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It was my job..

(35 Posts)
tanith Tue 19-Apr-16 14:54:22

OH has never shown interest in the garden apart from occasional mowing if I'm suffering with my back. Since the nice weather has come (he retired last year) he keeps 'helping' me in the garden. I only have to say I might trim that or cut that etc etc only to find him out there getting out the tools..
This morning I happened to say I was going to spend some time out the front to cut the grass and tidy up after I got a hair cut. Come home from the hairdresser to find the front grass cut and him cleaning the mower.. oh! says he, I've cut the grass for you.. thanks! says I wishing he left it alone I quite enjoy mowing in the sunshine. Well I also wanted to seed some patches on the front lawn and started getting a few bits together and walked out the front to find him following me with a rake to 'help' me , I muttered something about I can bloody do it myself...
Now I feel bad as he was only trying to help but I don't want him to take over my garden...
What a cow I am grin

granny2one Thu 21-Apr-16 22:12:26

"When your husband retires you get half as much money and twice as much husband!" Read this somewhere once and thought it just hit the nail on the head!

tanith Thu 21-Apr-16 22:04:15

I agree with you MOnica I do like the house to myself occasionally..

M0nica Thu 21-Apr-16 21:49:55

Tanith you are not being selfish, in guarding your territory and needing time by yourself. We are all different, some need company a lot others, and I am one, need time on their own.

In working years DH used to travel a lot, rarely for long periods, usually just a few days at a time, but it met my need for a bit of space; a couple of times a month I would come home from work to an empty house and isolation. DH is still working intermittently, so still is a way occasionally and I am used to having him around most of the time but I still treasure those odd hours on my own. Fortunately DH has begun to understand this, which makes it much easier.

TriciaF Wed 20-Apr-16 19:55:53

Reminds me of a man we used to know - his wife told him to weed a flower bed. He pulled up all the flowers first, to simplify things, then dug up the whole flowerbed, removing the weeds. Then replanted the flowers.
Some of them survived.

pompa Wed 20-Apr-16 19:02:17

Some great tips, thank you ladies.
Note to myself:-

Pull up her favourite plant as a weed.
Make a rubbish job of mowing lawn
Fill sink with dirty dishes


Liz46 Wed 20-Apr-16 18:23:22

Mine has stopped 'helping' in the garden since I screamed as he was about to pull out my jasmine.
Fortunately he has taken up bowling and enjoys it.

Shazmo24 Wed 20-Apr-16 18:10:20

Encourage him to find his own "niche " He's obviously finding it hard after he's retired. there a "man shed" nearby that he could go along to..It's just for men and it's great!.. my friend went with her hubbie the first time and he then just got stuck in...If he likes learning new things then join a local U3A group may also be just the ticket! !...A bit of encouragement and he'll be off!

inishowen Wed 20-Apr-16 14:50:22

My DH does all the cooking and also loves doing the grocery shopping. He mows the lawn too. However he is no gardener! He thinks plants get in the way of his lawn mower and will mow right over them. Last year he pulled down a beautiful clematis because it was spreading all over the fence! I tried to say that was the idea. I now have a garden with just trees and grass. Anything else goes in a planter on the patio.

tanith Wed 20-Apr-16 14:13:29

Grannyjacq1 grin

Grannyjacq1 Wed 20-Apr-16 13:37:48

Got back from the gym the other day to find DH ironing the basket of (dirty) washing I had left out ready to go into the washing machine once I had put my gym kit in it. Couldn't help laughing. Just so happy that he likes doing the ironing! smile

Jomarie Wed 20-Apr-16 12:35:21

Tanith I too am really looking forward to bowls starting up - OH will be out of my hair again!!! grin

Auntieflo Wed 20-Apr-16 12:29:30

Do you think that the trouble is, that the DH's just don't notice that something needs doing. At least mine doesn't. He will do something if asked, but I must say, he is getting a bit better, and will sometimes say, " shall I " do so and so. But it's the for you. It's for both of us! Perhaps it is partly my fault, as while he was at work, I was mostly at home, and just got on with things, so there wasn't much for him to do.

Craftycat Wed 20-Apr-16 11:26:31

Oh I do wish he would do something- anything. He does work full time & I'm retired but he has never helped out at all. His excuse is he earns the money.

Actually to be fair he does sort out the electrical things in house - I mean computers, TVs, speakers etc - he has no clue about wiring or anything. That is his hobby as well as his full time job so he understands it. He never wanted a garden anyway. Doesn't see the point of them when you can stay indoors ( or in bed) & keep either warm or cool.

tanith Wed 20-Apr-16 11:03:47

I'm loving all the 'sharing chores' stories , and thats just how it should be with ones best friend.

annifrance Wed 20-Apr-16 10:54:19

Generally we share the work domestic or otherwise. Usually grumble at each other but somehow it works, despite the 'to do' lists I write for him. Sometimes he surprises me and works through them, not many get finished but quite a lot gets done on the whole.

Bute his is not allowed to load the dishwasher!!

Cherrytree59 Tue 19-Apr-16 22:14:01

DH retired 1st April this year
I've made a job list for both of us ,
so far he has painted the fence and done some heavy work in the garden
Also cooks the evening meal as he says he enjoys doing it (we will see how long that lasts!)
This evening I said I would clear away and wash up
He followed me round the kitchen getting in my way .
He then said he would do it as I was using too much hot water!
So gloves off and left him to it. Grrr!

Indinana Tue 19-Apr-16 20:41:33

I knew someone who never worked after she got married - her husband had a high powered job and earned more than enough to keep them, so she stayed at home and became a wonderful homemaker and entertainer to his business associates.
When her husband retired he started 'interfering', doing many of the jobs that she considered hers and it was threatening to get a little fraught.
Finally she sat down and 'had a word'. Turned out he wanted to help her because, he felt, while he had been able to retire, she never would - the housework and gardening would always be there. She'd be carrying on doing the same amount of work she'd always done and he didn't think that was fair. So by sharing the work, it would give her a sense of easing up, something like his retirement.
Certainly puts a different light on it wink

tanith Tue 19-Apr-16 19:33:21

No space for raised beds sadly although we do have rhubarb J52 I will think on your suggestions.
TriciaF OH had serious abdominal surgery last Summer so heavy lifting is really a no no... I'm really happy with him as he is its more my problem than his I was being a bit selfish if I'm honest and guarding my 'territory' , he's perfect in every other way...

TriciaF Tue 19-Apr-16 19:27:06

Get him to do all the heavy stuff like strimming and digging. I'm even glad that mine will do the spring planting now because I'm not so keen on all the bending over.
As GrannyPiggy says, better in the garden than in the kitchen

J52 Tue 19-Apr-16 19:13:21

DH is in charge of the veg and fruit growing and lawn mowing. That way he leaves my flowers and shrubs alone. Could your DH have a couple of raised beds and some rhubarb?


f77ms Tue 19-Apr-16 18:23:50

My X retired at 50 and proceeded to do nothing except watch TV and fall asleep in the chair . I think it was the final straw for me ! I would have loved him to "help" !

grannylyn65 Tue 19-Apr-16 17:18:30

And I wish I had a DH!!!!!

numberplease Tue 19-Apr-16 17:16:07

I wish my husband would take a leaf out of his book, he does nothing at all!

tanith Tue 19-Apr-16 17:15:41

Thanks everyone some nice ideas there , I normally am grateful for his help I was feeling a bit like he was following me around this morning.. when his Bowls starts this weekend I probably won't see him for dust several times a week and the status quo will be

PRINTMISS Tue 19-Apr-16 17:13:59

There must be more than one job at a time that needs to be done, and perhaps if you could FIND him a particular job in the garden - HIS DOMAIN - that would solve the problem, just do not interfere with his plot!