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How very rude!

(30 Posts)
Anne58 Wed 05-Aug-15 10:42:55

Good morning all,

I was looking forward to having 2 friends round for supper last night, they have both been round separately a fair few times, (C more than T) but I thought it might be jolly to have them together (they know each other and get on fine)

I had been trying to find a day that suited everyone for ages, so quite a few weeks ago I suggested Tuesday August 4th, and said in the email that it was my birthday and although birthdays are no great shakes these days, it would be nice to have their company as Mr P would be away.

All was set, very minimum effort food as mentioned elsewhere, but I had made sure that everyones taste was catered for, and that as T would be driving, I got in a choice of "posh pop" for her. C arrived first, with a bottle of wine (she always brings one) a card and some flowers, which was a lovely thought smile. T arrived 5 minutes later with nothing. Please don't think that I was expecting anything, but I would always take a bottle of some sort if invited for a meal. (Not breakfast, obviouslygrin, although I suppose one could have Buck's Fizz.......)

Now T had already said that she was having problems with her youngest daughter, and might have to dash off, which I understood. What I wasn't so understanding about was the fact that her phone was immediately placed on the table where it remained all evening, and was frequently made a range of noises as she received texts etc from various family members, including soon to be exdh and her new "chap" in America. She read each one out loud. Now, although it was nice to know that her older daughter had loaded the dishwasher and bought a packet of hair dye for T, I wasn't entirely sure that we needed to know that exdh was thinking of breaking up with current gf. I was however definitely certain that we did NOT either want or need to know what the new man thought of her and what he intended to do when they meet up for a 5 day break in London later in the month!

I don't think I will be inviting her again for the best part of a long time!

MiniMouse Wed 05-Aug-15 10:54:59

Oh phoenix what a shame your birthday was hijacked like that. I can understand that she'd like her phone within reach in case there was a problem with her daughter, but other texts should have been saved for later. Sounds as though it was a definite case of TMI!!

She probably doesn't realise how thoughtless she was, it sounds as though she's too caught up in her own issues at the moment. Did your other friend make any comment?

flowers and sunshine to take your mind off it smile

AshTree Wed 05-Aug-15 11:00:33

Good grief! What a very self-centred person she sounds shock. What a pity she spoiled what should have been such a lovely girlie evening. Just as well it was 'minimum effort' on your part!

Anne58 Wed 05-Aug-15 11:01:55

Thanks Mini , it didn't feel like a hijack, tbh, just very bad manners! We did still have some good conversations, but perhaps not the ones that I thought we might have. C is currently helping out at the hall in her village, but no doubt she will phone me later. It will be interesting to hear her thoughts!

sunseeker Wed 05-Aug-15 11:06:56

That was bad manners. My sister in law runs a business and whenever she comes to visit (or I visit her) her phone is never far from her side BUT if she gets a text or a call she checks who it is from and if she doesn't think it needs her immediate attention she ignores it. She has on occasion answered a call or replied to a text but always apologises and explains it is urgent. I don't have anyone I need to speak to or text urgently so whenever I am with someone the phone is switched off - in fact it is switched off most of the time!

Eloethan Wed 05-Aug-15 12:16:43

It's unbelievable isn't it how rude and thoughtless people can be. I agree that looking at phone messages (unless something is extremely important) when you are with friends or family is really out of order. As for reading out each mundane and totally pointless message - how ridiculous.

I think I would give your self-absorbed "friend" a wide berth in future and stick to the one who had the consideration to treat you as a friend should on your birthday.

tinaf1 Wed 05-Aug-15 12:53:02

It was rude I agree, would you be comfortable telling her how it made you feel or would it cause big upset?

Anne58 Wed 05-Aug-15 13:02:02

In fairness to her, her younger daughter (who is 15) has some very serious problems (has been self harming etc, and has recently been prescribed anti psychotic drugs in addition to the the antidepressants that she was already on) but I hardly think it merited the phone being "centre stage" emitting various odd noises (whistles, bongs and other sounds). It would seem that she has it set to give a different sound for each sender, so she obviously knew which one would have been her younger daughter. Strangely enough, not one of the messages was from her!

I'm not that bothered about bringing it up at this stage, suffice to say it will be a very long time before I invite her again, and if and when I do I will say something if she puts the phone on the table.

Elrel Wed 05-Aug-15 13:16:37

As you say, interesting to hear C's thoughts!
Could you friend T be on medication, presumably she isn't usually so inconsiderate.

Anne58 Wed 05-Aug-15 13:31:02

No, Elrel she would have said if she was. She is understandably concerned for her daughter, but I think the main things is the absolute obsession with the new man!

Personally, I also think that the relationship with her soon to be exdh is rather strange and somewhat unhealthy, but it's not any of my business (even though I did tell her my opinion!)

Crafting Wed 05-Aug-15 14:14:19

Sorry Phoenix a day late but manny happy returns. Have a cupcake and some flowers and a wine for later

Crafting Wed 05-Aug-15 14:16:08

blush I hope you realise that manny happy returns are considerably more than the usual number what happened to spellcheck

janerowena Wed 05-Aug-15 14:16:35

If she had been about 18, I would have thought nothing of it. I think her problem is the mad passion she has for her new man, she isn't able to concentrate on much else. Her mind was elsewhere and she probably had no idea she was behaving oddly. Give her a year or two to calm down. grin

Anne58 Wed 05-Aug-15 15:41:59

Crafting I very well might have wine there appears to be 2 bottles of Soave, 1 Sauvignon Blanc and a vintage Cava in the wine cupboard grin

Of course, I will have to have the rest of the salad for supper, (waste not want not, plus it's a very healthy option) just not sure what to have with it, but I have had a look in the fridge and there appears to be a packet of 4 mini pork pies with mustard. I have no idea how they got there. [innocentface]

Then of course there is the matter of the completely untouched tiramisu. Unfortunately it is not suitable for home freezing, however the packet says best before 6th September. Apparently it contains enough for 5 portions (really?) but no info on how long it will keep once opened. confused My personal theory is that it will last as long as the cream does, unless one gets into that unfortunate situation where there is cream left over, but no pudding. Then you buy more pudding, but run out of cream. This can lead to a seemingly endless cycle of pudding & cream, because of course it would be a bad thing to throw food away grin

jane she is 49 shock

loopylou Wed 05-Aug-15 16:49:25

phoenix grin!
Your friend is clearly--obsessed with-- besotted by very keen on new partner and wants you to know it! Very bad manners IMO. I bet she was itching for the pair of you to quiz her about him too?

Mini pork pies (and especially those with mustard) are well known for materialisation from thin air, you're very fortunate. Along with a little salad I'm sure they will go down a treat.

Of course Tiramisu 'goes off' very quickly if not scoffed eaten in good time (never leave until the use-by date or it feels unloved) and the cream/no pud pud/no cream cycle is very hard to crack, but one must persevere (it may take years) if wastage is to be avoided (you can revert to frozen puddings in an emergency including ice cream - and frozen fruit defrosted in the microwave if no time to spare) This is perfectly reasonable.

Anne58 Wed 05-Aug-15 16:54:10

Oh thank you loopylou a voice of reason in the darkness of doubt! grin

(That's a bit of a mixed metaphor/doo dah thing, isn't it!?)

Luckygirl Wed 05-Aug-15 17:38:03

A friend, whom I have not seen for ages, used to arrive with her laptop (they were a rare item then) tune herself in with our passwords, and keep it at her side every moment they were here. She was tap-tapping away the whole time. It seemed somewhat pathological (as well as rude) as she could not bear to be away from it for a couple of days.

celebgran Thu 06-Aug-15 09:08:44

Wow Phoenix bleated happy birthday and yes that was rather rude.
I am addicted to my phone I admit but would never put it on table and if goes off have quick glance and leave it anything else is out of order.

If in a friends home I don't even take phone out of my bag if they gone to trouble to Inviting me and giving me hospitality rude to check phone continually.

Nonnie Thu 06-Aug-15 10:32:49

Belated happy birthday Phoenix.

Ditch the friend! Since retiring I feel very liberated as I don't have to have anything to do with anyone (apart from one DiL) that I don't want to. If someone is a drain get rid of them (unless of course they have a real problem).

Everyone knows what she did is rude so she knew what she was doing and just wanted you to know how busy and wanted she is. Well she doesn't have to be wanted by you!

As for the puds, we have all been there and are just jealous!

Bellanonna Thu 06-Aug-15 11:39:56

B****y bad manners and insulting to your hospitality.

nonnanna Fri 07-Aug-15 09:58:35

phoenix a belated happy birthday from me too wine flowers
Your experience is unfortunately all too common these days.
I regularly meet up for a meal with two friends I used to work with. The first thing that happens when we sit down is that their phones go onto
the table. They check them regularly and there are no noises so I assume they have them set to silent. Texting people back happens every time, accompanied by 'Sorry, I must just text ....' We once were asked our opinion on the answer to a game one of them was playing with her daughter!
I really don't understand this pressure today of having to be in constant touch and respond instantly to everything. I have a mobile, a laptop and I use Facebook. I use my mobile fairly regularly but it's often set to silent when I'm in company and I may not pick up a text for a couple of hours. Sometimes it can be a week before I look at Facebook. However, all of my friends know this and it's never been a problem. I'm beginning to think that we will soon have micro chip implants so that everyone will know our thoughts without us lifting a finger. Rant over grin

Maggiemaybe Fri 07-Aug-15 19:35:03

Very rude indeed. I wonder if this is a bigger issue here than elsewhere in the world, and if so, why? We've just got back from a visit to Hamburg, and it was so much calmer and sociable there, with people chatting to each other in the bars, on the streets and the UBahn, phones presumably kept in their pockets. Once on the train from Manchester Airport it was business as usual, loud one-sided conversations going on all around the carriage, a middle-aged woman behind us playing a solo game on her phone, bleeping and whistling away, while her partner tried to talk to her, people ignoring their children. I admit to spending too much time on my Kindle Fire (though not while out in company) and I'm going to try to cut down, once I've checked GN and FB and Words with Friends for any updates of course....

sara4 Fri 07-Aug-15 20:19:19

It makes me quite cross to see young mums constantly on their phones while their young child tries hard to get their attention.

carol123 Sat 08-Aug-15 01:56:12

this would really annoy me but I wouldn't say anything. I often get relatives and friends dropping in and some just sit down and get their phone out to ring people while they are here which I find very rude. (urgent calls excepted) What I normally do while this happens is disappear into the kitchen and tidy up, peg out washing etc etc. Some get the hint others don't.

NfkDumpling Sat 08-Aug-15 06:33:38

Belated Happy Birthday Phoenix wine!

Your friend sounds interesting to "collect" as Norman Clegg used to say!

It sounds as if her Ex isn't altogether as ex as she makes out and she's needing to persuade herself that her new man is really her Mr Wonderful. Worrying about her daughter too is knocking her off an even keel. She's probably not herself at the moment and living a bit on the edge. Give it time an your old mate will re-appear!

I understand this business with phones on the table is the latest trend if you want to appear in with the crowd. Makes one appear indispensable and needed. Does that fit with her current state of mind?