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(31 Posts)
Dara Sat 07-Nov-15 13:38:08

Had a breakdown in 2009 and is not the lovely man I married. What do I do about this please?

stillhere Mon 09-Nov-15 23:03:55

No, you can't take it personally, I know it's hard not to - such as DBH not really wanting to come home from his parents' just yet. He has to though, otherwise he will miss his CBT appointment. Tonight when he phoned he was wondering whether to go back up there afterwards, which would be a real pain for me as much needs his attention, but I can fully understand why he feels happier up there, away from everything.

I tell myself it's no different from having a broken leg, or a dodgy heart, it's just his brain instead. That helps me to put it in perspective. Of course, as Dara says, they/we are not them/ourselves until they not only get their medication sorted, but also learn to sort out how they deal with it. DBH has been depressed before and neither of us knew what on earth was happening to us, we both dealt with it entirely the wrong way and we ended up separating for almost a year. He changed jobs and that seemed to work for the past eleven years, now sadly it has returned. At least this time we both knew the signs, but I'm not sorry that we got back together. This time round he is willing to talk things through.

downtoearth Tue 10-Nov-15 08:25:04

That makes sense Still as OH has been going out to feel normal and block out what I would describe as his inner voice telling him he is weak etc,I know that depression can be recurrent and will be aware that he is susceptible just as I am now,everything is an emotional rollercoaster at the moment..

I feel I must apologise to Dara as I feel I have hijacked your thread and made it about me that wasnt my intention,but I hope some of my posts in some way helped or supported you to show that others share your problemflowers

tigger Tue 10-Nov-15 11:52:44

I think Dara has posted on the wrong thread (see Christmas Brunch)

GrandmaH Tue 10-Nov-15 12:16:07

Take heart. 2 years ago members of this message board kept me going when DH- who had always suffered from clinical depression -was finally diagnosed with Bi-Polar & was in a clinic for a month. The weeks before were hell & it took a long time when he came home to get him back to something like the man I married.
Believe me you will get through this. At times I hated him for what he was putting us all through but he could not help it & was going through hell himself inside.
I really do know how you feel but take all the help offered to you & if it is not offered- ask for it. My own doctor was brilliant to me. I had to get out of the house at one stage as he was potentially violent.
It took a while for the meds to get him sorted but now he is on a even keel ( & massive doses of drugs) & has been signed off although his doctor checks him regularly.
My heart goes out to you. It will get better.
love to you

grannyjack Tue 10-Nov-15 18:45:20

My OH had an episode of depression 2 years ago. It lasted 6 months & it was one of the toughest times in our marriage. The GP prescribed anti depressants but the ones she prescribed gave him serious side effects. She also suggested 2 very simple books for us to read - both by Matthew Johnstone who suffers from depression. The one for my OH is called 'I had a black dog' the one for me 'Living with a black dog' . We are both mental health professionals; he was a consultant clinical psychologist & a director of mental health services. I was a psychiatric nurse & a mental health manager. (No prizes for guessing where we met,) We both found the books helpful, although in cartoon style they gave us both some important messages. He also went to see someone who worked with a time limited therapy called 'Human Givens' - they have a website. I don't know what went on or what he said but he appreciated the approach taken. My approach was to ensure that we went out for a walk every day, I asked him to do some domestic chores & cooking, just to get him off the sofa & so that when he cried & said 'I'm useless' I could point out that wasn't entirely the case.

However Dara, your OH being depressed since 2009 sounds a very different bag. Has your husband had a full physical screening - there are sometimes underlying physical causes to depression which need to be addressed. In the meantime - please take care of yourself.