dirty old men

I like the Joyce Grenville suggestion best. Lovely way to put him down lol.

Sensible words, Merlot A joint effort from the members to support ethel and ensure his nearest and dearest are aware that this needs managing without turning it into a vendetta. His GP may need to be informed by his family. Sex pests of any age needs standing up to and if it can't be managed he might have to stop attending the classes.

Take a small water pistol and next time squirt him in the groin, point and say " Oh you've wet yourself, poor dear!" as loudly as possible.

And what would that achieve, reenee?

Brain damage, whether from an accident, dementia or a stroke can cause loss of inhibition He's 88 and obviously can no longer restrain himself. He may have always been a bit of a sex pest but who knows what state his mind is in now?

A nuisance who may have to be firmly put in his place but not the end of the world.

I would take a small water pistol with me and if he tries it on again, squirt him in the groin and then state loudly that he must have wet himself, poor dear!

Very loudly , very clearly , in his face SOD OFF YOU DIRTY OLD MAN.

I feel sorry for Ethelbags having to put up with this carry on. Some men dont get how to behave round women. I lost my husband and a few months later my dad died. I had lost the 2 most important men to me. In the following months I was diagnosed with various illnesses one of which was the same as a female neighbour. We discussed our bones problems a few times and this was even discussed in the presence of her husband. I had to shift some heavy furniture and this woman said her husband would help me. He came to my house and made an improper suggestion! This was shocking for me. He was a married man living a few doors away with his wife. How anyone would want to touch my body with all these illnesses was beyond my understanding. Then I suddenly thought that maybe the wife was in on it. This all scared me so much that I moved from my flat to my late parents' house and heavens above did another married man not start on me there! I have no idea why anyone would want to touch me I am over 60 and registered disabled.
It is not just what is said to a female of our age group it is the shock that men have still not learned how to conduct themselves. There is shock and sometimes terror. I reported the first incident to the Police who said it was my word against his. I made the report in writing so there is evidence that I am being pestered. Everytime I go back to my flat this stupid man watches me. One day I will lose the plot and forget I am a grandmother of 5 and deal with a sleazy man as we did way back in the 60s and 70s. We should not be having to deal with such rubbish now and the police should not allow it to happen.
I am disgusted with the item about a male patient in a care home raping a female patient. That should never have been allowed to happen. It seems to me that women are no safer now than they were years ago. There is a local incident of a nurse being raped and murdered. The man is caught and a previous incident come to light. Police and courts are not taking action on the previous case. What message is that sending out to men of that persuasion.
Sugarpufffairy

When my poor dad started to lose the plot after several fractures and surgery, he did make sexual advances to his carer. It was very sad as the "real" Dad would have been mortified.

could this be an early indication of dementia? Unacceptable behaviour esp at this age!

Sadly, as is sometimes the case, he has joined this group in order to gain some gratification rather than improving his artistic skills.
If he is in the early stages of dementia, behaviour may surface which he has never exhibited before. He needs professional help not being shouted at, ridiculed or thumped.
Perhaps Ethel, you or one of the group, could find out whether he has a carer or family, maybe someone drives him to the class and raise this with them.

If he continues to harass you I'd have that glass of water handy and throw it over his trousers. End of.

And don't worry about posting on here for advice. That's what we're here for and if people don't know or want to comment then they can remain silent!

Good luck

I would speak to whoever is in charge of the class. Sexual harassment is just that. You should be free to attend a class without being made to feel uncomfortable.

When I was about 19 I worked in an office where a senior manager would squeeze past me at filing cabinets, make sleezy comments as to how my weekend went etc. I was too niaive to complain to more senior management.

A few years later, possibly late 20s, I met up with the sleezy comments from a man old enough to be my father, he clearly thought it was fun because he'd do it in front of others. A very pleasant man in all other ways.
One day I was on the other side of a sliding glass window as he passed with a colleague and made his usual comments. The red mist descended. I was out the door and into the corridor in a flash and told him in front of about 10 office staff, and his colleague, to never ever speak to me like that again, disgraceful, etc. Did he not realise his daughter was my age, how would he like her to be addressed like that. The entire area went silent. I turned and went back to my desk. Later, when I met him, I apologised for speaking to him in the matter and tone that I had used, but that the content still stood.

I agree with Hilda.... speak very loud and very stern....do not come near me again etc. And possibly even refer to reporting him (even if you have no intention of doing so) if he does it again.

If you have been trying to deal with him discreetly the other members of the group may be unaware of how unpleasant it is for you. Is it possible for you to have a quiet word with the others, explain how embarrassing and unwelcome his advances are and ask them to help you deal with him? You could tell him you have mentioned his actions to others who have advised you it is sexual harassment and if he continues you will report him to the police.

Perhaps he should be reminded - perhaps by someone else if you find it difficult to deal with - that be he can still be charged with indecent assault. I too am surprised that other class members are not offering you support.

If none of the suggestions here stop this man from bothering you, whatever the reason for his behaviour, he should be prevented from attending the class.

Well done to you absent. Something similar happened when I was on the tube one day. We were all crushed up near the door and a young woman said in a very loud voice "What do you think you are doing?". I heard a man mumble something. "No you weren't", she said "You were putting your hand up my skirt". I so admired her because I'm sure in a similar situation I would have been frozen with embarrassment and would have just got off at the next station.

You could try saying, in a loud but calm voice "You're really rather pathetic, aren't you? Any by the way, I think your incontinence pad might need changing"

DO NOT do what you said in your post of 22.53.07!

Is it that element of 'Britishness' that John Cleese alluded to in 'A Fish Called Wanda'......we are all driven by a huge sense of embarrassment. Its why we hold back from things...fear of embarrassment rather than anything else. Its certainly how I feel about some things. I'll avoid situations because I cannot stand scenes....I'd fight to the last breath if my child was in danger.....but if it was just embarrassing...I'd be less keen to intervene.

When I was pregnant I needed elastic stockings for varicose veins and took the prescription to a pharmacy, where the head pharmacist (an elderly man) had to take the measurements. His main interest was the inside leg length, especially making sure that the tape measure was as high as it could go - hmmm.

I also had my breasts stroked (through my bra) by a consultant gastro-enterologist.

These pests are everywhere.

If the other people in the class are aware of what he does (as it seems they are) then you could get them all to sort him out with you and he might get the message. I cannot understand why they just stand back and let him get on with it, even making a joke of it. They should be rallying round to get him off your back. Maybe you could discuss it with the others (?by phone beforehand) and work out a joint strategy - which might (and should) involve booting him out.

It may not be age.
Our local sex pest[I think ours was harmless but annoying] lived until 101. And had all his faculties.

I am not sure what constitutes assault, so you might want to look that up first.

Is the class in a hall, or run by the council or an organisation?

I'm glad to see you are in recovery mode Ethelbags . If you have absent's composure then make a loud fuss but it can be difficult especially as you are when all is said and done you are still convalescing. I think the Joyce Grenfell approach is best myself. Perhaps you could get everyone in the group to say it together. It sounds like a mix of not knowing boundaries and age -sadly.

Acrylic paint would be difficult to get out of his trousers should you accidentally squirt a large tubeful in the direction of his crotch.

I, too, wondered if has dementia, but sadly there are still a few old (and not so old!) sex pests around.

I think all you can do is say something in a loud voice about his unacceptable behaviour, get up, move your stuff and sit somewhere else.
I am sure other members of the group are perfectly aware of what he's like, that's why you are getting stuck next to him!

I know of an old man who used to pester his home helps for sex and I am sure he wasn't the only one who did this.
Yuck!