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to expect to become a happy person now at 62

(20 Posts)
daphne907 Fri 04-Dec-15 13:38:25

when for a lot of my life, I have not been?
Should I accept that this is me, that I will never have 47 friends and be the life and soul of the party?
Back on the Prozac again for another 3 months stint - I know I don't help myself by coming off them when I think I feel better.
But I just wonder whether I will ever change anything, or is it best to be myself? I am not a people person, and can find constant company and talking very wearing - am glad to get back to relative peace and quiet.

rosesarered Fri 04-Dec-15 14:08:33

It sounds as if you know yourself very well Daphne which is something, as not everyone does!
On the whole, I do think that you, or anyone, does have to accept the fact that they will never change at this age.if you haven't wanted to make a change before now, it's unlikely that you will do.Sometimes we have to force ourselves into meeting others or going out more, and if it would make you happier ( the end result) then try it? I suspect though, that you know what makes you happy, and it isn't lots of people around you.Welcome to the forum, you can always find people to chat to here.tchsmile

Alea Fri 04-Dec-15 14:12:31

flowers daphne, you sound as if you are in a very bad place at the moment and I really hope you can gain some comfort and understanding from us on GN.
You ask "is it best to be myself?" Unquestionably.
We are not all the "life and soul of the party", I could not name 47 friends, maybe acquaintances, but not real friends. You are not alone in finding constant company and talking wearing so do not beat yourself up about that either.
However, being alone is not the same as being lonely and it can be easy to sink into depression without any (congenial) contact-not necessarily always human,- dogs and cats can be a lifeline.
Happiness is a weird concept, we often think we can never attain it, but we know real unhappiness when it comes knocking.
I am not a psychotherapist so I can offer no professional advice, just as one member to another.
I hope you will choose to stick around on GN, talk to us, join in threads which appeal, ignore any that do not.
Welcome, nobody needs to feel entirely alone or to despair sunshine

jinglbellsfrocks Fri 04-Dec-15 14:16:26

You will be surprised how happy you can become as you get older daphne. For no good reason whatsoever. confused (I don't think it's the onset of gaga-ness)

Keep up the prozac. Fantastic stuff. smile

loopylou Fri 04-Dec-15 14:22:27

Hello daphne from a nearly 62 year old who's decided it is best to be myself simply because trying to be someone I'm not is exhausting and counterproductive in that I get very dissatisfied with me!

47friends? nope, probably about a dozen I'd think
Life and soul of the party? shudder, definitely not me. I wear hearing aids and loud, busy environments make me feel frazzled!
Enjoy relative peace and quiet? absolutely, and nothing wrong with that either tchsmile (won't put tchgrin because just back from yet another extraction the dentist and it's too much!)

flowers and a hug, you're doing fine x

Jane10 Fri 04-Dec-15 14:35:14

Happiness is a lot to expect other than in short bursts. Contentment is more realistic. At 62 you know what it takes to make you feel OK. If its a quiet life then so be it. If you really want more in the way of a social life rather than think you should want more then go for it. We're all different. Not everyone wants to be the life and soul of every party -or even go to parties!

Jayh Fri 04-Dec-15 15:18:51

Hi Daphne. There is nothing wrong with not being a people person. Why do you think you should be? You enjoy the peace and quiet of your own company and that is a real blessing. I do too and after years of beating myself up about this I have simply decided, at the age of 66,so be it. I socialise when it suits me and is enjoyable but don't feel I have too. Be yourself. At 62 you are older and wiser so don't put up with the snash of self criticism. Trust me it's one thing we can well do without.

cornergran Fri 04-Dec-15 16:51:12

Daphne sorry you're worrying. There're aren't 'shoulds' to how we all relate to each other. We're all unique. 47 real friends are a heck of a lot. Perhaps think quality rather than quantity? Not sure where the number came from. Suspect no-one can be happy all the time. For myself I find enjoyment and yes, happiness in the small things of life. Sometimes want people, often not. I've learned not to try to be who I'm not. If you worry about being quiet around others it can help to remember that a talker needs someone to listen. Sending flowers Please believe you are doing fine.

Teetime Fri 04-Dec-15 17:05:39

Daphne we are not so very different and I have needed Prozac from time to time. Lots of us on here can empathise with what's its like to be you. Just be yourself and take pleasure in the small things. I hope you are not too blue - keep talking there are lots of us here to chat with- many of them are quite barmy of course. [tcsmile]

mollie Fri 04-Dec-15 21:41:00

I agree with Jayh, and think the key to happiness is being true to yourself rather than thinking you ought to live a particular way. I've spent most of my 58 years twisting and turning and trying to be outgoing, sociable, a people person. I'm not any of those things but I thought I would be with a bit of effort. I've accepted myself at last and I'm so much more content and happy. Good luck.

italiangirl Fri 04-Dec-15 23:47:39

I'm reassured to read the wise words here I struggle socially .suddenly I don't feel so alone.

Coolgran65 Sat 05-Dec-15 00:15:12

I arm 66 and I take citalopram daily and am grateful for it. I didn't even know I needed it, it was my gp who suggested it and I said no, but eventually agreed. A tiny dose has given me back what I hadn't realised was missing.

My friends are few but they are true and steadfast and long standing. People would think I was a people person when in company....I am. But more and more often I am content with my home, my lot. Last week I realised that in the previous 7 days I had been out three times, once to visit my sis in law who lives nearby, once to the dentist, and once for milk. Even got my shopping on line and delivered. I had been quite content during this time but thought that perhaps I should be going out more. This week I was out more but am always happy to get home.

My DH plays bowls two mornings and occasionally golf. He is also content to be home.

One day each week we have dgc.

I love....relative peace and quiet and have decided this is more 'me' and is perhaps one of the nicest and happiest times. I can more readily say...No thank you, without feeling bad.
I don't feel guilty like I used to..... Just now and again. smile

Op...try being yourself, life is easier, it is quite liberating..
Wish I'd done this many years ago.

Synonymous Sat 05-Dec-15 00:23:15

So many of us think we ought to be like other people we know and possibly admire but it would be so dull if we were all the same. Probably best to work out what it is that we ourselves really enjoy doing and do those things and we may even find a kindred spirit on the way.

I have a young friend who was on Prozac and it didn't really agree with him so with his Dr's agreement he tried St John's Wort which was a life saver for him. Always best to consult the Dr particularly if you are on other meds and anyway natural things are worth a try out.

We are not all people persons and that is quite ok. Personally I find too much socialising to be totally exhausting so don't do very much. I do just enough to ensure that I am not a recluse! grin
Have you a pet? They can be such good companions and give unconditional love - ok they do need food, walks and cuddles but what's not to like about that? smile

Learn to love yourself more and give yourself treats, hope you start to feel much better really soon. flowerscupcakebrew

rubylady Sat 05-Dec-15 02:31:06

Be yourself - everyone else is taken.

I only go out these days to hospital appointments or to the doctors, or recently I pushed the boat out and went to the dentist! lol

Due to health problems I can't commit to regular things so I have learned to give myself a break, not beat myself up, I can't help my health problems and now have to go with the flow.

I chat to people in my dad's place because I feel comfortable doing so, and on here and with delivery people bringing my e bay or tesco.

I too take antidepressants, along with other tablets, but I must say that I love now feeling comfortable in my own skin and if noone else likes me how I am now, then they can leave me to it. I have nowhere near 47 friends, not even 4 due to moving and starting again but it will build back up somehow in time but I am not worrying about it but enjoying the lull in the madness that was my life when the children were younger and I had a houseful of youngsters staying over (my son has a friend staying over tonight).

Buy some Chicken Soup for the Soul books, they will make you feel love and warmth. I started my new tradition of the Christmas one on the 1st and am enjoying the stories immensely.

daphne907 Sat 05-Dec-15 09:01:34

Many thanks everyone - I already feel better with your words of wisdom.
This has been an on and off problem for as long as I can remember. My mum suffered from depression and agoraphobia, and I had what you might call an unusual childhood - only child, mum and dad argued a lot, due to mums' illness I know now, but the general feeling was of not a happy time.
I don't like to "pin the blame" on them - it was a hard time, my mum worried about lack of money, my dad was outgoing and had friends and a social life where he worked, but mum couldn't even go out beyond our garden.
However, it undoubtedly made me who I am now, and the residue of that time is still real.

I feel so down about the world we live in - I know I can't change it. Have tried to avoid news programmes, but other half wants to see them, so sometimes I just take myself off and find something else to do.
Even my refuge of Radio 4 seems to be exclusively bad news.

I do enjoy walking with our dog - she is a great comfort and friend. Have always had a dog - when I was about 8 I would disappear for hours and just walk with my terrier.
Little things brighten my day - rainbows, clouds, blue sky!, the feeling of the wind in your face - it is like it is blowing life into my very being.

I have really taken on board that I will never be a happy person - In my heart I know that - but maybe if I accept that and appreciate the little things in life, I might not feel so alien.

Judthepud2 Sat 05-Dec-15 09:23:43

Hello Daphne907 I couldn't agree more with the other posters. I used to try to emulate others in the social stakes and would beat myself up because I didn't have loads of friends. After 2 close encounters with the Grim Reaper and considerable family problems in the last 6 years, I have begun to live for the day. Like others, I have learnt to enjoy my own company and enjoy the small things of life.

I am so sorry that you had such a difficult childhood. It must have been so difficult trying to find out how to live life and be valued as a person.

Be gentle with yourself and give yourself permission to be you. Enjoy your dog and new friends on here. Such wise people, with plenty of life experience.

((Hugs)) and flowers

KatyK Sat 05-Dec-15 09:49:24

daphne I think you might be surprised how many people feel as you do. I have never really been happy. Drunken, violent father, neglectful upbringing, never had a holiday or a day out as a child. Lots of other horrible things which I won't depress this thread with. I am 66 now and after my DH had a serious illness last year I am giving 'trying to be happy' my best shot. Not easy though. As jingl says, if the Prozac helps, stick with it. Maybe I should give it a try! smile flowers

loopylou Sat 05-Dec-15 11:07:15

I find it definitely helps if you take time to enjoy and savour the little things in life like a lovely cup of coffee, watching a ladybird wander along the windowsill, birds feeding on the bird table, the simplest of tiny things.
Life can be such a rush, try slowing down for even 15 minutes to just sit and observe.
Contentment rather than happy perhaps is something to aim for, even if it's fleeting at first.

((Hugs)) x

morethan2 Sat 05-Dec-15 19:47:04

Is anyone truly happy all the time? Most of my friends and colleagues struggle with life from time to time, even if they don't show it. Perhaps it's a female trait to 'over think things' I'm certainly guilty of that. This time of year is particularly difficult. It's dark, it's miserable it's frantically busy.
Everything we see on the media depicts perfection personified and life ( at least most people's lives) just aren't like that and a lot of us are doomed to fail if we try to live up to the hype. I used to be really sociable up to my mid 50's but I think I've run out of energy I've also lost a bit of confidence as I've got older. I've got fatter, my hair and skin aren't what they used to be. I don't suit glasses but can't see without them. I struggle to stand for any length of time because of a bit of arthritis. If I drink too much it takes days rather than hours to recover. Like most of the posts on here I'm trying my best to see the bright side of things. I'm coming to realise although slowly that I have to live for now,today and not expect too much of myself and not care too much what other people think.

loopylou Sat 05-Dec-15 20:58:29

I call it Pollyanna syndrome, totally unrealistic because life gets in the way, doesn't it?

I'm with you on this morethan2, trying to be more 'me' !