To wish DS could visit on his own sometimes?

I can remember relly wantng sme tme t mself, begging DBH to take DS with him t sta with MiL, beauseIknow she would have loved it, bu he refuse!

Aha, I see gransnet is on srke gain. STRIKE.

e HE said she was too nosy and never stopped asking him things that were no lnger her business andshe drove him mad. He loves her, bt likes me hre to deflect er interest.

I giveup!

Elayne where in all this do you get the idea that I need to get on with my life? We see DS and Gf about 2 days, three times a year, leaving 300 days when we live our own lives. Clearly we are not over demanding or possessive parents. I guess I'm a bit sad we see so little of him & would love a bit of 1 to 1 with no desire to upset anyone.
Too much to ask?

This thread has taken a strange turn! All mrsmopp wants to do is have a bit of time alone with her son, occasionally.
I would just suggest it- especially when the girl friend is busy doing something in her own.

I have just remembered something my mother told me some years ago. It is about two of my brothers and their wives, whom I'll refer to as BM and WM (brother M and wife M) and BE and WE — nothing to do with their real names.

Mum said that when she visited BM's family, WM always made sure to leave mum and my brother alone some of the time. When BE and family visited her (they never invite her to their house), if BE and she (mum) happened to be alone together for a moment, WE would soon join them, so they never really got one-to-one time together.

My mum put this down to the self-confidence of WM and WE. WM is a confident, self-assured person, WE is not. Mum does not apportion blame to WE. She just accepts that's how it is.

Now that my eldest son has a partner and two children - I rarely have time to speak to him on my own. I do miss that.

We exchange e mails and text and that's OK really.

Occasionally he gives me a lift home after babysitting.

(I usually have to go by taxi because Dil resents me being given lifts - that's another story) and I do like the chance to just chat to him on these occasions.

Do you have to pay for the taxi Falcon? That seems very mean of your dil if you do.

mrsmopp. I would advise ignoring Elayne's 'advice' as she popped up on another thread with equally unhelpful advice.

I haven't noticed her name on GN before your thread.

thx Agus !

Lona - yes I always pay for the taxis or I go home on two buses.

My Dil has a lot of rules and this is one of them - but that belongs to another thread. called "my dil and her rules."

Might start one. I think she has a rule that my son and I never have a chance to talk to each other, TG for texting and e mails.

Reading various threads re difficult relationships between DiL/MiL brings me to the conclusion that some DiL seem to be competing with their MiL for their DH's attention, wanting to be the sole focus where their DH is concerned. This behaviour I think stems from wanting to control or insecurity re their DH's affection, not a matter who the MiL is.

There are, as in my own case, MiLs who will never forgive any DiL for 'stealing' their DS. I so wanted my MiL to be a loving part of our lives but sadly, for her and DH, she made it very clear over the years that it was never going to happen.

You're welcome mrsmopp

I agree Agus. I was genuinely pleased and relieved when two of my sons found a nice girl to settle down with.

Must be honest here though - I was a tiny teeny bit jealous of my own mil so maybe this is the way it goes.

I remember making cakes that I hoped were better than my mils and now my dil has done the same thing and tried to make cakes that are better than mine

Oh I think many of us have been in the cookery/baking competition. I found myself, in the early days of marriage competing in those stakes with my MiL and DM. I do think though that my DH did this to butter up my DM who adored him and the feeling was mutual

Ana gransnet went slow for me last night and wouldn't let me type!

For years I tried to get DBH to go to stay with his mother on his own, and he wouldn't, much as he loved her. He said he found her tiring as she talked incessantly, gave him unwanted advice and asked questions about things in a way he found intrusive. He liked me to be there, to give him a break from all the attention. I too needed a break while there, so would wander off hoping to escape them all - and he would follow me and she would follow him, still trying to make the most of seeing him.

I didn't blame her in the least, I know how my own mother feels. When I lived closer to her it was easy to pop over for the day, but we have both moved since then and now DBH is always with me, because we have had just the one car and she isn't easy to get to - plus we both worked very long hours and long car journeys often mean a lot of things get talked over. I was truly surprised when she said she wished it could be the way it used to be, being able to see me on my own. Especially since she never made the effort to visit me, I always had to do all the travelling. It's not possible though, I find driving on long journeys on my own too painful. So he has to come too! It's got better over the years, he is happy to talk to my stepfather and my mother and I wander off round the garden, and we only stay from mid morning to mid afternoon. But MiL wants us to stay all week, so I stay in bed for an extra hour in the morning, which gives her the chance to nab him to herself for that hour. As nothing much gets through to him until he is fully awake, he seems better able to cope with it.

She cries every time we leave. In fact, she has shown me exactly how not to behave with my own DS.

My MIL, God rest her soul, loved me like a DD and tried to teach me to bake bread like she did but I never got it to taste the same. To be honest I would not have tried to better anything she cooked because she was amazing. She died aged 58 not having had much of a life but left us with lots of loving memories.

Harrigran . You were very lucky to have had such a lovely MiL as did my DH. My DM loved him like the son she never had.

To be honest I felt the same and wished that I could see my son on his own sometimes - and then I began to think and realised that my son and his girlfriend now wife were a unit and came as such and I had no right to think of them as anything else. They love each other and want to be together and who am I to expect anything else? I should be happy to understand that their need for each other transcends any other relationship and that is how it should be so I am now happy to see them as a pair. Be lovely to see him on his own though

Harrigran, I too have a mother in law who loves me and is amazing. I'm sorry you didn't have yours with you longer, I know I shall be bereft when I lose mine.
There are so many tales of bad relationships between in laws that I realise what treasures all of mine are - my sons and daughters in law are all super people and my mother and father in law are more precious to me than I can say.

I just hope ga you realise just how blessed you are in your relationships and thank whatever you believe in. We are not all so lucky.

I drove past my daughters today just as a car was leaving the drive; not her car but I think she may have been in it. Even though the car was behind me all of the way home I made a point of not looking in the mirror when we stopped at a road junction because I felt so awkward . I've no idea how my relationship with my family has become so complicated [I was in the car doing my occasional job of feeding my ex's cats while he's om holiday with his partner]. It's not that we're not on speaking terms or anything like that; it's just that I no longer feel part of the family. My MIL was adorable and was very fond of me; sadly she died in her early sixties; I often think that my life would have been different had that not happened.

I texted my son at 20 past 9 this morning cos I was feeling a bit down with grandsons going home and The visit was spoiled a bit for me as I've got a bad throat. Poured out my troubles a bit, just like he does to me. What time did I get a reply from him? Half past six this evening! Apparently he was "driving at the time". Long drive.

And then he told me not to be so daft!

#definitelyfrommars

jingl