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AIBU

'Expected' to contribute to DGS Christening

(126 Posts)
louisamay Thu 29-Jan-15 11:11:20

Our DGS is being christened in May and there will be approximately 100 guests for the christening party afterwards. DIL has decided to hire a marquee and employ outside caterers to do the food. She has informed me the total cost of the christening will be in the region of £1700. She then asked DH and me how much we'd like to contribute. Bearing in mind that we are on a fixed income, apart from myself and DH no-one else from DS' family have been invited (most of the guests are DIL's parents friends!) and we were never asked for any input (apart from financial) what can I say? My DS says as its his child he is paying, but every time I see DIL by herself she continues to ask! I think it's a bl**dy cheek to ASK for money as she went ahead and organised it without even consulting us and now asks for a contribution.
Apparently her parents are paying for the drinks. My personal feelings are that the whole meaning of the christening is lost here and there is more concern about the 'bash' afterwards. Interested in others viewpoints. Is it actually 'expected' that grandparents should contribute to a christening ? By the way, none of us are churchgoers..

Elegran Mon 02-Feb-15 20:44:12

rosequartz Ummm - I'd have thought that the name "Baptist" church might have been a clue to their emphasis on baptism.

rosequartz Mon 02-Feb-15 20:49:03

We had never been to a Baptist church before (or since) - I did think there may have been a bit more head-wetting than the C of E or RC but didn't know about the complete immersion.
No point in going to the hairdresser's beforehand grin

loopylou Mon 02-Feb-15 20:54:43

Elderly friends went to a Greek Orthodox 'baptism' and were shocked that the gowns worn by those being immersed were completely transparent (no underwear allowed)......Not sure if the old chap ever recovered his composure!

vampirequeen Mon 02-Feb-15 20:54:47

I was told by a Catholic bishop that anyone can baptise using any water provided the intention is there. Of course the Church would prefer to do the Baptism but at the end of the day it doesn't matter. All you have to do is pour the water on the baby/child/person's head whilst saying, "I baptise you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen," and the deed is done.

annodomini Mon 02-Feb-15 21:34:52

I have heard that 'holy' water from the River Jordan is full of nasties and would likely do more harm than good which is why tap water that's been blessed is suitable for use in baptism.

Deedaa Mon 02-Feb-15 22:17:07

At my father in law's funeral at the Italian church in Clerkenwell we were all expected to take communion. When I told the priest (who was a real sweetie) that I wasn't a catholic and had never even been confirmed as CofE he just said " You're here in the church, it's enough" Don't know what his bishop would have said, but I suspect Pope Francis would approve.

rosequartz Tue 03-Feb-15 11:50:22

I suspect Pope Francis would approve I am sure that Jesus would have approved too, Deedaa !

FarNorth Tue 03-Feb-15 16:47:27

Some christians maintain that baptism of babies is meaningless as the baby has no idea what is happening.
Baptism, to them is an outward sign of the person declaring allegiance to Jesus. It should therefore be undertaken by a child or an adult, who understands the significance of what they are doing. Any water can be used, including the sea. I have seen baptism being done in the sea.

thatbags Tue 03-Feb-15 17:12:57

When I was seven years old I was told that unblessed tap water was better than nothing and that even I could baptise a dying baby in an emergency. This was one of the first things that made me begin to suspect that religion was a bit weird at times.

FarNorth Tue 03-Feb-15 17:22:17

The emergency presumably being that the baby is about to die and you are the only person on hand.
Naturally your first priority would be to sprinkle a bit of water on the baby and mumble some sort of hopeful words, so that God would see fit to admit that baby to heaven rather than condemn her/him to eternal torment.
A great plan God got worked out there, isn't it.

rosequartz Tue 03-Feb-15 17:38:14

I don't think that God (if God exists!) worked it out - it would have been some man or other along the way (not being at all sexist there as it would not have been a woman making the decisions in the Christian church!).

FarNorth when DD was baptised the vicar was ill on the day and could not perform the ceremony - instead we got a fire and brimstone curate who shouted at us all (there were two other babies being baptised as well). He said he did not want to baptise these infants, if he had his way he would send us all away and tell us to bring them back when they were 17 if they wanted to be baptised then.
I thought that was what Godparents were for - to make promises on behalf of the baby and then the child could decide later on if he/she wanted to be confirmed.
Anyway, he did baptise them after a long tirade - but we were all quite shocked and upset!

When he was telling us he might refuse to do it, if I had known I could do it myself I could have offered. smile

FarNorth Tue 03-Feb-15 17:55:12

I think that vicar should have put up & shut up, or made his excuses to whoever asked him to step in, and not turned up at all.
Better all round.

TerriBull Tue 03-Feb-15 18:37:54

An old school friend from my convent days told me a while ago that when she announced to her mother that she wasn't going to have her children baptised or raised as Catholics her Irish mother sneaked in a bottle of "holy water" into her house when her girls were babies with the comments "if you wont have it done, i'll just have to do it myself to save your poor children from purgatory". My friend confessed "I just let her get on with it".

rosequartz Tue 03-Feb-15 18:39:24

FarNorth I think that curate went on to become a vicar in North Devon and terrorised the congregation up there!

Ana Tue 03-Feb-15 18:44:56

Terribull, I think that was a win-win result - Gran happy that the girls wouldn't be condemned to eternal purgatory, and your friend happy not to have to go through with a ceremony she didn't want. grin

vampirequeen Tue 03-Feb-15 19:34:53

A lot of the older Catholics believe that if a baby isn't baptised it will never go to heaven because it hasn't been cleansed of original sin.

TerriBull Tue 03-Feb-15 19:50:04

Yes I think so too Anna. The whole purgatory thing was of course part of the extreme nonsense foisted upon a lot of us Catholics when we were growing up, which really accounts for why so many of us are lapsed as adults. I think one of my practising friends told me they had shelved that one now! Of course we all know now that purgatory is here on earth, golf on the telly, yeah in fact anything to do with looking at balls grin

rosequartz Tue 03-Feb-15 19:53:02

Whereas those priests, brothers and nuns who had been baptised, confirmed and whatever else were not sinful at all and will go to heaven hmm

Ana Tue 03-Feb-15 19:53:22

Or Balls...grin

rosequartz Tue 03-Feb-15 19:54:30

He (Balls) must be OK, he cries at The Sound of Music (and dresses up accordingly) grin

Ana Tue 03-Feb-15 19:55:28

Not only that, rosequartz, but they could commit the most atrocious sins and foul deeds throughout their lives and receive absolution on their deathbeds, providing they told a priest that they repented! hmm

rosequartz Tue 03-Feb-15 19:59:26

Who - Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper? Surely not! grin

Oh, the holy ones. Yes, of course, whereas a baby can't speak to repent its original sin so can't receive absolution.

I hope we are not putting you off this christening even more, louisamay.

TerriBull Tue 03-Feb-15 19:59:38

I don't know Ana watching anything to do with balls might be mere purgatory but watching and worse still listening to Balls, I'd say it's the real thing, Hell that is grin

rosequartz Tue 03-Feb-15 20:01:06

I really must go and do something else now!!
Anyone want a christening gown knitted?

Oh, I thought not!

moon

annodomini Tue 03-Feb-15 21:08:39

When my DS2 was in SCBU for nine days following his birth, one of my friends turned up at the door asking if we'd had him christened. She was evidently of that school of thought that believed a child was destined for Purgatory (or do I mean Limbo?) if he died unbaptised. As we had not had DS1 baptised and had no intention of putting the baby through it, we tactfully put her off. Said infant has just turned 42 and neither of his sons has been baptised either.