We got into dreadful trouble with MiL for not telling her I was pregnant, but we had made the decision so as not to take away all the attention from DBH's younger brother, who was getting married when I was 3 months pregnant. Also, I really wanted to wait until I was around 14 weeks along, in case anything went wrong. My sister knew because I needed her help to get to the hospital once for a checkup. MiL was really put out that my sister knew, but couldn't understand that not only did she live too far away to give me a lift, but that if we had built her up to expect her first GC she would have been devastated should we have lost it.
My own mother was more like, 'Oh no, not another one!' as my sisters already had DCs, so I knew I was safe there.
I don't really care who my DCs tell first, I know they love me, surely it's all down to who is with them at the time they feel like talking about it? I have hated so many of the customs and restrictions that the older generations have tried to impose, I don't want to be like that with my own DCs. I want them to come to me because they want to, not out of duty or fear of the consequences, which would just make them resentful. Hurt I may be at times, but I suspect I may have inadvertently hurt others. Someone, somewhere is always going to have their nose put out of joint - if they let it.