Gransnet forums


To have been told directly and not on Facebook?

(47 Posts)
LyndaW Wed 07-Oct-15 09:08:08

I'm having another grandchild! My son and his fiancee are pregnant. It's wonderful news and I am delighted for him and his very lovely wife to be. However, I can't help but feel a little bit put out at how I found out the news - on Facebook along with their 634 other "friends".
I'm family and the grandma - surely a phone call would have been appropriate? Or even a text message. I'm trying not to get upset - it is about them after all, not me, but even so...

J52 Wed 07-Oct-15 09:11:40

Sorry you are upset. I would feel exactly the same. Maybe a quiet word with your son to explain your feelings so next time when something important to your family is shared, you get to be told in person. flowers


glammanana Wed 07-Oct-15 09:18:08

LyndaW It seems to be the norm now doesn't it ? I would have thought a polite phone call would have been best maybe telling you they are announcing their news of the new arrival on FB much more appropriate imo,but they have their own way of announcing things for the world and his friends to see.
Don't be too upset just grit your teeth and smile when you see it sounds like you may have the updates as to how things are going on FB for the next few months so look at it as being kept in the loop.
Congrats on the new arrival is it your first DGC ? I would love a new baby in the family but it looks like the stork has stopped flying over our area for the time being.grin

Grannyknot Wed 07-Oct-15 09:22:40

lynda I understand why you feel like you do. But you're going to have to accept that that's how it happened. Are they young?

I think sometimes in the excitement, 'family protocol' gets overlooked. My daughter was upset because she found out at a meal in a restaurant that she was going to be an auntie, because there were family and friends present and she felt she should have been told first by her brother. Meanwhile, the parents-to-be had only just told us (when they came to pick us up for the meal), and were just very excited to tell the whole world. They had not consciously planned how to make the announcement.

Anniebach Wed 07-Oct-15 09:34:20

I don't consider sharing the news of a new grandchild as family protocol , I would have been devastated if I had been Lynda

Indinana Wed 07-Oct-15 09:36:51

lynda I too understand how you feel. It would have upset me to if such momentous family news reached me that way. It would make me wonder if my DS or DD thought my DH and I were no more to them than their hundreds of other FB 'friends'.
I would have been hurt.

Indinana Wed 07-Oct-15 09:37:28


Alea Wed 07-Oct-15 09:40:03

Isn't * devastated* a bit strong? OK they were tactless, but if it is GOOD NEWS why not just be happy for them?
There can be enough problems, stresses and even sadness attached to pregnancies, just "suck it up"(horrible phrase) and smile serenely.

rosesarered Wed 07-Oct-15 09:50:16

It's how a lot of younger people live now ( and some not so young as well) unfortunately.Maybe they thought you didn't look at FB ( I don't) so just let their friends know that way, and were about to ring you or come and tell you in person? Only you know your son and how thoughtful he is/isn't.
You are right to be upset, but don't let it fester.

rosesarered Wed 07-Oct-15 09:52:13

A lot of people just don't think ,

KatyK Wed 07-Oct-15 10:07:54

I too would have been devastated (I don't think devastated is too strong)if I had found out via Facebook. It wouldn't have happened, as I am not on Facebook as it has caused many problems between myself and my daughter when I was on it.

Anniebach Wed 07-Oct-15 10:11:18

Devastated is not too strong to say how I would feel Alea, may be for you but not for me . I had no problem of hearing one of my nephews was to be a Grandfather on Facebook , but if I read of a pregnancy of my daughters this way then yes devastated.

LyndaW Wed 07-Oct-15 10:27:56

Thanks for your messages - it helps knowing I'm not being unreasonable about this. I'm trying to focus on the positive side of the fact that yes, I get to be a grandmother again (3rd time luckiest glammanana)!
Although I can't help but wonder if the 'other' prospective grandparents found out the same way - I'm assuming not. I understand their excitement at wanting to share it with the world (it's their first child) so trying to excuse it with that. I don't want to take anything away from my son by mentioning it to him. DH is also miffed so maybe when they go out for a beer sometime he'll drop it into conversation. Will send them a congratulations card now and take out my frustration on blitzing the kitchen.

Alea Wed 07-Oct-15 10:36:23

Well it's all relative Anniebach when DD lost her first baby at 14 weeks last year I wouldn't have cared one jot if she had been able to publish other news on the front page of the flippin' Sun. I would have given every penny I had and then some not to know the heartbreak she was going through whether that was via Facebook or a poster on a London bus.
Let's think less about our rights and put the young parents first.
Fair enough, I was touched that the initial news of her pregnancy had been given to us face to face, but it's not about us.

kittylester Wed 07-Oct-15 10:52:58

I agree with Alea. There are lots more devastating things that happen!

Anya Wed 07-Oct-15 10:59:50

Yes, put it behind you. Don't dwell on this just be delighted with their news.

Alea sorry to read that flowers

Nonnie Wed 07-Oct-15 11:00:22

Maybe they told their parents and assumed you had also been told? I suspect just thoughtless.

I heard that my brother had died from my son who saw it on Fb before I did. My niece (not his daughter) had posted it. It was a couple of days before another relative phoned to tell me! I actually, although hurt, just accepted it as that part of the family is so totally self-absorbed.

Lona Wed 07-Oct-15 11:06:47

* Nonnie* The OP is the parent, which is why she is feeling hurt.
I'd feel a bit hurt too, but only for a minute or two. My son, who is very close to me, forgot to tell me and just casually dropped it into our conversation! grin

Nonnie Wed 07-Oct-15 11:10:20

Sorry Lona my multi-tasking has gone badly off today due to lack of sleep!

Elegran Wed 07-Oct-15 11:10:44

If I were you I would approach this by telling them how delighted you are with the news and not going into any reproaches about the way you learnt it. As a throwaway remark you might add with a smile something like "For the next one it would be nice to hear before the rest of the world, though" - and leave it at that. Don't spoil the moment, a row about it would hang around for a long long time.

janeainsworth Wed 07-Oct-15 11:15:43

I think it depends how frequent a Facebook user you are.
My DDs and DiL both use Facebook quite a lot and we converse on there more than by phone or email, so it wouldn't seem unusual to me.
I would just have been delighted for them - no one can take away the fact that you're the grandma, can they?

Alea Wed 07-Oct-15 11:28:14

Thank you Anya it was heartbreaking as they are both in their late-ish 30's and this was a very very wanted baby. But as you and many others know, sh*t happens sad - not every pregnancy is a given.
On the bright side they are getting married the weekend before Christmas.

harrigran Wed 07-Oct-15 12:07:27

I am with those that say just be thankful you get to be a Grandma and be happy for them. Too many GPs miss out on their GC growing up, if you moan about it you could be joining them.
I keep in touch with my family via FB, very rarely use the telephone.

Anniebach Wed 07-Oct-15 12:16:59

Alea, my younger daughter miscarried twins last year , her fifth miscarriage may have been more but early in the pregnancy. This week she is having a fourteenth attempt at IVF, i have been deeply distressed every time but thank God I can support her,listen to her. If I read in Facebook she had miscarried I would be devastated about this too - she isn't on face book- I like sharing my two daughters joys and don't feel happy about their sadnesses But am thankful they share these too.

Lynda, it's done now, let the hurt go and look forward to the birth of this grandchild

Alea Wed 07-Oct-15 12:23:17

flowers flowers Anniebach I hope you understand what I mean though, that when there is good news, it is the happy news that matters (even) more than the method of delivery. (Absolutely NOT talking about sensitive or sad news.)

Wishing your DD every success, what a brave lady she must be. And you too.