Gransnet forums


Thank you

(52 Posts)
mizzi Wed 31-Dec-14 09:00:49

I have just read a post on Mums net,where there seems to be a lot of resentment at being expected to write thank you cards. Well if I had taken the trouble to send a cheque I don't expect to wait 6 months for a thank you!(this happened recently,the cheque was a wedding gift!) I do also expect my grandchildren to acknowledge any gifts they receive either by email or text or even a phone I being unreasonable?

Prosecco Thu 01-Jan-15 14:34:35

I am not worried at all about getting a letter I get the fun out of giving.

Wheniwasyourage Thu 01-Jan-15 18:39:30

Yes, Prosecco, but one point is that sometimes you don't even know if the present has arrived. It is particularly annoying when you send something as a wedding present to people you may not know all that well - perhaps you know their parents - and they don't reply. That happened to us with the son, then the daughter, of friends, although we did get letters eventually, thanking us for the cheques we sent, one after about 6 months, and the other a bit sooner. The second one said what they had spent the money on, which was nice.

The DGC are not too bad at saying thank you, and I'm happy for them to do it by letter, text, phone or email.

Brendawymms, you must be a saint if you didn't do what Marelli suggested grin

rosesarered Thu 01-Jan-15 20:04:31

Agree with most others on here, we don't need people going down on their knees with gratitude at a present/money given by us, but a simple thank you [in any form] is expected.

numberplease Thu 01-Jan-15 22:19:49

Brendawymms, that is unforgivable!

yogagran Thu 01-Jan-15 22:26:46

ninathenana (long way up there ^^) mentioned that her nephew said thank you for his children's presents. I'm afraid that this is another of my bugbears, surely it should be the recipient of the gift that says thank you, not the parent. Only saying because it often happens to me and the children in question are quite old enough at 14, 12 & 8 to say thank you for themselves. Really makes me feel that I won't bother next year angry

Kiwibird Thu 01-Jan-15 22:47:35

This topic is really timely at the moment and in my life it's actually causing me some sadness. I have DGC in Australia & Hong Kong. One of the g.children in HK has a birthday on the 23rd Dec. From the beginning we said we would always make sure we gave her a gift separate from her Christmas present and I've even made sure they were sent separately (from NZ) so she would receive two parcels. I have to add too that a lot of thought goes into what I buy. We have never received a thankyou from either one of her parents (when she was very young) or now, even though she is 13yrs. We generally don't even know if the gifts have arrived, unless I specifically ask. This year has made me particularly sad and annoyed. It is the same with the Oz g/children. So we have said "no more presents" which is easy to say but when it comes to their birthdays and Christmas's, will we or won't we? Like someone else said, I don't want 'down on the knees' thankfulness but just a word would be nice.

SJP Fri 02-Jan-15 16:00:21

For price of a stamp and a little time, a thank you letter is an exercise in good manners for children. As a thought - my father in law died recently and amongst his papers were all the thank you letters that my daughters children had sent him in response to the money sent for birthday and christmas. To receive them obviously meant something and gave pleasure to him.

granjura Fri 02-Jan-15 21:34:54

Must say I am pleased that DD1 insists that children write thank you notes- even at such a young age- it is a good lesson in manners, really. (8 and 5)- before littlest one was in school, DD1 would write note and get her to sign, somehow- or do a little drawing.

With the rest of the family, nephews, nieces, etc- it is an agreement that no-one sends presents- if they are with us, or us with them, we buy presents for all those who will be there on the day- and that is all. We all agree it is much better this way.

Sugarpufffairy Fri 02-Jan-15 23:20:59

About 20 years ago I wrote a "Thank You" letter to my Granny. At the same time my DD2 who was about 3 or 4 years old asked what I was doing and when I told her she thought should write a "Thank You" letter to her Great Granny. She could not read, write or spell but she sat with a little card and "wrote" her Thank You. I helped her put her signature and sent her card with my letter. My Granny phoned me when the letters arrived. She thought her eyes had gone funny because she could not read the card sent by my daughter apart from the name. I told her it was OK that my DD2 could not write but tried to write a note of thanks. I thought I had brought her up well. Granny was so happy the child had tried.
Recently that same DD's son age 5 had a birthday and her friend from school days bought a good quality and expensive jacket and hat from a shop which is known to be expensive. The child started crying as he had hoped for toys. The SIL said he would cry if he got clothes in a present. I would have had my child out the room in one move if any of them said that and I would not have allowed a partner to say something so silly. The SIL got a games consol for Christmas from the DD and I was told to buy him vouchers for games for it.
Changed days and not for the better.

rubylady Sat 03-Jan-15 00:57:05

I can't remember the last time my DD said thank you for any gift taken to her household, be it for her, her partner or her children. Sorry, her partner is old enough to say thank you himself but does not, he is very ignorant, he opens his gifts and then puts it on the floor and won't even look at me.

Usually the children open their gifts (well, the oldest opens them, even if they are for him or his younger brother), and cast at one side to open another, cards trodden on the floor. I certainly did not bring my children up like this as my DS does appreciate gifts from others and either telephones or sees the person to say thank you to them. I did not see my DD at all, after a fall out, this Christmas and so sent gifts for the boys but have not had a thank you back in any shape or form and probably won't get one as I suspect she wants to cut off my relationship with them. My oldest DGS is four in two weeks, do I still bother or not?

It's heartbreaking but I have guarded myself against this happening for some time now because I know what she can be like.

sparkygran Sun 11-Jan-15 13:06:30

Got a lovely surprise yesterday in the post a beautiful thank you letter from our 7-year-old Gson. Last week the children in his class at primary school were asked to bring in an envelope with stamp on and name and address of person the child wanted to thank for Christmas present and we were the lucky recipients of his. The letter was all his own work and the spelling a wonky at times but I thought this was a very worthwhile project for the children.cupcakefor Mr Right the teacher

Elegran Sun 11-Jan-15 13:28:00

I had a thank you letter yesterday, put through my door by a young teenage neighbour. I had given her a very modest set of toiletries, just a token gesture, but she thanked me, and said she had tried them already and loved them. They are a lovely family.

ginny Sun 11-Jan-15 18:12:34

I've still not had a 'thank you' from a very good friends daughter for the cheque we sent when she married. We know it was received as we gave it to her parents to deliver. It's almost a year now and I know her Mum would be mortified if she knew. Their other daughter gets married this year and I wonder if her manners will be any better.

numberplease Sun 11-Jan-15 18:46:24

We got a thank you from grandson`s girlfriend for her Christmas present on Jan 5th, but not from granddaughter, so last week when she called I asked if the perfume was alright, I got her a scarf as well, and she said that yes, it was nice.

Stansgran Sun 11-Jan-15 20:25:12

The young can say thank you. Our paper boy/ girl(long hair unisex name) was given a Christmas Box on New Year as we were away at Christmas. S/he printed off an A4 sheet with pictures and fireworks and a printed thank you. I think it depends how much you value the gift. If they don't value don't give a again.

thatbags Sun 11-Jan-15 20:25:49

When I was a kid we didn't get xmas presents from our grandparents, only from our parents (or Father Christmas, depending on our ages), so we thanked them on the spot.

We (well I, certainly) didn't feel hard done by. It never occurred to me to expect an xmas present from my grandparents.

Perhaps there is simply too much present giving nowadays and it has all got a bit crazy.

Ana Sun 11-Jan-15 20:40:20

Do you not give Christmas presents to your own grandchildren, Bags?

thatbags Sun 11-Jan-15 20:43:03

Whether I do or not is not pertinent to my argument, ana. And besides, it's very impertiment of you to ask.

thatbags Sun 11-Jan-15 20:46:38

What I'm arguing is what stangran has said: if thanks are not forthcoming, why bother giving the gifts?

Unless, of course, the gift giving is more about the giver than the receiver, which some of the posts on this thread seem to suggest.

Ana Sun 11-Jan-15 20:48:19

I was just interested - wondered if it was a family tradition. I don't think it was impertinent of me to ask, but I'm sorry if you do think that.

Nonu Sun 11-Jan-15 20:48:59

Well that has told you ANA, Chuckle.Cannnot think why it is impertient

rubylady Mon 12-Jan-15 05:36:49

I've just been told this weekend to stop sending gifts to my DGS's from my DD from now on. I am happy to do this, as I have said, I do not and have not, since she was pregnant with the first DGS said thank you for most things I have bought them and has not taught her son to say thank you also. At four, he should know to have manners but alas, does not. If this is how he is to be brought up, I am better out of it as I would undoubtedly have to say something and this would go down with her like a lead balloon.

rubylady Mon 12-Jan-15 05:37:57

Sorry, she does not and has not, not I. X

sparkygran Thu 15-Jan-15 18:42:15

Still thank yous are important

hildajenniJ Thu 15-Jan-15 19:44:58

Yesterday we received a thank you card from our niece, on behalf of her two little boys. The eldest, who is just four signed his name in very wobbly writing. It was lovely. That being said I don,'t expect to receive thank you cards these days. Facebook is the usual way.