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Was feeling a bit miffed.

(178 Posts)
jinglbellsfrocks Sun 28-Feb-16 22:22:18

Today DH and I took ourselves up to elder DD's house, about hour and a half journey. Took them all out for nice Sunday lunch to celebrate DD's birthday. Made and took with us a big chocolate birthday cake and other bits and pieces for tea, chocolate for the grandkids, etc. Took her some pretty nice presents which she was very pleased with. And then she tells me she won't be coming to visit next Sunday for Mothers Day. Not that they're going to son-in-laws' Mum's house, or anything like that. Just obviously doesn't want the bother of it.

I got a bit down in the car on the way home. Felt a bit unloved, and decided she was a selfish little so-and-so. But I thought it over during the journey and I have decided to say "sod it", and not care, or think about it anymore.

I think. "Oh fuck it" is going to be my new mantra from now on.

baubles Sun 28-Feb-16 22:29:17

Do this then have some cupcake

jinglbellsfrocks Sun 28-Feb-16 22:30:54

Oh yes! The good old Fuckit Bucket. I had forgotten about that. grin Will do.

merlotgran Sun 28-Feb-16 22:33:02

I don't blame you for feeling miffed, jingl. About ten years ago our three would have been practically fighting eachother to do the honours on Mother's Day but now I keep my fingers crossed I'll get cards. I think it's all down to the fact that child care is no longer needed in the holidays because all the DGCs are now teenagers.

But......Yesterday DD1 asked if we'd like her to do lunch for us next Sunday seeing as it's Mother's Day. I eagerly accepted and said I would really look forward to it but she spoiled the moment by adding, 'Actually I'm working away on Saturday so I might have to stay the night in which case I won't get back in time.' hmm

I also feel like saying. 'Fuck it'

rosesarered Sun 28-Feb-16 23:35:31

ah, the old' Mothers Day' problem, it rears it's head every year.If we are doing things to help our grown up children, then they should give a bit of thought to us.However, they are Mothers themselves [usually] and would enjoy a bit of spoiling , and they also have a MIL to placate as well, so I try and cut them some slack.
If they live far away, then they can't always get to see you, and even if they are local, as long as they pop in with a card and a few flowers that's nice.There is little excuse for not even posting a card mind you.

cornergran Mon 29-Feb-16 00:22:12

Think there's something about lack if sensitivity that has me reaching for that bucket. Out today with DIL who was busily asking my opinion on things she was considering for her Mum. All things were personal and had meaning. Did my best to be a neutral sounding board. Not sure I will see their family on 'the day' although they live 20 minutes away. Present? Possibly before it after but nothing with thought behind it. That's the part that has me reaching for the bucket. Life I guess but just once to feel real thought behind a small gift would nake such a difference. Oh dear. Sounding hard done by. Not really the case but just sometimes it feels like it.

kittylester Mon 29-Feb-16 06:24:30

But our daughters/daughters in law are mothers now - it's their day! So long as I get a card and/or a small present, I'm happy. I shall have a peaceful day, cook something nice and go and visit my Mum.

Gagagran Mon 29-Feb-16 06:57:10

Being taken for granted seems to be the lot of Grandparents but we have probably caused that ourselves.

We are on hand whenever needed, we try hard not to be demanding, we have nurtured and even indulged our DC and now their own DC, so it has become the norm for them to focus on themselves and their DC and not bother too much about us. I think/hope they love us but they really don't think it necessary to bother too much because they are confident of our devotion.

I shall probably get flowers and a card from DD but nothing from DS and that has to just be accepted as the norm. Sad but true.

Imperfect27 Mon 29-Feb-16 07:15:22

Jings, what a lovely celebration you created for your DD and family.

Things are slightly different for me as I have come through my own birthday weekend but with sons in attendance, flowers, cards and gifts and phonecall and sent gift from DD who would have come except the family car had engine trouble - but lots of loving attention for me all round. However, I now look ahead to Mothering Sunday and think it unlikely that I will see 2 out of 3. My local son may come round. I feel I had a lovely visit this weekend and that will have to do me! I don't think we are wrong to hope for a wee bit of attention on MS, but over the years I have been surprised at times at how much that has mattered - even after significant spoiling when it falls close to my birthday.

However, it will be my DD's first occasion as a mum and I would far rather she enjoyed it the way she wants to, probably therefore at home or maybe with her SIL's family as they are local to her. I will try not to mind too much!!!

Anya Mon 29-Feb-16 07:23:48

That's a bit of a bummer jingl I'd be a bit miffed too.

Thanks baubles I've just realised I have one of those buckets's been filled to the brim this weekend grin

Imperfect27 Mon 29-Feb-16 07:32:12

Oh dear Anya sad My bucket tends to be needed for politicians the most - well used of late because of the ridiculous Trump and parliamentary 'school boy' debates.

I'm only just entering that three -way tug of the generations for any special occasion...

Teetime Mon 29-Feb-16 07:38:35

Both my daughters are mothers themselves and regard the day as theirs. They always send a gift but I haven't had a visit on Mother's Day in years and don't expert it. My mother when alive would have hollered blue murder and sulked for weeks if she wasn't put first so I'm not sinking to her level. DH offers to take me out for lunch hoping I will say no as the restaurants are all crowded and the service goes off when they are too busy so we will go out the following week.

thatbags Mon 29-Feb-16 07:39:23

If I expected anything from my kids on that day of commercial ripping-off, mothers' (mother's?) day, then I would be the one who was doing the taking for granted. Of one's kids show appreciation of one's parenting efforts love and kindness ordinarily, why the need for a totally blown out of proportion special day?

It's a piece of nonsense.

thatbags Mon 29-Feb-16 07:40:01

It's overblown silly expectations that cause the anguish. Nothing else.

morethan2 Mon 29-Feb-16 07:40:13

I agree with Gagagran views and I'm getting too long in the tooth to be
arsed bothered. Here's some flowers for us all. They love us reallywink

thatbags Mon 29-Feb-16 07:40:52


Welshwife Mon 29-Feb-16 08:02:38

I am most unlikely to see either DS or DD as we all live in different countries. This is the case every year now - it does not mean anything in fact as each of these countries has a different date for Mother's Day. It is likely I will receive a card from each - ( arrival days will differ!) which I always treasure - but I always say to them not to worry about it. I am just so happy that we still have a loving relationship and have great times together when we do meet up. I speak to them or have messages on a daily or weekly basis - (working and time difference play a part here) - FaceTime is wonderful and they keep me up to date with what is going on in their lives and they want to know how things are with me. Caring is what matters. flowers

janeainsworth Mon 29-Feb-16 08:19:04

Totally agree with you Bags.
I shall continue the family tradition of completely ignoring Mother's Day.
It seems sad that a special occasion historically for the benefit of mothers whose daughters were in service and who saw each other only once a year has become the vehicle for business to make huge profits, daughters to feel guilty and mothers disappointed when their unrealistic expectations are not met.
I don't expect my DD who lives 300 miles away to make a special trip - she was here last week for half term.
I shall invite my DD who lives locally for dinner, but that's because we see them roughly on alternate Sundays anyway. I shall issue strict instructions that she isn't to buy me anything for Mother's Day.
DS lives in the US and Mothering Sunday completely passes him by. Now and again though he does thoughtful things and that's all that matters.

janeainsworth Mon 29-Feb-16 08:21:33

Crossed posts welshwife. Agree with you too.

Nelliemoser Mon 29-Feb-16 08:48:54

Just a card and a phone call will do me. My nearest child and a mummy herself is 50 long miles away and she could well be working that day.
My son is the wrong side of the M25 and over 120 miles away. They usually do remember a card or a phone call.

Nelliemoser Mon 29-Feb-16 08:52:12

I agree with the dislike of the commercialisation of all these "celebration days" That all it is. It's got far worse over the years.

NanaandGrampy Mon 29-Feb-16 08:56:43

Its a tricky one because I would enjoy a bit of fuss but having spent years telling the kids not to waste their money on me , I'm reaping what I sew.

I might see one DD and family and if I do then I'll get a card and something handmade from the little ones which suits me fine. My other DD who lives close by too may or may not bother.

For me , I'd settle for tea and cake all together for a couple of hours but as others have mentioned, they are both Mums now and there are 2 other MiL who need attending to.

One of whom has made it quite plain - its her day , she expects 'good' gifts not a token, a card and visit and possibly to be taken out to lunch. She feels they 'owe' her.

Now that's the MiL I dont want to be smile

annsixty Mon 29-Feb-16 08:59:11

No expectations from me either, very unlikely I will see family, unlike my own mother who issued a 3line whip and f as the only child I did it all.

ffinnochio Mon 29-Feb-16 09:06:24

Welshwife Your situation almost exactly mirrors mine (I have two sons) and also agree with your sentiments.

It's good to have some hopes, plans and expectations, but I make sure they are my own and are realistic, and not dictated to by mass marketing or what society sees fit!

jinglbellsfrocks Mon 29-Feb-16 09:07:46

Thank you for the replies. I hope you all get cards at the very least. flowers and cupcake for those who don't. smile

I think this website could do with a Fuckit Bucket forum. smile Somewhere we could all dump little troubles, and feel better for it.