Hi all,
I have recently become a nanny to the most darling baby boy. I'm the paternal nanny, and my grandson is 11 weeks old. He's totally yummy and I have to admit that I wasn't expecting to love him so completely, just as I love my children. My son and his partner live with her mum, literally just down the road. I always knew that they would be spending babys first year with her mother, and that's fine as I get on with her and her mum really well, but - I am starting to feel left out and untrusted, and it's really hurting me.
Over the last six weeks or so, mum and dad have been out a few times, and maternal nanny has babysat. I see the sense in that as it's less disruptive to babys routine and I wouldn't expect to have him overnight yet. But, maternal nan has also taken him to town for the afternoon, and I'm not "allowed". My son isn't even allowed to bring his son round to me for some "mum, son and grandson" time. I do get to see my grandson a couple of times a week, and my sons partner is very relaxed with me and lets me feed him and change him etc. However, I always have to ask to see him, and my requests are often met with time restrictions, or refused as they're always doing something with maternal nan and her side of the family. Of course I appreciate that, but it seems very one sided and as if their side of the family is more important. At Christmas they had lunch with her mum, slotted us in for an hour in the afternoon and then spent the evening and Boxing Day with maternal nan's family and friends. For New Year they're spending NYE with maternal nan's family and friends, and are spending New Years Day with them too. I've asked to see them on NYE but have only been told "maybe, for half an hour". Apparently my sons partner spending all this time with maternal nan's family and friends at Christmas and New Year is "traditional", and even though I've pointed out that now baby is here new traditions need to be formed to involve both sides of the family, I don't hold out much hope.
About a month ago, I saw on Facebook that maternal nan had taken our grandson to Costa to give mum and dad a break, so I text my son asking if perhaps I could have my grandson for an hour the following week. He asked me to ask his partner, so I did, and was told "no" because she only trusts her mother with the baby. She said that she'd only just got used to leaving him and that it was too soon for her to think about leaving him with anyone else. I accepted that but said I hoped I'd be able to have him, just for an hour or so, in the New Year. Anyway, last week I text her to ask if I could take my grandson for a walk in his pram, and was again told "no". I was told, again, that only maternal nan is trusted with him. I've spoken to my son and have told him that it hurts me that I'm not trusted to even take my grandson out for a walk. He said he'd be more than happy for me to, but that his partner makes the decisions.
I'm thinking of asking again in a couple of weeks, but should !? Oh, they did suggest, when I complained about not seeing them regularly, that they would come round on Thursdays (which is also my day off) and one Sunday a month, which is great but has kind of gone by the wayside. Christmas has of course got in the way, but they haven't been round on a Sunday for 5 weeks now and when I asked if they'd like to come to lunch this Sunday I was told no and that they're busy, with her family, and are busy next Sunday too. I did point out that it was their suggestion of one Sunday a month, but was told they didn't mean every four weeks! I was also told that as plans had been made with her family they couldn't be broken. So, it does seem that plans with her family are set in stone, whereas plans with me or my family can just be put on the back burner!
I don't want things to get awkward, and I certainly don't want to fall out with my sons partner, but I do feel that unless these issues are nipped in the bud that they won't change.
Help!
Thank you.
