People who hold grudges

I don't go on about it though. Can't abide people who whinge but are not willing to change things.

I don't hold grudges. I might forgive but I will never forget. DSD had an argument with DH a few years back and plastered it all over Facebook for sympathy and attention. Although things have gone back to normal,sort of,I have never really forgiven her for starting a witch hunt against her father for something he hadn't even done. If people really betray me over and over,then I just cut them out of my life.

I have always thought that holding on to negative happenings must affect us in some way.
If you find out the name LuckyDucky, I would be interested in knowing what it is.

Think you're right sunseeker. By re-visiting past negative happenings, we bring back anger, humiliation, resentment and for what? We've just done to ourselves.

Heard on radio 4 long ago about the nasties we create when feeling any of the above emotions. It takes many minutes for our bodies to sort a couple of minutes anger. I cannot remember the name

I do remember the good ones are endomorphines or a word similar
e.g. the emotion one gains when singing, especially in a group.

He loved his Alsation, Blondie, as well, even evil men love their nearest and dearest.

Alea - you're right! it was a fiction book .
But anyway he loved Eva Braun.
Still a thoroughly wicked man though.

I don't waste time and energy holding grudges on my own behalf, but I do hold a grudge against someone who wronged my GD in a big way, though she has come to terms with it herself.

My Mother, my middle son, and an ex friend who has so many grudges she has no friends at all, she is holding a grudge against a neighbour who didn't come home from work to take in her washing when it started raining
It's the huffy ones i really dislike.

I don't bear grudges, would rather say something and then move on.

Wasn't it his niece( Hitler) and there was a whiff of scandal about their relationship.

I hate confrontation and specially hate to have "cross words" with a member of the family. This is usually a good thing but sometimes results in a kind of simmering resentment which is awful.

I never knew Hitler had a daughter?

I've borne grudges in the past but TG have got over most of them.
One way to do it is try to get to know the other person better and try to find something good about them - there always is.
Even Hitler loved his daughter.

That's very true Nonnie - and this is what is so boring exasperating. Little things blown out of proportion. Still harking back to her husband going out with his mates to wet the baby's head and getting drunk. The 'baby' is now 43!!

I think there are things that happen in our lives which are so serious we can't forget them but that is not holding a grudge surely. It is the less important things that people hang onto and keep dragging up which I would consider holding a grudge.

Some people actually seem to look for them.

It happens on internet forum too ;)

Yes I am inclined to do that, for example there were a group of 5 couples, and we all used to met up periodically, but one of the couples particularly the woman would gossip and bitch about the rest, she therefore clearly must have said things about us. I tolerated it for a while but have gradually dropped out of the group. I have other groups of friends and we never ever bitch, utterly unnecessary.

Two of my sisters haven't been talking for about four years now, it has caused so many logistical problems and hurts, my niece was particularly upset when two aunts didn't come to the wedding - one of my sisters appears to have sided with the other.

I just let it all drift over me and talk to them all, but it's tough. I think of myself as not a grudge-bearer, but there are a couple of hurts from the past that still niggle, particularly from my mother.

To go on about an injustice or a slight you have endured is boring for anyone to listen to. Sometimes if you just do not get on with someone, perhaps they say horrible things and let you down, time after time, you have to let that person go, the years pass and perhaps that is holding a grudge, but I don't think so, if someone continuously upsets you and doesn't make amends or try to justify their actions, what is the point of beating yourself up, best to let them go even if it's family.

I'm useless at it, very similar to you whitewave, besides I hate confrontation. My three sister fell out with each other years ago, I really don't know why. It's breaking my mother's heart but to no avail.
I have asked them, tried being peacemaker but no joy I could bang their bloody heads together

I forget or get bored. about what I am peeved about, so no good at holding grudges

sunseeker that's it exactly. Mind you, DH says he couldn't care less about this woman but won't give her the time of day when he sees her. I am left to be cordial and cool (in your words) but he just acts as though she is not there. Fortunately, she is so 'up' herself that she doesn't notice!

I think we probably find it harder to let go of grudges when someone has said or done something to our loved ones, especially in your case KatyK as you were already feeling very protective towards your DH.

When I was having chemo a "friend" said something unpleasant about me to someone else. I long ago gave up any ill feeling about it but DH never forgave him and refused to have anything to do with him again.

Indinana Maybe it's not really a grudge. I suppose it's perfectly reasonable to be annoyed with someone like that. Trouble is this person is a good friend of my daughter's who we see occasionally, so I have
to paint the smile on as my daughter doesn't know and thinks this person is lovely.

Actually KatyK, I can understand that completely. I might not be a natural grudge holder, but that sort of situation would be hard for me too.