To wish DS could visit on his own sometimes?

My children are my attornies for two different LPAs. I certainly needed to discuss the Health and Welfare one with them as I had specific instructions for them written into it.

I never asked my sons to have power of attorney; I just assumed that they would and they acquiesced quite happily.

That does put a different slant on things mrsmopp. If it were my DS I would say, no offence to your GF but, we would like see you alone at some point as there are some legal matters we want to discuss with you.

I think that is a very reasonable request and hopefully your DS will understand it's a private family matter.

Four of them!

They're all grown up now. Phew!

Still not necessary to do it face to face though. Nice, possibly, but not necessary, so you can't blame the presence of the GF.

I agreed to be guardian to my brother's kids if anything happened to him and my sister-in-law by 'remote' communications (can't remember if it was a phone call or a letter).

Yep, that's a different situation.

Or, even better, get your lawyer to write to him about it.

Write him a letter about power of attorney. That has the advantage of giving him time to think about it before getting back to you.

Now that is completely different scenario

if you want to talk about wills and/or LPAs then you are quite justified to ask him to come over, and, if he has to bring GF fair enough, but make it quite clear that you need some quality time with him, on his own , to explain your wishes.

You have inportant stuff to discuss. I think that you should find a way to tell him this, and stipulate that you need to talk to him one to one.

DS and GF have no plans to live together or to get married. It seems to be a commitment free arrangement as they socialise together but that's all. Of course it would be different if they married or moved in together but neither wants to commit. But taking all your advice on board I shall keep mum and say nowt. I have no desire to rock the boat or cause any offence. We have shown her hospitality and welcomed her many times. We cannot have any chat with DS Eg we would like him to have power of attorney, things like that to talk about.

Both of mine seem to enjoy a one-to-one with me, as do their OHs. In fact DS2 took me to Rome for a few days in January and we got on really well despite our obvious age gap. When DS1 lived at home, before going to work abroad, he paid me the compliment of saying it was like living with a nice housemate. I suppose the answer is in always treating your children - as far as possible - as friends.

Both of my sons do occasionally visit me on their own, but I would never ask or expect them to. When children are visiting with girlfriend/spouses we often go for a walk together and in the act of walking I get plenty of time alone to chat with my individual children, but I must say that there is nothing I could think of that I would want to exclude my sons and daughter in law etc from.

I don't think we should be questioning this girl's manners when we don't know her or her reasons for not inviting the OP to stay.

Strange to refer to the girls visits as free weekends

Do find it strange that she thinks it is OK to visit you but doesn't invite you to stay with her as she has her own house (but then some people are never taught good manners). Is there another family member or good friend you could invite round to keep her occupied whilst you talk to him?

The her at the end, I meant as your son's gf.

I agree with thatbags about Facebook, emails and skype. We have basically the same family set up with one of our daughters, as regards them coming many miles, and staying for a few days.

We Facebook and email and phone and skype.
But what we also do, is make sure that we are up when she is[she rises earlier than her husband], so we fit in the more personal stuff then.
That way, we and her have said what we all want to say, and the rest of the time is whatever it turns out to be.
Even her shower time can be used for quick parent to son chats if you are desperate.

It could be that she talks all the time because she's a bit shy [I went from someone who couldn't utter a word in public to someone who couldn't shut up as it was my way of overcoming my shyness/awkwardness.]. I no longer see my son on his own [strangely enough I was only thinking about it today], but he's not one for conversation anyway. Neither of my children are interested in my family history [my daughter researched her inlaws and fathers but wasn't all that bothered with mine ]. Even the slightest hint that you'd rather see him alone could be misconstrued by his gf so I'd tread very very carefully. My son did have a gf who didn't talk [they lived here at weekends for quite a while] and that was really difficult; I used to hide away in my computer room or bedroom when she was here without him .

I wouldn't dream of asking DS to visit on his own especially if he was staying for a day or two. Once DC leave home and get a partner that is their priority. We don't own our children and can't expect them to bend over backwards for us. Be happy you have a chatty friendly DIL, it could be so much worse.

I think you should ask him outright, to have a little visit on his own. He can only say no.

Would you like him to marry this girl, or at least them to be together full time? If the answer to that is yes, then you may need to accept the current situation. You have to make his future happiness the main thing in this. Which is hard.

Your friends DC may visit there parents more often if they live quite near but there is the possibility your DS's GF may not be the one stopping him visiting on his own.

I do remember once DH and I were married, I was the one suggesting we visit his DM, so she actually saw more of her DS because of me.

Nothing I did ever pleased this woman, the reason, I had stolen her boy. DH picked up on this and sadly, in time, she saw less of him.

If they were married, you wouldn't expect him to come alone and stay over without his wife, so why would he come without his gf?
I think you have to accept that he has his own life now and perhaps he doesn't want to look at old photos and reminisce.
If you get the albums out, give them to his gf first, she'll love to see his baby pictures

I don't think I am being selfish wanting to have a couple of days out of 365. Friends of mine have often said they enjoy it when their DS or DD visit alone, it is much more relaxed. I am not saying Gf should never come as she has been many times.
DS and Gf do not live together as one poster asked. We can't stay with him, he doesn't have space though GF has a house we are never asked there. The phone is hard for me as I have hearing loss.
Relationships are such a tangled Web aren't they!

I sympathise. I used to love the long chats/shopping trips/lunches out with my daughter but they no longer happen really. We love our son-in-law and of course our beautiful granddaughter but occasionally I say to my DD, 'shall we go out sometime and have a nice chat like we used to?' She always says 'yes we must' but it never happens. I have to let it go as I can see it gets on her nerves if I keep mentioning it.