'Expected' to contribute to DGS Christening

Outside catering and a marquee for a christening?

Even the Royals don't go that far.

Sounds like she needs to be reminded of "No taxation without representation" or the equivalent "If you chose it without asking our opinion, you pay for it without our cash"

As someone asked already, does she mean to get contributions from ALL the guests, or just the sucker in-laws?

Ha! Damn cheek! would be my response, louisamay. Not that any of my daughters would be so rude. YANBU.

Perhaps a collection plate on the way into the marquee Elegran [tongue in cheek emoticon]?

Or an invoice tucked into each champagne glass? [another tongue-in-cheek emoticon]

Much better, remember roots:

Kunta, Kunta Kinte- now that was moving.

I have never heard anything quite like this. I should feel seriously aggrieved at having been asked to put my hand in my pocket, especially if your side of the family sound as if they are going to be seriously underrepresented! Tell her to send you a bill for whatever your friends and relatives eat and drink and let her pay the rest. That'll bring her up short!

How dreadful for you. What a grabby DIL. I would flatly say no and give whatever I could into a saving account for DGS.

Not everyone's circumstances are the same, and I don't mean just financial.

When our first GC was christened not many relatives on our side had been able to meet DIL, so it was also an opportunity for a family gathering. In that circumstance we contributed, as did PILs. x

I'm still amazed that more people are being invited than my experience of numbers at an average-sized wedding!

sounds more like a mine wedding! than a Christening hope you find a solution.

sounds more like a mini wedding! than a Christening hope you find a solution.

This reminds me of the recent story about the child who didn't go to a birthday party (he had been invited) and got a bill for the cost of his share.
A certain section of young parents seem to becoming so materialistic. You would think the child was an acquisition instead of a human being.

If and when our DGS is christened of course we will offer to contribute. I cannot imagine the numbers would be anywhere near 100!

louisamay, I read your post and your DIL's request sounds both mercenary and unreasonable, she should have at least consulted you before she went ahead and organised this vulgar over the top fiasco. Given she and your son are not church goers, why bother with a christening in the first place. I am sure christening parties in the main would be fairly low key affairs. As you say, presumably they should be for those who practice their religion, all well and good, but I rather think the whole essence of what is being celebrated would be lost here.

I declined to have my children baptised Catholics, whilst I know it would have pleased my parents, my husband didn't want them indoctrinated, I know I had been, so I half agreed with him on that, but if we had had them christened we would have been a small buffet type affair afterwards, which frankly we would have been able to arrange ourselves and I certainly would have expected anyone else to contribute to the cost as it would have been our choice to hold it.

Clearly you don't want to jeopardise your relationship with your son and grandchild but I think you have to somehow tactfully put it to your dil that it didn't occur to you that she would go ahead and organise something like this at great cost and then expect you and your husband to chip in after it has been arranged without gauging your attitudes beforehand.

should have typed "would not have" 2nd para.

If your DIL wants to act out fantasies about being the lady of the manor, she should pay for her flights of fancy herself. Are your son and daughter-in-law planning to have more children – and more parties?

I would say something along the lines of you're going to pay £50 into an ISA, Premium Bond, Building Society, etc.

Otherwise she will expect you to cough-up for future extravagant birthday parties.

Ha Ha HaHa HaaaaaaaaaaaH What planet is she on ! Her party, her choice ,her costs. Sounds like nothing to do with religious belief and everything to do with entertaining. Just explain quietly that it is an inappropriate ask and buy the child a gift

Has she been watching the programmes about great big gypsy celebrations?
It sounds completely over the top. I would offer a cake (of a reasonable size). Perhaps you could make a cake and cover it with fondant and get a little decoration from a sugarcraft shop. It needn't cost a fortune.

rubysong I think you've hit the nail on the head with the comparison to the events shown in the "Big fat Gypsy" series that covered weddings, christenings etc!

And merlot "Outside catering and a marquee for a christening?

Even the Royals don't go that far" is spot on too!

It rather reminds me of a comment that one of the Queens "courtiers" made about Sarah Ferguson, "vulgar, vulgar, vulgar"!

My mum bought my DD christening gown but she offered, I didn't ask her to. It was beautiful and was very special for her day. But we paid for the "do" afterwards and for my DS we paid for everything, as he didn't wear the gown (wish I'd have made him now he's being a complete a**e). We had a lovely time at both events, which were special for me.

I wouldn't give in to her at all. What does happen if another baby comes on the scene and your finances are worse? Does that baby not deserve the same? It depends really what you have paid out for this baby up to now. Have you bought nursery goods? Did you buy something expensive when he was born? If you have already bought enough, then think of some lovely keepsake which will appreciate in value and buy him that. Or, if you think that might get sold on, get something engraved with the date, his name, DOB etc. Just tell that you thought it best to give a gift to the child for his future rather than drink his money away.

Good luck with it, it's not easy.

I've just googled 'christenings' and it does seem the norm to 'go large' for christenings these days. Booking venues and caterers does not seem unusual.

You should not contribute if you are going to feel resentful about it but make it clear how you feel so you don't keep on getting asked.

Putting money into a savings account is neither here nor there.

DD and I do go to Church, DGS to Sunday School, he has not been Christened, but i know it would be DD and SILs responibility.
Thats just cheek, can you politely ask her who paid for her Christening party, if it is going to be her family mainly at the gathering, then they should pay, not you.
All 3 of mine were Christened and we had a cup of tea, sandwiches and cake at home afterwards.
Sounds very pretentious to me.

louisamay

This sounds completely OTT for a christening which imo should be a gathering of family, close friends and of course the godparents!

My DC were all christened (one on board a ship) and we didn't have more than about 30 people at any of the parties afterwards. Apart from the one on the ship the catering was done by ourselves or close family.

I am with whoever said Tell her that your contribution towards the christening is a premium bond to the sum of £** for your grandchild! - actually it will have to be £* as you can't buy one for less than £100!

and phoenix when she quoted what they said about Fergie!

Of course, you can't repeat the latter, you can just think it, and you will have to tread very carefully with your DIL.

I wonder what their wedding cost?
How the other half live!

I did type £* but for some reason it didn't come out like that