Ana gransnet went slow for me last night and wouldn't let me type!
For years I tried to get DBH to go to stay with his mother on his own, and he wouldn't, much as he loved her. He said he found her tiring as she talked incessantly, gave him unwanted advice and asked questions about things in a way he found intrusive. He liked me to be there, to give him a break from all the attention. I too needed a break while there, so would wander off hoping to escape them all - and he would follow me and she would follow him, still trying to make the most of seeing him.
I didn't blame her in the least, I know how my own mother feels. When I lived closer to her it was easy to pop over for the day, but we have both moved since then and now DBH is always with me, because we have had just the one car and she isn't easy to get to - plus we both worked very long hours and long car journeys often mean a lot of things get talked over. I was truly surprised when she said she wished it could be the way it used to be, being able to see me on my own. Especially since she never made the effort to visit me, I always had to do all the travelling. It's not possible though, I find driving on long journeys on my own too painful. So he has to come too! It's got better over the years, he is happy to talk to my stepfather and my mother and I wander off round the garden, and we only stay from mid morning to mid afternoon. But MiL wants us to stay all week, so I stay in bed for an extra hour in the morning, which gives her the chance to nab him to herself for that hour. As nothing much gets through to him until he is fully awake, he seems better able to cope with it.
She cries every time we leave. In fact, she has shown me exactly how not to behave with my own DS.