Gransnet forums


Feeling a bit miffed..

(28 Posts)
tanith Mon 25-May-15 19:16:20

OH is retiring this week and as Friday is his last day he and about a dozen colleagues are going out to lunch together and then later in the afternoon they are having drinks and nibbles so everyone can pop in and say goodbye, he knows they have a gift for him as well..
Now why am I feeling miffed that they haven't asked me to pop in too, I do know its his big day and for him to say his goodbyes to the many friends he's made there.
So would it be the 'norm' not to invite his wife along? If its just the way its done then I won't feel 'miffed'. wink

Ana Mon 25-May-15 19:24:22

It sounds to me as though that's just the way your DH's workplace do these things.

Unless you know his colleagues personally and socialise with them apart from the usual Christmas dos I wouldn't expect spouses to be invited along to a daytime leaving event.

Ana Mon 25-May-15 19:26:21

(shouldn't the plural of 'spouse' be 'spice'? grin)

HildaW Mon 25-May-15 19:26:35

I think I can understand how you feel, although the people at his work will not perhaps see the significance.

When someone retires its a life changer...its not just the end of a job (partners do not normally go to ordinary leaving dos). Retiring is almost a change of identity, an end of an era. Can still remember the strange feeling I got when my OH said he was going to retire. He worked from home so it made little difference in a practical sense, but in an emotional one it really mattered.

Try not to feel to put out, I doubt anyone intends this as a slight and they will probably be mortified if they knew how you felt.

Perhaps you need to plan a little event for you and you OH to have just to mark the occasion as a family.

Bellanonna Mon 25-May-15 19:26:57

Tanith, it sounds like a colleague thing. Good luck with your future together!

GrannyTwice Mon 25-May-15 19:29:28

This was similar when my husband retired - I felt absolutely fine about it as I felt that it was 'his' retirement do and a time to relax and enjoy saying goodbye to friends and colleagues and reminisce and none had to 'look after' me . I know they thought about me as well because one of the presents was an overnight gourmet break in a castle for both of us- it was lovely - hope you are as lucky!

J52 Mon 25-May-15 19:40:52

Both DH and I went to our retirement dos as the guest of honour, on our own. That was fine with both of us, they were all colleagues, no spouses. x

AshTree Mon 25-May-15 19:45:03

I don't think you should feel hurt tanith, as this is probably just the way his place of work do these things. They all vary. When I retired my DH and my DS and DD all came along to the 'do'. But I had worked there for many years and my DH knew several of my colleagues who had become friends over the years. My DD worked there herself for 4 years, and my DS used to pop in now and again when he had time.

So a very different set up, and I would say it's probably unusual for spouses and/or family members to be invited to a retirement do at a workplace.

Good luck with the rest of your lives together flowers

Gagagran Mon 25-May-15 19:45:30

I had 9 retirement "dos" - several lunches with different groups of colleagues and former colleagues, an afternoon tea with some close work friends, a formal presentation in the office and a lunchtime drinks session in the pub. None of them included my DH and he would not have expected or wanted them to!

When he retired he stipulated no collection and no farewell present or party - and they abided by his wishes. He hates a fuss.

janeainsworth Mon 25-May-15 19:46:33

Tanith I think if it's in working hours then it's normally colleagues only.
I've been to one or two evening retirement do's in my capacity as MrsA, but when MrA retired, he just invited his pals for a pint after work. It didn't occur to me to think I should have been asked to go too and I would have felt out of place.
Anyway best wishes to you and MrTanith for a long and happy retirement sunshine

tanith Mon 25-May-15 19:48:02

Now I feel so much better now I've read your responses thank you everyone..
I do know that one of his gifts is a steam train journey for both of us, we'll have such a good time on that trip I just know it..

He's looked forward to this day for so long.. we intend on spending the kids inheritance enjoying our time together.

Lona Mon 25-May-15 19:55:53

Enjoy his retirement tanith sunshine

Jane10 Mon 25-May-15 20:10:20

I had a couple of retirement dos with colleagues/friends from work but also a family do. This was all lovely. The spouses never came to work dos.

loopylou Mon 25-May-15 21:12:04

I've never heard of a spouse being invited to any I've attended where colleagues have been retiring.

kittylester Mon 25-May-15 21:16:11

I went to DH's do because someone had to drive! grin

grumppa Mon 25-May-15 21:26:42

Spouses regularly attended their other half's retirements where I used to work.

Surely DH's retirement was worth a cab fare, kitty? Then you could both have made the most of it.

Iam64 Mon 25-May-15 21:31:32

I've been to numerous retirement do's for colleagues, as well as my own, in recent years. Wives/partners have never been included in day do's, the odd evening do has often included wider family members of the retiree but not the guests. Do something nice for yourself tanith, to mark the beginning of a new phase of your life, and lives together smile

Crafting Mon 25-May-15 21:34:45

No spouses ever come to retirement parties where I work. Usually they wouldn't know anyone and they are usually just a chance for people to say a personal farewell and share the odd reminiscences. I would wait a home for him with a big glass of champers or something to celebrate with just the two of you. Hope you both enjoy his retirement.

tanith Mon 25-May-15 21:41:19

Crafting your suggestion made me smile , I had intended on making him a lovely meal on Friday for the two of us. This morning he got a text from his bowling club that they need him for a match on Friday evening shock. My surprise meal can wait till Saturday.. smile

kittylester Tue 26-May-15 07:13:21

Grumppa, he wouldn't have been able to retire if we'd had to pay for a cab! grin

baubles Tue 26-May-15 07:22:41

DH had several retirement lunches/dinners with various departments, he hosted a final evening in the pub. I popped in for the last half hour to say goodbye to his colleagues and to drive him home.

My retirement dinner was a few months later but it wouldn't have occurred to me to invite DH.

I hope he enjoys his day and that you both have a long and happy retirement.

Coolgran65 Tue 26-May-15 07:43:46

When DH retired after 30 years any 'dos' at work were for work only. A week later there was an evening dinner in a local restaurant where I was invited as were other wives/partners, some colleagues went alone.
It's just how it was done, and always had been.
I don't think you should feel put out.

Enjoy your time together flowers

KatyK Tue 26-May-15 10:12:18

When I retired after many years in the same job, I had a very small gathering. My DH didn't come along, I don't think he would have even if invited as he didn't know the people there. I hope you have a long and happy retirement.

harrigran Tue 26-May-15 10:21:52

I never went to DH's retirement do either, his PA did arrange a dinner for about twenty of his personal friends and I did attend that.

milkflake Wed 27-May-15 14:22:13

I wouldn't have wanted to go to my OH's retirement do as it was his time to say bye to all his work colleagues.
He wasn't invited to mine either, spouses were never asked.
Maybe if it was a small family firm where you knew everyone and were used to socialising with them, it might be in order to be asked.