Was feeling a bit miffed.

I have totally given up on caring whether it's called Mothering Sunday or Mothers Day. I used to feel strongly about the Sunday name but these days - who really cares? We all know what the day means.

I have no idea what might be happening on Sunday and am not at all concerned about it. I know they will be thinking of me in their own busy ways and there is likely to be a card or two. These trumped up commercialised celebrations can be a real pain and just lead to disappointment and unrealistic expectations.

downtoearth I wonder if E is now at an age to start realising what you have done for her. You have stepped in and been a mother to her. Is there any way you could gently hint that a bit of love shown towards you on Mothers Day wouldn't go amiss?

Both DDs have offered to take me out for a meal, and we're away for the weekend - bad timing! . DS won't have given it a thought yet, but I expect I'll get a present and card from each.

I'm always puzzled as to why the greetings card industry is accused of exploitation simply for supplying the cards people want to buy. Isn't that what they're there for? It's like complaining about bakers making bread. And you can buy three decent cards for less than the price of a loaf, if you want (as I keep reminding my DS)

I am going to DD2s home and both other daughters will be there along with my two DGS. One GS just 5 weeks old and being bf. The other is with his Mum this w/end (parents divorced ). Daughters will cook lunch and I expect there will be flowers and cards. I'm pretty sure their SOs will have made sure they have a treat too.

DH will go to his Mothers and will treat her to lunch.

Some people think it strange that DH is not with me. We have always worked it like this even when my Mum was alive. All Mums have their children with them if possible and no one feels left out.

Fathers Day is arranged the same way.

sorry jingle have overtaken your thread.....have had my say....lets get back to happier sadnessxx .....love the fuckit bucket....my saying is fuckem all

Hi BK yes had all sorts of counselling and pshycotherapy due to the nature of the death,we have been warned as she matures at each life stage,this will occur.we started a new chapter as she started college,mixing with different friends and seeing the relationship between mothers and daughters.x

Downtoearth, I'm really sorry to read your terrible story and feel desperately sad for you and E. Not knowing all the facts, I wondered if E had had any outside help and counselling?

Firstly I apologise to MOnica for snapping at her.
I dont see my son on mothering sunday,he will be in bed after night shift,I have no expectation on mothers day,I know he loves me,and shows it in lots of small ways,we text and speak,and I treat mothers day (although painful and sad) as any other day.I do find it hard to manage E'S anger and sadness surrounding mothers day,when I have born the brunt of her lashing out verbally over the years as she has struggled to understand how she feels,especially as the other parent is the one responsible for Kate's death.
In the past we have released balloons,so I am constantly reminded of what is missing,and not being the mum she desperatley feels cheated of at each stage of her life,at 4 she had little understanding,despite having witnessed everything,she is now 17 and at each stage of maturing has come to a new realisation of all that means.
I will be at my oldest friends with E at the weekend,and I wouldnt be human if I didnt feel deep sadness at witnessing her receiving her cards and gifts and be deeply envious of thatxx

downtoearth and all mothers who have lost a child and those who grieve their mums
It is a day when we are sensitised to our losses and it can feel very difficult as we are reminded of the gaps in our lives ...

I don't want my other children to feel they need to somehow compensate me on that day, though it is a comfort to see them then.

We are from a churched background and haven't bought into the commercialism beyond a bunch of flowers and a modest card, often homemade as it is increasingly difficult to buy one that says Mothering Sunday. And I notice even the price of a simple bunch of daffodils has trebled in the supermarket this week ...

For me, it is more about simply being around my children if practicalities allow. I always made a point of seeing my mum on or near the day.

My favourite MS memory is when there was an unexpected knock on the door just before lunch. There was DD1, aged 19, on a surprise visit from Southampton Uni. She said 'I knew there would be plenty of roast dinner!' So very lovely to know she wanted to be at home and that she could completely take for granted our Sunday routine!

Downtoearth (((hugs))) and

downtoearth are you sure it wouldn't be better to just treat Mothers Day like any other day, without celebrating it, or even mentioning it? As others have said on this thread, it isn't celebrated by everyone anymore.

I know it can be a very sad day for many people, and I sympathise fully with anyone in that awful situation. for all with sadness at this time.

I think it's unfair to confront posters with a situation they can know nothing about, and then criticise when they respond in a fairly innocuous manner.

downtoearth and ((hugs))

Unfortunately mOnicathere are no other children that E knows in her situation,and even if there where it is HER mother she is grieving for and missing at every stage of her life.I will tell her that other children are also missing their mothers I am sure that will make her feel a whole lot better
Essentially I have a mothers role,I am her maternal grandmother,she knew her mother until the age of 4,it is my daughter that we both miss on this day,Irrational maybe painful none the less,I am sure when I tell her that other children are in the same position will make her feel a whole lot better.we as a family deal with my daughters death very well considering it was a suspicious death,I am saying as a mother that for me and my granddaughter we find mothers day painful

My brother calls these made up celebrations such as Grandparents Day "Hallmark holidays". Like others I hate the way Mothering Sunday or "Mum's Day" as I have seen it labelled this year, has been so commercialised, but I still think the basic premise of acknowledgement is a good one. I prefer to cook rather than go out for a rubbish, noisy restaurant lunch and extend an invitation to any of my offspring who are able to come. No three line whip, no sulks if nobody comes, just a (hopefully) pleasant family lunch.

downtoearth I do not know the story behind you and E, so anything I write is written without that knowledge.

Are you not E's mother in all practical terms? (I assume you are also her grandmother). Surely Mother's Day can include the two of you having a treat to celebrate the specialness of your relationship, which is essentially a maternal one and to remember her mother and talk about her?

E is one of many children, of all ages who, for whatever reason, do not have a mother to celebrate with. I am sure that while E is only conscious of those friends celebrating their mothers there are other children around her who, like her, also cannot celebrate with their mothers. She is not alone.

To lose two children is devastating. I saw how my parents suffered when they lost one child. My sister died on Easter Sunday. For several years after Easter reminded us of our loss, but after a while we turned it into a day to remember her when she lived. At Easter we now drink a toast to her and talk about the living person she was rather than just rememebering her death. Can you not use the event to ceelbrate your daughters lives?

Not everyone celebrates Mothers Day, even when they can, As I have previously posted, it is a very low key event on our family.

I find mothers day the most painful day of the year and so does E ,we both try and avoid all mention,I am not her mum,and I have lost both my daughters,although my son..if he remembers will send a card( he gave me a card a few days ago,along with his GF flowers as she had had gone on holiday and forgot to take them home with her [shocked].E is angry that she cannot do the things her friends do with their mums on mothers day.
This year she is able to take flowers for her mum..her grave,which is 120 miles away,and I can do the same for my mum,who is in the same place.
I dont feel angry, I feel so sad for E..and if I am being honest myself,and then feel angry that a commercial celebration can bring me this low.This year E and I will be visiting my closest friend,we normally go to see the graves when we are there,her children,all very well off will be showering her with gifts,and I will have to paint a smile on and feel happy for her,when all I want to do is scream at the unfairness.....it is just that one day....like christmas I wish I could sleep through it .sorry just hate that mothers day can make me feel pathetic,any other day the fuckit bucket gets full of fuckit and CBA..

I usually get a loving card from our dog
on MD. Very clever dog....I may have to give a reminder this year !
My grown up "steps" usually mark the day as well, which is lovely.
I hope no one is seriously hurt or upset by any expectations not being fullfilled.
I love the Fuckit Bucket idea. We have a saying in my house....sorry in advance..
" Oh Fuck 'em....all except one...well save that one until tomorrow" Needless to say it often defuses a moment !

I think it's become too commercialised as well, but I would still be hurt if my children didn't acknowledge it at all.

You don't suppose she's planning a surprise do you jingle or is it usual for her not to bother about Mothers Day?

We rarely go out for a meal on MD - everywhere bumps the price up and the food isn't usually up to standard because of the pressures on the kitchen. We usually go on the Saturday instead. The same with my mum - we go on a different day.

Neither of mine are local though we do sometimes all manage to get together for such celebratory days .I usually get lovely cards (though not specifically Mothers Day cards as they both think they are 'meh')One last year had a mummy and a baby elephant (my love of elephants is well known) . With blush-making words saying what an amazing Mum I am and how much they love me .I know they do but its nice to be told.And I got flowers delivered from DD1last year too.Which surprised me as she was abroad on holiday . But if they were to forget ,which is quite likely this year as one is off on holiday on Sun and the other is in the throes of moving , (and they are both broke)it really wont bother me .As someone up thread said, I know if I really needed them they would move heaven and earth to support me .
I've never expected DH to mark the day in any way .But we arent the sort of couple who send each other sentimental birthday and Christmas cards either ,though we do celebrate birthdays . I know DH adores me and he is hugely indulgent but I learnt years ago to buy my own red roses etc !

Immiesnana, maybe your DIL (and I note you put dear in front) and her mum genuinely think that you would rather be with your son on the day. Just a thought and hope it makes you feel better about it. If not, I'd have a look for that bucket...... Have a lovely day anyway!

One ds lives very distant and my instructions are to remind him in advance when it is UK Mothering Sunday. And so I did so about two weeks ago. Today I received 5 small and simple orchid stems he ordered on line (and the rubbish free card but ds doesn't know it's a rubbish card). Free delivery....and cheaper because it's not yet Mothering Sunday. They are lovely, cost only about £10 which pleases me. He's not my son for nothing

I used to feel grabby by reminding him of the date but he says how else would he know. Hmmmmm

Others local usually come to me for Sunday dinner weekly, don't know if anything else will be suggested and don't care. We will be together and that is what matters. I am blessed.

In fact, I might remind her about the cupcakes.

Ah, you will be much better of with your son and grandchildren Immiesnana. Have a lovely day.

No, I don't want presents. DD2 will probably turn up with a pack of nice cupcakes which we will share. That'll do me.