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AIBU

Was feeling a bit miffed.

(179 Posts)
jinglbellsfrocks Sun 28-Feb-16 22:22:18

Today DH and I took ourselves up to elder DD's house, about hour and a half journey. Took them all out for nice Sunday lunch to celebrate DD's birthday. Made and took with us a big chocolate birthday cake and other bits and pieces for tea, chocolate for the grandkids, etc. Took her some pretty nice presents which she was very pleased with. And then she tells me she won't be coming to visit next Sunday for Mothers Day. Not that they're going to son-in-laws' Mum's house, or anything like that. Just obviously doesn't want the bother of it.

I got a bit down in the car on the way home. Felt a bit unloved, and decided she was a selfish little so-and-so. But I thought it over during the journey and I have decided to say "sod it", and not care, or think about it anymore.

I think. "Oh fuck it" is going to be my new mantra from now on.

Badenkate Mon 29-Feb-16 09:09:11

Totally agree with those who think it's become totally commercialised. I've always told my 2DSs that I would be annoyed if they sent commercially produced cards making money from all of the 'special days' we're supposed to have these days or flowers etc at such inflated prices. I treasured homemade cards from when they were small or those from DGC .

I also don't expect them to make long journeys to see me on Mother's Day which would either involve them taking me out to crowded restaurants, or me cooking a meal. But what I do know is that if I ever need them to, then both of them and their wives would move heaven and earth to come to me - and that's my year long Mother's Day gift!

jinglbellsfrocks Mon 29-Feb-16 09:10:02

Thanks again Baubles. smile Your post last night really made me feel better. cupcake

Maranta Mon 29-Feb-16 09:31:25

There is an advert on ITV at the moment, suggesting giving an implement for removing the hard skin off your feet as a present for Mother's Day! It comes in pink and blue. Surely they are joking!?

jinglbellsfrocks Mon 29-Feb-16 09:36:38

grin I think we just need a hard skin full stop these days. hmm

Stansgran Mon 29-Feb-16 09:49:11

Yes to commercial rubbish but I wouldn't refuse a card. I'm pushing for making a simple Simnel cake and eating it all by myself and celebrating Mothering Sunday in memory of my mother.

Anya Mon 29-Feb-16 09:51:03

Getting beneath the commercialism, which we all agree is OTT, this is up to individual families to decide how to celebrate Mothering Sunday. It's not a new event. In days gone by daughters would bake a Simnel Cake for mothers, and just because they are mothers themselves it doesn't mean that their own mother is now redundant.

We do celebrate this as we always get together for a family meal. The son and SiL cook the meal and my OH provides a pudding. But we're lucky as we all live so close.

If jingl is used to having a visit on Mothers' Day and suddenly it doesn't hapoen, that's unexpected, so naturally she's a bit 'miffed'. It's quite a mild expression 'miffed' so she's chosen her words with care (as always!)

Lona Mon 29-Feb-16 10:03:27

jingsgrin
I always tell my two not to worry about 'occasions', and they are both loving and thoughtful most of the time anyway. My DD will be driving her dd to an athletic meeting in Sale about half an hour away, so hopes to pop in and have a brew with me, and my ds, who lives round the corner, may have dgd for the weekend, so I'm sure I'll see them.
It doesn't matter really because I know they appreciate me and all I do for them.
I'm very lucky sunshine

annodomini Mon 29-Feb-16 10:22:47

I long ago realised that the mothers in my family are now my DiLs and they are the ones who should be honoured on Mothers' Day. They work hard day in day out at demanding jobs and have managed (along with my DSs) to bring up my lovely GC. I feel I should be sending them cards.

M0nica Mon 29-Feb-16 10:23:43

It is nice to get a card on Mother's Day, but otherwise I am not bothered. It is all the signs of love and affection I get from my children the rest of the year that really matter.

trisher Mon 29-Feb-16 10:33:56

I will get cards and probably flowers, but I didn't realise and I have booked an event for the afternoon so I won't be home!!! Does this make me a bad mother? Oh and I have at some point to deliver pressie and card to my own mum!

Phoebes Mon 29-Feb-16 10:46:57

Had a lovely Mother's Day card from daughter in New York this morning with 'Lots of love' and six kisses, so feel very blessed!

Wilks Mon 29-Feb-16 11:08:36

I don't get anything from my 2 on Mothering Sunday and I've only recently sent cards to my own mother as it seems important to her. I'm not one for being told when to celebrate so why do I feel a bit neglected when I see Facebook photos of other mothers enjoying meals out? They give me lovely surprise during the year as I do my own mother, so I must ignore this emotional manipulation by those with commercial interests.

Wilks Mon 29-Feb-16 11:09:36

Actually, I didn't realise Mothering Sunday is approaching. Here it is in May.

luluaugust Mon 29-Feb-16 11:18:14

DS taking me for a meal Saturday evening with Dil and GC and can then have Sunday to themselves which seems a good compromise to me. DD's usually send a card so I hope they remember this year...

lizh Mon 29-Feb-16 11:48:32

My answer is to host, and cook and slave, Mother's Day lunch. It at least gets all 3 children together, DS (without DiL) coming 300 miles - has not long moved up north. Hard work, but I get the family and flowers if I'm lucky! Do wonder if they will ever see each other when we have departed into the sky and no longer providing lunches?

mancgirl Mon 29-Feb-16 11:51:19

Now I don't have the f word in my vocabulary - well only in my head - but I love the Fuckit Bucket term! There will be lots going in there! I'm quite lucky re mothers day. My son's partner is having her first mothers day so he is arranging a lunch for her parents, hubby and me and them. Number 2 son and girlfriend will probably also come too but her mum lives about an hour away so not sure what she will do this year. As the family expands it's not going to be easy to please all the mums involved. I will try to take each mums day as it comes and try not to sulk if I don't see my son's on future Mothers days. But I would feel like jinglebellfrocks too if that happened. . So hurrah for the Fuckit Bucket!

jinglbellsfrocks Mon 29-Feb-16 12:04:43

I have to be honest. It won't be all misery. Other daughter will come and cook the dinner for me, and I'm pretty sure son will pop back home for the weekend - informing me at the the last minute, as is his usual wont. hmm wink

When we do have joint Mothers Days I always make sure DD1 is included as being a mum too. I feel strongly that it is her day as much as mine. And she is an excellent mum. smile

jinglbellsfrocks Mon 29-Feb-16 12:05:41

I'm gonna make a really nice cake and send her a photo to show what she's missing.

#evilplan

TheMaggiejane1 Mon 29-Feb-16 12:11:02

When my children were very young (as in too young to do anything about Mothers' Day without adult help) my, now thankfully ex, husband used to tell me 'you're not my mother' and wouldn't even offer me a cup of tea in bed, never mind a card/present. Now that my sons are adults I'm very proud of them when they take their wives out for Mothers' Day, it's how it should be. This year I offered to cook lunch at our house as my daughter is working most of the day and DIL has just had a baby. They both accepted the invite but I made it clear I wouldn't be offended if they didn't come. My oldest son lives almost 3 hours away and it would be mad to expect him to drag his family all that way for a day. We get too easily annoyed at not being the centre of people's lives nowadays, if you don't get a card or a visit it doesn't mean they hate you, just that something else was at the forefront of their busy minds at that time!

gillyknits Mon 29-Feb-16 12:11:23

I do agree with kittylester.I am happy just to have a card as acknowledgement of the day. Last year I happened to mention that I missed hearing my Son singing and playing guitar( only in his bedroom). On Mother's day I received a C.D. of him singing and at the end, my four year old GD sang too! The best presents aren't always expensive.

baNANAGran3 Mon 29-Feb-16 12:11:44

Well said mancgirl, I too don't use the f word, was beginning to feel a bit old fashioned. Love the Bucket idea (can't even write the first word - what's wrong with me?!) Actually I'm just going to do it - here - we go - THE FUCKIT BUCKET!!! Whoooooo oooooooo

We'll solve the problem by meeting up in between houses and having lunch out as there are three mothers involved and it's a day of no cooking for all. (I do realise that perhaps not everyone can do this). I note that it's DD and DDIL that have organised this, no men involved (in the organising that is).

LesleyC Mon 29-Feb-16 12:12:34

Sorry, but you just had a lovely day with your family who live an hour and a half away and you think it reasonable that you should do it all over again at your house on Sunday? My daughter lives 4000 miles away so forgive me if I have little sympathy.

mancgirl Mon 29-Feb-16 12:18:51

baNANAGran3 Ooh get us - having a swearing moment! At least in text! I hope everyone has a lovely mother's day. If not with our children then spoil yourself - feet up, nice film, box of chocs and magazines!

NonnaW Mon 29-Feb-16 12:22:22

Don't always get a card, but No 2 son has taken it upon himself to send flowers on behalf of all 3DS's for several years now. Being the caring person he is, for the last couple of years he has also sent flowers to my sister (not a mum, but a favourite aunty to all her nieces & nephews).

Squaredancer Mon 29-Feb-16 12:32:53

We never have made a big fuss of Mother's Day, just a card and maybe a few flowers is lovely. I see my daughter and grandchildren often and I don't need a special day to know how much I am appreciated. My son is currently working abroad so not expecting a card unless daughter-in-law thinks about me, but won't be offended as they lead such busy lives and I know we shall be seeing them all soon. Don't get offended, that's life and as long as your family is still communicating with each other that's something to be grateful for.