Not to want to host a meal for family on my birthday

Do what my inlaws always did for family occaisions. Get everyone to take some particular type of prepared food along and arrange in advance who would take what so you have a good buffet range.

My DS's are all better cooks than me, so prefer to do the cooking when they are here!

Can someone please explain the abbreviations, DDS DS DFS and so on. Can't think what they mean.

DS=Dear Son, DD=Dear Daughter, DH=Dear Husband, DGS=Dear Grandson, etc.

Hi Victoria. If you click on 'acronyms' at the top of this thread, you will find the most common abbreviations and their meanings. It is just our lazy way of talking about our family members.

I really enjoy GN for this sort of topic. It's very easy to think we are being unreasonable just because we are used to happily doing the lion's share of the catering and jobs. My husband thinks I'm being 'funny' if I suggest going out anywhere on my birthday or that I might like a present. He invites his (older and quirky) brother to stay regularly and I wait on them hand and feet. Last time DH said 'you might look more cheerful!'. This actually looks a poor show reading it back .....

Same here jing! Always Cooked or provided the food for Mother's Day and Father's Day. If my son is in the country on the day (rarely) he will cook or take us out for a meal. Still waiting for DD to do the same. .

Reading these coments has made me feel much better! I too like my birthday to be "my" day and sometimes feel disappointed at how the family, including my lovely husband don't seem to get it. I always feel like a selfish old misery guts if I try to engjneer it! Like many of us I find it hard to be explicit about what I would like to happen and live in hope that what I would like will somehow just happen. After all I've spent a lot of time making sure birthdays etc are just what they wanted! OK rant over!

It's taken years of hard work to be spoilt on my birthday. I did watch one of my MiLs always have to cook for everyone if she wanted to see any of her family on her birthday but back then ex and I didn't have enough money or space to be able to do it for her. as soon as we could, we started to, and then eventually were able to afford to take her out for meals. I think maybe it often starts out like that, but people don't start questioning it - it is what has always been done. Family assume the mother does it because she likes doing it, and don't realise that it is because she may not see her family at all because they don't want the work. Plenty of families really are that selfish.

One of my grandmothers, however, really did love cooking for everyone. Thankfully I didn't inherit her genes.

I expect to be wined and dined on my birthday and not have to cook it myself so no YANBU.
We hosted a lunch for SIL's 50th birthday but did it at a restaurant.

Any chance DS2 cooking the birthday dinner for his gf?

What about wedding anniversaries? We have hosted 25th,40th and 50th celebrations. 4 years to go for 60th- what are the chances of family organizing a party? Always supposing we live that long!!

Thanks for all the replies! I think DS2 was surprised at my reaction to his suggestion! Just shows how children, even adult ones, expect you to be happy to conjour up an elaborate meal as we haven't anything better to do. ( he does cook for his gf often but he's bringing her over as wants to make her feel part of the family- maybe an announcement soon we keep guessing!, and I really don't mind cooking for her birthday, just not mine!) it reminds me a bit of my reaction when DH bought me a bread maker (I hadn't asked for one) for my birthday once. I left it in its box for several months, then gave it away. I think he got the message.

But it makes the bread for you!! suzied - all you have to do is buy the ingredients, measure the ingredients, put them into the machine, switch it on, turn it out then wash it all up and clean the work surfaces where you spilt flour, sugar, yeast etc etc.
Oh go on then, go and buy a loaf

I suppose it depends whether or not your family live locally. Mine don't and I have spent many birthdays alone, through force of circumstances. If my DC and their families do manage to make it, I happily cook for them. Having said that, I will be spending my next birthday at DD's and they are taking me out to a very swanky restaurant.

My parents and I all shared the same birthday so I am rather difficult about it being my day. My DH once made a joke about it early in our marriage - he never did it again! We had a wonderful time for our joint birthdays earlier this year - we went to Raymond Blanc's restaurant in Oxfordshire - what an experience! Now, at Xmas we spend every second one in the Cotswolds being treated to excellent food, service and accommodation. We did Xmas lunch last year and we were both exhausted by the end of the day. DH said it was his last time in the kitchen during the Festive Season and, as has been said previously, the DC seem to take it all for granted. We'll see what happens next year!!

This family will tell you they have had many years of family meals for birthdays, christmas, bonfires, celebrations etc all cooked by me, washed and cleaned up by me, and hardly remembered by me (except the exhaustion of course). Even weeks holidays with 12 or more people all catered for by yours truly as whenever I needed help they always had somewhere like the beach to rush to or a hot shower (mine was always cold as I was last, thats WHEN I could get in a bathroom. Then......whoopee I suddenly decided it did not mean I didn't love them, it meant I wasn't the doormat anymore. The final straw came was DS,DIL and grandson stayed for a week and I waited on them hand and foot and I was tired at the end of the week and I popped by head around the door to ask someone to wash up.....DIL was just painting her nails and DS was in the shower. I flipped...(no need to tell you the exact phrase) but enough that once I had lay on the bed to calm down and came down, kitchen was spick and span and cup of tea ready. I think they come to expect it but if you explain nicely enough is enough AND stick to it, they get the message

your day , your way. Have a wonderful Birthday.

Why not do a deal. Say, yes I will prepare a meal for your girlfriends birthday if you do the same for my birthday.

Now that our wee family has grown, with the addition of SsIL and DGC, to 10 of us, I cannot cope with a sit down dinner so it's either a buffet or go out. For my Birthday tomorrow DH is treating us all to a meal in a restaurant, but come to think of it, as he cannot remember his bank/credit card numbers, I will be paying the bill from our joint account. Last year he got DD2 to buy me a lovely present on his behalf - then took me to one side to 'borrow' the cash to repay her!

Happy birthday Granny 23. You share your day with my DGS who will be six in another eight hours as he lives in California. Also my niece's wedding anniversary.

It amazes me how family expect meals or parties to just appear.

Dear Husband is very keen on entertaining so I now keep a folder with inserts with our house name and the section: House - 5 day menu, house Christmas dinner, House - suppers, house summer barbeque etc. I print out my shopping lista nd meues for each event and put them in the folder, so that when they come round again I only have to update them.

I was amazed one Christmas when my visitors came with the goose, and the husband took my shopping list, checked every thing on it and then went shopping for everything we had not got! Marvellous.

Similarly when I was doing son's 50 birthday barbecue this summer my sister in law and her husband went shopping on the morning for all the fresh goods we had not got.

What a wonderful family. You have them very well trained. Can I borrow them?

I think he is just trying to cover all angles in one fell swoop i.e. dinner for gf (compliment to you as he wants to share his mum and her cooking with gf) but also wants to save time and effort re celebrating your birthday. Seems like young male ignorance/arrogance - he will learn - gf will put him right as she is probably expecting a lovely romantic meal out (not dinner with possible in-laws)!! My DS1 did a similar thing - asking me to do a special roast dinner for his gf (now his wife) as a surprise for her birthday - he duly brought her round and she was really p.....d off - it was very embarrassing for everyone - especially as we had all made an extra special effort for her - but I did feel very sorry for her and very annoyed with DS1. They are happily married now - surprise surprise - but sadly she and I have a rather strained relationship and DS1 has learnt his lesson well - consequently we rarely see them.

toys may have been thrown out of the pram last year, when I decided I was not going to drive 110mile round trip, go to asda, buy birthday food and other shopping, cook birthday meal, pack it all back in the fridge, sort left overs and transport the fifty miles home, organise and buy my own presents (pretend not to look while children choose in the supermarket.)

so yadnbu