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Does my bum look big in this?

(26 Posts)
Soutra Sun 07-Sep-14 12:52:06

No, don't answer that! grin We al know there are some questions to which only men the foolish would hazard an answer. Other examples might be "What do you think of my new boyfriend?" "Isn't (s)he a gorgeous baby/dog/anteater? " "It's OK to bring my dog /budgie/MIL isn't it?"
I maintain that is you ask a question you have to be prepared to hear an answer. If you ask for an honest opinion, don't be surprised to hear it even if you don't agree with it and if you are not prepared to hear then do not ask.
We probably do try to be tactful, but when a thread title asks a question, why do some OPs take such exception to hearing an answer?
Discussion is about different sides to an issue., different opinions and a question asking for advice may result in suggestions. I would not expect it to result in a barrage of PMs referring to oneself as an "evil bitch" (you know who you are) and accusations of being mean because I have a sh*t life myself.
So to the member who has now barred me from replying I would just reiterate sorry, repeat, as you dismiss long words as "gibberish" - if you ask a question, don't be surprised to get an answer. And if I "do not know what you are going through" that might be because all I have to go on is what you have said in your posts.

Ana Sun 07-Sep-14 12:55:53

Oh yes, I had one of those...hmm

I'd probably have had several more if I hadn't blocked the sender!

janeainsworth Sun 07-Sep-14 13:04:34


HildaW Sun 07-Sep-14 13:15:14

Soutra, am with you in pretty much all you say. I too have responded to the odd 'am I being unreasonable' question with an answer that basically says 'yes' only to be roundly criticised. I think such posters want affirmation not contradiction and basically do not understand what a forum is.
.....Its really not like talking to your friend (the placid one who tends to agree with you for a quiet life) who will tactfully listen and perhaps offer something nearer to what you want to hear (especially if they know you are the sort to fly off the handle at something you do not like).

In a similar vein I also dislike those who feel they can dish out the unvarnished truth (basically being glaringly rude) yet go all thin skinned (and weepy) when you attempt to reply in a similar way.

As to your final point - perhaps the odd seminar is required on here....'How to write a succinct OP' or 'Its not a novel.....just give us the facts'. Joking apart there will always be folks who think there are easy answers to the myriad complexities of human life. There are also some who just cannot accept that their view on the world is not the only one.

Smileless2012 Sun 07-Sep-14 13:35:24

shockbad enough to have received such an awful pm but to also be barred so you can't even reply is disgusting. flowersfor you Soutra.

kittylester Sun 07-Sep-14 13:47:48

And flowers from me toosoutra - that sort of stuff is unnecessary!

Nelliemoser Sun 07-Sep-14 14:34:59

Flipping Heck Soutra IMO Anyone sending abusive pms should be banned. I would have reported that.
If you cannot disagree politely in public don't do it at all.

Pms should be for private messages of support etc where confidentiality is required and not to allow abusive behaviour.

kittylester Sun 07-Sep-14 14:36:38

Well said Nellie

ninathenana Sun 07-Sep-14 15:07:02

Here, here, Nellie

I have just read a pm apology from someone who gave an honest opinion to something I posted.
I appreciated the thought but having asked the question, I was prepared for some negative comments and wasn't the least upset or offended.
If you ask for opinions, be prepared to take them !!

flowers Soutra that's awful.

glammanana Sun 07-Sep-14 15:49:12

Well said Nellie and some flowers for Soutra goodness what is happening on here lately hmm

HollyDaze Sun 07-Sep-14 16:12:09

Pms should be for private messages of support etc where confidentiality is required and not to allow abusive behaviour.

I agree with that.

In a similar vein I also dislike those who feel they can dish out the unvarnished truth (basically being glaringly rude) yet go all thin skinned (and weepy) when you attempt to reply in a similar way.

And that.

There is disagreeing and there is disagreeing - it can be done tactfully or with little care for the other person's feelings. If someone deliberately chooses to be a bit offensive, do they have the right to complain if the other person retaliates? Tact and diplomacy go a long way - on both sides.

MiceElf Sun 07-Sep-14 16:15:54

Soutra, this is disgraceful. I hope the person in question is barred immediately.

But, don't I remember a similar situation arising some time ago when a number if regular posters received offensive pm's?

Is it a virus or a reincarnation?

Aka Sun 07-Sep-14 16:31:30

Ana and * Soutra* that's bad. If it is the same person sending you both nasty PMs then that person has a problem.

HildaW Sun 07-Sep-14 16:51:06

Aka is right.....and in the cold light of day most of us can realise that someone who gets this unpleasant has issues that are often nothing to do with the subject in hand.

As the old cliché goes....such behaviour says more about them then it does about oneself. Trouble is, its still upsetting at the time.

In many ways its immature behaviour, all this ranting and accusing others of various anti-social 'crimes'. As my Mum always used to say about the little so and sos who used to tease in the playground.....its best to ignore them once you realise the 'conversation' is just going round and round, getting nowhere and becoming more and more unpleasant.

Anne58 Sun 07-Sep-14 17:09:49

Soutra and Ana If you have both had rude PM's from the same member, I agree with others who say that the member in question should be reported.

Ana Sun 07-Sep-14 17:11:39

Well, it'll be interesting to see if the member in question continues posting - she certainly did even after I'd mentioned her very rude PM to me on another thread! Just ignored my post...

Ana Sun 07-Sep-14 17:14:12

Crossed posts, phoenix. I didn't report the member at the time as I thought it was probably a one-off, childish rant, but it seems I was mistaken!

JessM Sun 07-Sep-14 18:15:04

Folks if you get an abusive PM please, please report it. You might be able to shrug it off but the same person might be sending even nastier PMs to more vulnerable members. In fact they probably are. It's happened in the past and no reason to think it won't happen again.
Unless you report them GN will not know. If you do report them, they can look behind the scenes and see what is happening. There are bullies that use the internet to gain access to people and do so anonymously. Don't keep this behaviour to yourself. You know what advice you would give to grandchildren if this was happening to them: don't keep it a secret

annodomini Sun 07-Sep-14 18:24:45

Yes, I agree. Report such pms - please. I had to do it once and the sender was banned.

Agus Sun 07-Sep-14 18:56:12

That is appalling and completely out of order Soutra. flowers What a cowardangry

Ana I remember the thread you are referring to and the blatent ignoring of your post..Pathetic

Iam64 Sun 07-Sep-14 21:07:33

Soutra and Ana flowers

I'm in agreement with others, the abusive pm's should be reported to GNHQ. Very unpleasant, and unnecessary

Ana Sun 07-Sep-14 21:13:58

I have already reported mine to GNHQ.

Soutra Sun 07-Sep-14 21:25:16

I have resisted for most of today and also deliberately have not named names! However thank you for your support also for Ana, while we are each big enough to fight our own corner if necessary it has been comforting to know that we were not alone in feeling this was out of order !
The principle remains though doesn't it? If you invite comment you can't be surprised if replies come in all shades. So I will not risk asking "Does my bum look big in this?" gringrin

Ana Sun 07-Sep-14 21:33:54

I imagine this will be an end to it for the time being, but similar problems have occurred in the past and it pays to be wary, sometimes, although it is of course in most of our natures to be trusting.

Anne58 Sun 07-Sep-14 22:18:38

Ana very well put.

I think that a certain member who was (I believe) previously banned has since come back under around 5 different names (could be wrong, and if I am I will sincerely apologise)

I would like to ask HQ what (if any, because I appreciate that there are probably oodles of people registering as new members) steps are there in place to check if someone who seems to be a new member is actually a returning one, albeit under a different name?

PS Excluding Jingl, of course! grin