Phone accident.

I'm still not convinced the damage was caused by 'tripping over'.

He wouldn't be the first teenager to deliberately break a phone in order to wangle an upgrade out of an exasperated parent.

It's called tough love. The best thing you could do for him. Harder on you than him.
If he had shown remorse or apologised than you can rethink the situation. But I wouldn't rush into making everything better.

His dad left. He has been without the all important male role model, as well as the security that a loving dad brings. That is not his fault.

You can keep taking him to water Rublady. You have to. IMO.

Just a thought. If it is just the screen that got broken, it may be possible to get it repaired. If not, replace it for him, one way or another. That is actually the sort of practical love he needs right now. The rest of the good parenting psychobabble can go where it belongs. Out the window.

For some reason I think he loves you.
I dont think he would keep saying he doesnt otherwise. Does he blame himself for his dad leaving? Or you?

I would find out from the insurance company too, as FarNorth says.

He sounds a very very angry man. Was the counselling about his anger?
His anger needs to come out.
Boxing, and a punch bag at home comes to mind.

If my son or daughter asked me, not insisted, to make a claim in similar circumstances, I would find out from the company if there would be any cost to me, before deciding.
If they took the attitude your son has, tho, I would not make a claim and would explain to them why.

It seems the situation is much bigger than this one incident, tho, and your son is not taking responsibility for himself in any way.
You do not relish the prospect of him being hit by real life like a tonne of bricks, but that is probably just what he needs.

ruby you've been so strong so far, don't give in to this bullying anymore. There's a limit to everything.
Look after yourself, your health is important.

Your last comment could be right, rubylady.

Rubylady , I am so sorry for all that you have been through in your life , having an alchoholic Mum must be the worst thing that could happen to any child .
I would not claim mainly because it seems like he is subjecting you to emotional blackmail and using violence to get his own way ( smashing the door up) Is there anyone you could call on to help you with him?

If you do claim then what will be the next thing he wants you to claim for . For his sake just try to stand firm xxxx

My son has a mental health issue and could lose his temper very easily at 18. for some time I put up with this - thinking it would get better and I was helping him by being tolerant ... However, I worked out that he controlled his temper for others, just not for me. I waited for a 'calm after the storm moment ' when he had yet again screamed in my face, thrown something at me and thumped a door ... and then said that if he behaved like that again I would call the police. I told him it was abusive and I wouldn't have it under my roof. It didn't happen again.

Or has the apple not fallen far from the tree?

I wouldn't have dared speak to my parents like he speaks to me and I had them taking chunks out of each other, literally, my mum was an alcoholic, my dad had an affair, my brother died at 12 hours old, my sister was born when I was 15, had heart surgery at 7 days old and nearly died, I looked after her because my mum wouldn't. God, he's had such a cushy life in comparison. Yes, his dad left. I wish mine had. I wish my mum had put us first and not alcohol or the guy she was knocking off! But no, appearances were more important to stay in our "own" home intead of council. To be going to bed every night with my fingers in my ears to blot out their rows, to be dragged downstairs and forced to listen to them, to have the door booted open at all hours to be included or for a fight with my mum because she had drank too much. To do all this while trying to keep schoolwork going and work too. God, how I would have loved to have had the peace my home has had because there isn't rows going on. I got away, I took them to a council house but at least they didn't have to see their dad headbutting their mum anymore and throttling her, which is what he did. Why doesn't my son think about how he should be grateful I have given him peace and somewhere quiet to study to do well in his life? Why doesn't he think that he doesn't and wouldn't want a man in his life who can headbutt his wife?
Why doesn't my son think anything of me at all when I have tried my bloody hardest against an extremely hard upbringing of my own? I just don't know. But I do know I have had enough of all of them and I need to recover and quickly before my health deteriorates too badly.

Thanks to all and I do understand where you are all coming from.

I have tried to give him the security he needs and has needed, gosh, home schooling for 4 years, going into schools to try to sort out severe bullying, being there for him when others aren't (his dad and his sister), trying to understand how he feels when he does talk, trying to get counselling for him only for him to lie to the counsellors. I can't keep taking him to water only for him not to drink. He has to start taking some responsibility on for himself or he will leave for university and it will hit him like a tonne of bricks, being with others who have learned what goes on in the real world. He has had everything he has ever wanted, materialistically, he's wanted for nothing but tells me I have done nothing and he has nothing.

I know young people may be different now but I left home at 21 years old to get married. I was working at 15 years old and was nursing at 18 years old. My son has never had a job, not even a paper round, he wont. He says he has applied for them online but won't get off his backside and go and look for one. He still expects handouts. His sister was working by his age, giving me keep and looking after her brother too while I worked. My son puts the bins out once a week - if he remembers. I am not a walking wallet. I had that with my daughter when she left home, always wanting me to fork out for this and that even though I was then on benefits, while her and her partner had full time jobs. One bitten, twice shy. I have to think for myself as my son says once he leaves he never wants to see me ever again. Now why should I put a claim on my insurance with someone who says that? Would I do it for anyone else or do I have to give all my soul just because I gave birth to an ungrateful grabbing taker who hates me, clearly.

You're plainly right jingl

He does need parenting and that means showing him right from wrong and helping him understand how it works in the real world .

Not by fixing things for him in this instance . He chose not to insure his property -this is the consequence . Best he learns from people that love him because the real world can be a lot crueler than your Mum .

That reaction is simply not acceptable.
Perhaps, if he was my son, and had come to me and asked, not insisted, that I claim on the house insurance, I may have considered it. DD had to claim £300 for something which was stolen when she was about the same age, she was overseas and had travel insurance but the travel and household insurance companies paid up half each (don't ask me why).
We didn't lose our no claims discount.

Some young people need parenting for longer than others. It depends on a lot of things.

I would never allow a thing like a small insurance claim to cause the upset this has obviously caused.

Have you got insurance for items when they are away from home? It might be that it is not covered and then the decision would be taken out of your hands.

Just asked DH for the male point of view and he agrees - definitely don't claim yourself. Is he a student or working? Does he contribute to the household? No doubt he considers himself to be grown up now is the time to behave like an adult. Perhaps you could sit down with him and help him work out how he can finance a replacement himself.

rubylady I had to specifically list my mobile phone, otherwise it wouldn't be covered. I don't know if it's the same with all insurances.

If you can claim on your insurance, I don't know why you wouldn't. Perhaps he has been a bit irresponsible with money in the past but that's probably fairly typical of a lot of young people.

Of course, he shouldn't break doors or say horrible things to you but perhaps he felt hurt that you wouldn't even attempt to make a claim. I wouldn't think a relatively small claim in a history of non-claiming would make a great deal of difference to the price when you come to renew your insurance. If you were in the habit of making claims it would be different.

I don't think I'd put in a claim for £250. I'd be worried about what a claim would do to my premiums, unless you've got some kind of no claims protection and even then I read the small print carefully.

If you feel like helping him out, buy a 2nd hand phone from eBay until he can afford to buy the phone he wants. Or check out some of the big store outlets like Argos and Tesco on eBay where they sell their returns and refurbished products. Both our smart phones and my two tablets have been from there and they all look brand new. They also come with guarantees and I did have a problem with my first tablet that was dealt with very quickly, so there's no risk involved. If money is a problem for you, maybe you could offer to pay half.

He's learning a hard lesson, but you are close so you know you can cope with this once he's calmed down rubylady.

He very much is an adult Jingl

He can fight in a war zone, vote, get married.

But quite frankly that behaviour should not be tolerated from anybody. That doesn't mean the OP should stop loving him but sometimes a little tough love is necessary. Otherwise what next --- no milk for his cereal so he hits her??

Giving him love and support is one thing, but giving in to his demands is quite another. This isn't the first time he's kicked off. He'll never learn how to behave if he just gets his own way all the time and never has to consider other people's feelings.

Did he really trip and fall though?

I suspect a desired upgrade could be behind it all.

You should not claim on your house insurance because the insurance will go up next year, even for small claims and no other company will entertain insuring you for 5 years. That is what happened to me.

He behaved like a spoiled brat and has to learn to grow up. I would leave him to it, he has to learn the hard way.

Sorry to be blunt, but Rubylady has put it all out there.