When my daughter was expecting her baby, we had agreed that her husband would phone us when the baby had arrived. This arrangement superseded others. We had started with me being asked to be the second birthing partner (much to my surprise as I had never expected to be involved), with the expectation that I would be sitting outside the labour ward and invited in as soon as was practical once baby had arrived. This changed as they decided to opt for a home birth and decided they wanted the privacy - totally understood (and quite relieved). In the event, baby was 17 days late and when yet another text arrived on my mobile my first thought was 'Who else is pestering to see if baby has arrived yet?'
I was therefore surprised and shocked to find a text FROM MY DAUGHTER announcing the arrival of her newborn. It was quite formally written ' Proud to announce' - with the full name and weight of the baby and the paragraph ended with 'congratulations grandparent' - so a text that was sent to all grandparents (I am divorced from her father). A second paragraph informed me that there had been some complications (didn't say what) and she was not yet on a visitor ward and SIL would phone later to update about visiting.
I responded by texting back amazed congratulations and ended with saying 'Now rest!' - hated the sterility of this - and then the wait began for more information. Hours ticked by, during which my mind was racing ... the fact that she had the baby in hospital meant things had gone wrong as she was planning a home birth ... the fact that there were 'complications' and she wasn't yet on a visitor ward and needed monitoring - I began to wonder if she had had to have a caesarean ...
It was a long time before I got more information. She had had a bad time and lost a lot of blood, but a 'normal' birth. I had waited 6 hours before texting her husband to say could I visit briefly as I was so anxious about her and then another hour before she rang to say 'Yes, come up.' (I live an hour/15 mins away).
I have balanced this with husband not wanting to leave her side, but can't help feeling that stepping outside for a few minutes and having an actual conversation earlier would have allayed a great deal of angst. I also know I was probably extra anxious because I have lost a daughter and I had a very difficult first delivery and was at risk myself and I had been very fearful for my DD as she is same build / height etc. and baby was not in a good position ...
I know that as a couple they had gone through the mill - however, perhaps this is a suggestion, rather than a complaint - I just don't think a text was the right way to be informed ... a phonecall would have been so much more helpful.
It has taken me four weeks to articulate this - I just think I was so shocked and stressed by how it all unfolded. If there is another baby one day, I think I need to ask SIL to phone next time!
