Texting birth announcements

No, I am not like that - I have constantly reassured my daughter not to worry about that kind of nonsense. I simply wanted to know that she was ok.

Let me just say this one last time ...

I was more than anxious when I received incomplete information by text.

I was alerted to complications, but didn't know what they were. I have lost one daughter. I nearly died when I had this DD. Reasonable of me to be worried in the circumstances.

I am not criticising my SIL - the couple had been through a traumatic experience.

I waited more than six hours to ask, again by text, if all was ok so as not to impose.

Personally - only personally mind ... I feel in this situation a text was not the best way to communicate the news - half news as it turned out. A one minute phone-call, albeit significantly later, would have been better.

Now I don't actually think that makes me self-centred, hyper-critical, selfish, or demanding ... I have never raised a word of it with my DD and SIL, it is just a pity. And YES, I am going to park it there, move on and CONTINUE to enjoy my wonderful new GS - this hasn't been a barrier to any family relationship.

When I said the OP would get a 'mixed reaction' I wasn't expecting everyone to hold the same view, but I wasn't expecting to be ticked off or become the start of disagreements between other posters.

I can think of several 'first posters' who have received unhelpful comments and haven't posted again since I joined. We are not a very good advert sometimes.

This is an internet forum and sadly people pick you up at the drop of a hat. My advice to the OP is to take the sensible advice, of which there is plenty on here, and ignore the "unhelpful". Perhaps now is the time to walk away from the thread, as you can't reason with those intent on amusing themselves by posting critical comments.

Amuse themselves?? I feel that new members should spend sometime getting to read and understand GNers before judging too soon.

If a DC was contacting me to tell me that a new GC had arrived I couldn't care less what medium they used to contact me.

I feel that some of the members posting on this thread have been quite critical of the OP. Being an established member of a forum doesn't somehow give you "special rights".

Imperfect127. People post as they feel. It's part and parcel of forums.
I'm afraid not everyone gets the 'there, there,' response they want.

The topic title is "AIBU" or "Am I being unreasonable?" Sometimes posters think that the answer to the question is "Yes"

Oh I do so sympathise with you why would your daughter and son in law not realise how important this was to you . My view is that we do not realise all this until we have got to the stage you are at now in your life . I mean when their own child does these things to them. Then it's a whole new realisation .
However you have to have had all this angst . A little thoughtfulness. On the families part would have gone along way .lots of love you will be needed if only for the housework !!!!

ginny I do not think that Imperfect's DD 'did' anything to her. I think she was probably too exhausted to think of anything but herself, her baby and her DH. And that is a normal reaction after a difficult labour.

Once our children have partners and especially once they have children of their own, surprise surprise, we are no longer the most important people in their lives.

I don't think you are doing the OP a kindness to encourage her to believe that her DD has behaved thoughtlessly - you are just encouraging her to feel badly done to.

Did this happen just overnight, Imperfect? Your first post was at 06:56am when you were tired and anxious.

You did say "however, perhaps this is a suggestion, rather than a complaint" so I don't feel you are actually blaming them, just wishing you had had more information sooner.

But it seems to me that your daughter and son-in-law were worried too, and perhaps they didn't want to contact you until they had some positive news. Their first concern was for the baby, and then for the mother. I am afraid that you (like all grandmothers) take second fiddle to those concerns.

Now that you know more, I hope you can enjoy your grandchild. You don't tell us whether it was a girl or a boy? Is it your first?

Petra, I don't expect everyone to agree, sympathise or empathise, but I think it reasonable to expect posters to be polite. To say this is just the way forums run is actually no defence for being rude.

Elegran, I was indeed asking a question and therefore to answer 'yes' is fine. I just seem to have provoked a lot of irritation / exasperation which was unexpected and, I feel, uncalled for.

There have been some very well expressed and well qualified 'yeses' in answer to my OP - no problem with that and I truly value having the 'other side' pointed out to me as I can be a bit blind to this at times and I am very much in that period of adjusting relationships at present. It is just the way things are expressed at times that I have found a problem.

annsixty, as others have commented, this is not a well sign-posted site and some discussions are not headed clearly so it is easy to double up on topics at times.

As a newbie I have read some posts extensively and have taken pains to try not to be insensitive or thoughtless. I haven't gone very far beyond live topics last 24 hours and blogs, otherwise I would be reading all day every day, but I have learned to check date of last post and I don't fire off responses. I stop and think about who I am addressing and what the impact of what I write is likely to be. We are operating in a public forum and we are interacting with real people with real feelings.

I am really saddened today that what started as an interested question has led to some unpleasantness. There are so many lovely people here and this site is a fantastic resource that should not be making anyone feel diminished.

This was 4 weeks ago Elegran

I asked because it semed like an immediate reaction caused by the stress and worry of those hours, which can seem like days when you are waiting for information. I hope that you can recover from them and forget your hurt, as your daughter recovers from her ordeal and it fades from her memory.

Hi Elegran, a gorgeous little boy and yes, my first grandchild.

He was born early in January and a lot of water has passed since then, - he is very loved and I feel like a welcomed and involved granny.

It was a very traumatic event for my DD and SIL, but they are both besotted and already talking positively of having another one!!!

I posted because the event was still playing on my mind and I can see I didn't post very coherently - probably because I was upset about being upset if that makes sense?! I am close to my DD and I know she would be horrified to think I was so upset at the time. It was just an unfortunate chain of events really. However, all is now well.

I love the term 'second fiddle' and it is so true - I think it is a big learning curve as we suddenly find ourselves in the back seat and I do check myself all the time to make sure I am not putting my foot in it by making assumptions or overstepping, even though things are good ...

I still think that rocknanny owes thatbags and annsixty an apology.

janeainsworth, please don't worry - I did not interpret the post that way and could never be encouraged to think ill of my daughter . I have not felt 'badly done to' by anyone - just the ills of modern technology. I am fascinated to try to imagine how our children's children will announce new arrivals to them tho

Apparently when I was born 62 years ago on Thurs my aunt, who lived 80 miles away, only found out when someone in our town saw the announcement in the local paper and wrote to tell her She and my mum were very close but no one even had a phone back then!

When I was born 71 years ago my father was eventually told where he was living in a tomb in Italy. He was a Doctor in the RAMC and I'm told there was a war on!

Understand how you feel. DC and their partners aren't yet aware how parents worry, though. They will always be our children, and we'll never stop worrying. They are about to start learning, but it will be years before the penny fully drops ie as in when their DC are adults! Too late for us!

They will always be our children, and we'll never stop worrying.

Well adjusted middle-aged adults do not need me to worry about them. In fact, I believe the tables are turning!

They will always be our children, and we'll never stop worrying.

Well adjusted middle-aged adults do not need me to worry about them. In fact, I believe the tables are turning!

They will always be our children, and we'll never stop worrying.

Well adjusted middle-aged adults do not need me to worry about them. In fact, I believe the tables are turning!

They will always be our children, and we'll never stop worrying.

Well adjusted middle-aged adults do not need me to worry about them. In fact, I believe the tables are turning!

They will always be our children, and we'll never stop worrying.

Well adjusted middle-aged adults do not need me to worry about them. In fact, I believe the tables are turning!

They will always be our children, and we'll never stop worrying

Well adjusted, middle-aged adults do not need me to worry about them. We are equals, though, in fact, I suspect that they might begin to worry about me!