Texting birth announcements

Fully understand this in a way. My granddaughters were born locally and before the widespread use of texts and messaging so was fully aware when my dil was in labour and received the phone calls from my eldest son in the middle of the night to say the babies had arrived. Roll forward 16 years to the birth of my grandson to my youngest son 2 years ago and the experience was completely the opposite. Granted he was born on the other side of the world so we only expected the news by messaging but I was told labour had begun at 6pm our time and spent the next 9 hours completely in the dark as to what was happening. I couldn't go to bed so sat up all night and began to worry as I knew she was having an epidural that perhaps something had gone wrong. Finally at 3 am my son sent a message to say baby had arrived at 1 am. I don't know what I expected but I was quite upset that it had taken so long to let me know. What I didn't know at the time was the problems she had had and how traumatic a time they'd both had not just for the birth but afterwards too so I'm sure letting me know what probably the last thing on my son's mind. Thankfully I hadn't said anything to anyone how I felt - I put the emotions down to being tired and emotional. Congratulations on your new arrival - enjoy

rocknanny while I am sure thatbags is perfectly capable of answering for herself, I found your suggestion
or should it be THATBAG
highly offensive and unworthy.

I can fully understand someone being anxious for more news in the circumstances the OP describes. What I don't understand is the implied criticism of the son-in-law for not doing what the OP wanted and phoning her. That seems to me to be self-centred. He could have been exhausted and have gone home to sleep after the birth; that's what my husband did after the birth of Minibags. I don,t know if he even sent an email (which I had prepared earlier and which was ready to go to lots of people who would want to know the baby had arrived) to anyone before he slept or whether he sent it afterwards. The point is that positive news was given when and how it was best for the parents, which is what seems to have happened in the OP's case too.

I wouldn't think I had anything to complain about if I was in the position the OP was in. That is why my response was as it was.

This doesn't mean the grandparents shouldn't feel certain things; they will feel what they will feel. Of course they will, but they should just cope with their feelings and not complain or mentally 'blame' someone else for not doing what they wanted. That is my opinion and I'm not ashamed of it.

Thanks, alea, but no worries. I don't mind what rocknanny, or anyone else who doesn't know me, thinks of me.

I have now carefully re-read my original post and tried to understand why you might think I was implying criticism re my SIL thatbags, though nothing could be further from my mind. It is because of the complexity and sensitivity involved that I haven't raised this with my DD or him because I would never want either of them to feel upset about what happened. That is why I 'explored' my feelings about it here. I can see that they would simply not have realised the heightened anxiety the text caused.

I wrote 'FROM MY DAUGHTER' in bold, not as a further implied criticism of my SIL (truly none implied at all - he is wonderful), but because I was amazed that having been through the birth she was actually texting! And to clarify - you are not allowed to phone out from the labour ward so a text was the only option of communication there and then - although four hours had passed since the birth and this time lapse added to my concern that something had gone very wrong. And also, we had agreed that he would phone, so I thought it must be bad for him not to have left her side.

I fully accept that after the ordeal SIL needed space too - hence my not making any further enquiry for over six hours.

It is just bemusing to me that you chose to read my post so negatively.

And with a wider lens, as this is by no means an isolated incident on GN, - I simply don't get the mentality of people who feel moved to 'have a go' when people are clearly writing something that has caused them distress. Disagree by all means, but think about how you phrase it!

In that case, imperfect, I must have misunderstood this part of your post, which I thought implied criticism because he didn't do something you wanted, and possibly expected, him to do.

I have balanced this with husband not wanting to leave her side but can't help feeling that stepping outside for a few minutes and having an actual conversation earlier would have allayed a great deal of angst

Many thanks for sharing your heart and history with us. Life can be really difficult in the making and the living of it. I bet you will have helped many people who have had similar experiences. An sms does seem impersonal to me, but then our generation did things in person. Not so today.

Congratulations on becoming a grandmother and the couple on becoming parents. Who knows how the birth of a baby will be announced by the time they become grandparents! You may get to smile at that time. Meanwhile enjoy the new addition to the family.

What it boils down to is my disliking complaints about how people communicate when they are in an emotionally, physically stressful position, as new parents are. Perhaps what they choose is sometimes a severe test of our patience, but my attitude is well, so be it: my patience will be tested. Deal with it.

I apologise for 'giving it you in the neck', imperfect. There have been quite a few similar Am I Being Unreasonable threads where grandparents have complained about how their offspring informed them of the birth of a new baby. I think it is unreasonable to expect anything except to be told in a way (and when) it suits the parents.

I get where you're coming from Imperfect27 and you KNOW everything that has been mentioned here. But its nice to kind of say it out loud. It wasn't what you hoped for and I would have been as disappointed as you. And like you I would have understood.

Because I know you do.

Just sometimes our expectations are disappointed and that's hard.

You're totally allowed to complain no matter how many threads there have been about grandparents complaining. If you can't share your thoughts here - then where?

Congratulations on your new arrival - enjoy x

Although you think a 'phone call would have been more appropriate, your family evidently didn't agree. Personally it wouldn't have bothered me one bit. Our family text all the time and very rarely call. I learned of my DGS's birth by text.

Keeping you anxiously waiting was a different issue and it would also have bothered me. However, the moment has passed now. Let it go, move on, and enjoy your new arrival.

I agree with thatbags and I think rocknanny should try to be less personal in future. It is part of the etiquette of online chats.

annsixty, and (((hugs)))

Imperfect said she expected a mixed response, so shouldn't complain when she gets one!

Thanks HilaryA for your kind words.

And thanks for your further posts *thatbags" and for your apology. I am a newbie and was unaware of the history of such posts. I get what you are saying - I was surprised by my own reaction as I really am not a self-centred type. I recognise that it came from this source of deep anxiety in me.

I tend to be over-analytical

D'yer think we've done now? I posted earlier about procrastinating and this has been a big distraction for me today

Congratulations Imperfect!
I totally second everything that NanaandGrampy said.

There was a time when it would have taken a lot longer to get the information about a birth, especially if one lived some distance away. My DS2 hadn't 'discovered' texts when he phoned me at 6am to tell me his partner had delivered a 10lb 9oz son by emergency c-section. However, it didn't take me long to get onto the motorway network and get to Oxford in record time, to meet him at Mothercare, to buy second size baby clothes. I am not, by nature, a worrier and it wouldn't have been any use ringing me any sooner because there would have been nothing I could do about it. Worry is unproductive.

I filled my six hours of waiting shopping for blue balloons and a birth congrats card, buying flowers and boy- baby clothes (they hadn't known the sex of the baby) and ringing round the large extended family as it had been agreed I would do (hard to be the bearer of good news, but still not know if everything was alright) and getting a meal for my ex and visiting SS. I did not sit still wringing my hands and complaining. But I still worried. We are all different.

Tch ... I'm procrastinating again ...

If you don't use a mobile phone a lot you may not have noticed that many people no longer make calls - texting is quick + easy and a text will often get through when a live call won't. Texting is normal rather than a voice call. So it probably was just a way of sending out the message to all the GPs at once without having to repeat it.

Yes I would have been worried but I'm glad they are all OK.

"Worry is unproductive" is not entirely true actually. All of us have things we worry about, even those who claim they don't. Telling someone not to worry is the biggest joke going. If you could stop yourself worrying, believe me, you would.

Worry happens to us for a reason, although admittedly it can get out of hand. Worrying about something is the prompt to make us do something. For example, you've felt increasingly breathless lately, but you keep ignoring it. Eventually the worry takes you to the doctors.

My DS phoned to say they were on their way to hospital then silence.............. for 15 hours. As it so happened there was an emergency caesarean and things got rather chaotic.

Yes, I was wondering and increasingly word but DS is notorious for not answering texts and I didn't want to phone.

Perhaps this next time I'll know sooner because I'll be babysitting dgs1 when dgs2 decides to make an appearance!

It's rude to tell you by text, I would be equally upset. I can go one better and tell you that my daughter in law and my son informed everyone on face book they were expecting my Grandchild. I've never said anything, but if ever asked I will tell them I was deeply hurt and belive their action was crass. Enjoy your new Grandchild, put it behind you now as I have.

Just think yourself lucky that you have a grandchild!

We were babysitting dgd when DD went into hospital with Sil. Dgd had taken over 2 days to arrive so Sil was obviously expecting a long wait, however, dgs put in an appearance just 1 hour later and we got a text say "we have a baby"....

Maybe if you had had a phone call instead of a text you would now be on gransnet upset that you were phoned second/third/last! At least this way they avoided THAT trap

I agree with much that has been said. The parents would have been traumatized as the birth was not what they had planned. They would have been entirely exhausted and wrapped up in themselves and the baby. And texting is like a conversation for young people.

What struck me when my first grandchild was born is that the pecking order of the family immediately shifts. We are no longer the parents but the grandparents. Our children are now centre stage while we shuffle sideways and are confined to the back seat of the car! It takes some getting used to but most of us would agree that the benefits of grandparenthood outweigh the downsides?

Enjoy!