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Birthdays blues

(60 Posts)
Thistledoo Tue 13-Jan-15 17:45:54

I'm wondering is any GNs out there might feel the same way I do at, or, am I just being a truly selfish and indeed childish. I had a birthdays on Friday, not a big one (69 actually). I received a nice pressie of earrings from Mr Thistle, I also had a couple of cards from a cousin and friends, I was well pleased with this. I have 3 GC and two children and did expect to hear from them with some cards or perhaps a small gift, but alas nothing came, GC are too young to do anything themselves, but I kind of thought the DS or DD might think of something for the kids to give me.
I do loads of Childcare for all three GC collecting from school taking to activities cooking plus buying lots of clothes shoes etc.
it's not as though they forgot as my DD told me when she came to collect GD that she had a card for me in the house. However this turns out to be a lie.
Am I just a moaning old cow or do I perhaps have some justification in feeling used and not appreciated.

Marelli Tue 13-Jan-15 17:50:19

Happy birthday for Friday, Thistledoo - and no, you are not a moaning old cow. Sometimes our adult children are so bloomin' selfish, aren't they? Have you not even had a phone call or text to wish you a happy birthday?

loopylou Tue 13-Jan-15 17:53:52

I'd certainly be a moaning cow too (at the very least!) if that happened to me, big time!
DS rarely sends any cards but he and DDIL always phone or FaceTime and DD always sends a card and phones too.
I don't expect presents from anyone but I love having a card or a call.
Belated Happy Birthday Thistledoo, flowers x

Thistledoo Tue 13-Jan-15 17:55:31

Son arrived yesterday to pick up DGS , and said, Oh by the way, happy birthday for Friday. Grrrrrr.

loopylou Tue 13-Jan-15 17:57:28

Definitely not good enough!

KatyK Tue 13-Jan-15 18:04:41

I wouldn't be very happy. It's rather thoughtless and selfish. My DD always comes to visit the day before with presents and cards so I have them to open on the day. When she was a teenager there were times when she was less than thoughtful on my birthday, but that's teenagers for you. No excuse for grown ups (in my opinion)

ninathenana Tue 13-Jan-15 18:12:38

This has happened to me before. I'm asked what I would like by DD but it never appears. I sometimes get a card from her and occasionally she will buy one from from DGC.
I would be very happy with just a card made by DGC. You aren't being unreasonable Thistle I know how you feel flowers

BTW I'm still waiting for the cover for my kindle she was buying me for Christmas!!

NotTooOld Tue 13-Jan-15 18:16:22

My birthday was also on Friday, Thistledoo - so happy birthday to both of us, eh? Yes, you should definitely feel hard done by but perhaps not surprised. My daughter always manages a present and a card as well as (usually) a phone call. My son did forget once and DH made it plain to him that it was not good enough. Since then he has managed a card and, sometimes, a phone call or text. Once I even got some flowers but that was a 'big' birthday and has not happened since. I don't know what the answer is, perhaps it is just to develop a thick skin - or to 'forget' their birthdays as well. How about resorting to a tearful telephone call at the end of the day to make them feel guilty? Grr. Kids. Don't let them get you down.

Jane10 Tue 13-Jan-15 18:23:54

Sounds like a job for your DH thistle. He should have a quiet word with the culprits - and they are culprits! What a shame. Happy birthday from me!

KatyK Tue 13-Jan-15 18:30:47

Sounds like you do an awful lot for them Thistle. Someone said on another thread once that it seems the more you do for them the more you get taken for granted and forgotten about. Sad but true in some cases.

janeainsworth Tue 13-Jan-15 18:34:28

Belated happy birthday Thistle.
I would have been upset too.
I agree with Jane10 that your DH should have a quiet word, and depending on the degree of contrition or otherwise, I would then decide what do about your DC's birthdays.

apricot Tue 13-Jan-15 18:58:28

My sister's son asked her if her birthday was on the 4th or 5th of September. She told him it was on the 8th. ... of August.
It's no good feeling sad in silence or having a quiet word, these thoughtless ungrateful sons and daughters need telling loudly and clearly that you expect the common decency of a card and a nice present on your birthday. Not a day late, ON YOUR BIRTHDAY!
Next year tell them this one week before the event and tell them that, as it will be a special birthday, you want the whole family there and an extra-special celebration.

ffinnochio Tue 13-Jan-15 19:05:14

Happy Birthday for last Friday, Thistle. flowers. I'm sorry you're feeling downhearted about this.

A good boot up the backside is needed! As Jane 10 has suggested, a word or two from DH needs to be given to those remiss children of yours.

Thistledoo Tue 13-Jan-15 19:08:59

Happy birthday Nottoold, were you born the same year as me? flowers
Thank you everyone for your nice posts, I definitely feel better now. I sort of thought O might have had a ticking off for being self entered.

baubles Tue 13-Jan-15 19:19:42

Happy birthday Thistledoo and NotTooOld. cupcakeflowers

I too would be a bit miffed if my children didn't wish me a 'happy birthday' on the day. I don't care what form this takes.

Getting your DH to have a word sounds like a good idea.

J52 Tue 13-Jan-15 19:26:26

Happy Birthday to you, Thistledoo!
I too have a birthday in the first week of January and I am always amazed and appreciative of those who remember. It is truly an awful time to have a birthday.
I suggest DH has a strong word!
By the way my DM always got the wrong day. You'd think she had not been there! x

henetha Tue 13-Jan-15 20:37:05

No, you are not being unreasonable at all. They are being incredibly mean and my heart goes out to you.
How about buying them a calendar and writing all important birthday dates (including yours) on it?
Honestly, they need a good shake.
Loads of good wishes to you, and belated birthday greetings.

Nonu Tue 13-Jan-15 21:01:31

No way are you a moaning old cow , you do a lot for them, they should be more thoughtful.

Brendawymms Tue 13-Jan-15 21:42:51

A happy belated birthday from me also.
I bet if you forgot their birthdays there would be ructions. Love to you.

MiniMouse Tue 13-Jan-15 21:43:47

I agree with all the others on here. A card drawn by your DGCs would make a lovely, personal present.

Belated Happy Birthday for Friday flowers

etheltbags1 Tue 13-Jan-15 21:47:49

Hope you had a nice time with your DH,* thistle*, Im sad your family did not bother, I would be gutted if my DD forgot my birthday. Next year you need to make lots of hints in advance or arrange a party where they are expected to be there and at least you will see them and that's the main thing. x

ginny Tue 13-Jan-15 22:41:54

Very thoughtless of them. Just a card would be nice. I bet they would have been quick enough to get in touch if they needed something. I think your DH should have a word with them.

Coolgran65 Tue 13-Jan-15 22:53:32

thistle I also would have been annoyed.
I have 4 son/stepsons. 3 always remember and do a card and gift, one who is more likely to sometimes miss it, the youngest and a bit selfish. But then he will at other times get me a gift that is just perfect. I think his girlfriend has a good influence.

janerowena Tue 13-Jan-15 23:16:30

MiL said before I came along, she bought DBH a calendar every year with her birthday marked on it - but he never opened the calendar, she bought it more in hope than expectation!

DD 'forgot' to post my card a couple of years running. So I returned the favour and strangely, have never had a reason to complain since then. I didn't expect her to remember while she was still single and footloose and fancy-free, I did once she was more settled though. I regularly rang her to remind her of everyone else's in the family, but she never once asked when mine was so clearly hadn't forgotten, she just thought she would be let off. No chance!

Flowerofthewest Wed 14-Jan-15 00:26:39

Hi Thistle, my son has a 'boot full' of cards and gifts he forgot to bring. He is a lot better now but for years the family joke was that 'Oh it must be in his boot'. I do think than adult children can be rather self centered. My poor mum 89 does miss out on visits from them and, often, birthday gifts. I do, though, make sure that I have a tea and cake do at home and invite the youngsters and now they always come bearing gifts and cards. I am often away for my birthday and it seems that out of sight, out of mind is the order of the day for some of them although my DDs do make sure I don't miss out.