the years she would respond to some of my emails, but not all. When she does respond her mails are friendly enough. Every couple of weeks I send a wee email, sometimes chatty, sometimes just including a coupe of pics of the flowers in my garden. These aren't responded to but I keep in touch with her anyway, not expecting and response but keeping up contact, so that it can never be said that I didn't make an effort. I don't know if she would find this irritating or not.
Sometimes DIL will send pic/video to me of baby up on feet, but with none or very little text.
I am well aware of how busy a life they lead, DSs job is pressure, DILs work is scooting about to gigs, classes etc. She plays classical oboe and teaches also.
Also they are not young parents, DIL was 41 when baby was born and it was a traumatic and nightmare of a C-Section, DIL was not properly under when they first incision was made
I'd quite like more interact with DIL or should I be content with what we have. And just continue to send my little 'chatty' emails every few weeks.
DIL is classical muscian with a musicians outlook, don't use plastic bags, all organic food, She can be a little bit of a drama queen To give credit, she looked after us very well on our visit, good food, and make her home and kitchen to be our own. She was not possessive over the child, asked us to help him at mealtimes and solids had only been started.
I have not mentioned my thoughts on this to my son, no point in making waves. I haven't mentioned it to DH because he thinks DDIL is a bit of a 'tree hugger' and should 'join the real world' and not keep baby in a 'bubble'. i.e. still breast feeding at 12 months etc.
Our DGS here run about the farm free as birds.
Baby pics aren't arriving just as often as they did at the beginning. If I say something it could very well be taken as a criticism.
Do I go with the flow, their flow, keep mouth shut, and be happy for them. And I keep quiet.........
In my own mind I don't think it should be too much of a hardship for them to send a few pics more often that they do.
Son and DIL can be quite straight talking.. And my lovely DH can be stubbon if he felt he was being slighted, so I've said nothing of my feelings to DH.
Any thoughts or opinions are appreciated, Am I luckier that many and just expecting too much. I can be a bit over sensitive but try to deal with it, so honest thoughts appreciated. And don't be worrying about my feelings.
I am just interest to hear if Gnetters think our long distance relationship is an ok one. Most of the time I believe that it is. I wonder if I should try and let go a bit more.
Would like DIL to be a little more proactive but not a lot we can do about that.
Coolgran65 Thu 14-Aug-14 06:41:34
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