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It was my job..

(34 Posts)
tanith Tue 19-Apr-16 14:54:22

OH has never shown interest in the garden apart from occasional mowing if I'm suffering with my back. Since the nice weather has come (he retired last year) he keeps 'helping' me in the garden. I only have to say I might trim that or cut that etc etc only to find him out there getting out the tools..
This morning I happened to say I was going to spend some time out the front to cut the grass and tidy up after I got a hair cut. Come home from the hairdresser to find the front grass cut and him cleaning the mower.. oh! says he, I've cut the grass for you.. thanks! says I wishing he left it alone I quite enjoy mowing in the sunshine. Well I also wanted to seed some patches on the front lawn and started getting a few bits together and walked out the front to find him following me with a rake to 'help' me , I muttered something about I can bloody do it myself...
Now I feel bad as he was only trying to help but I don't want him to take over my garden...
What a cow I am grin

Charleygirl Tue 19-Apr-16 14:57:48

tanith could I pick him up please and bring him here to do some work? He would be an asset, be appreciated and I would tell him so!

Jane10 Tue 19-Apr-16 14:58:23

No you're not! Its irritating for you maybe because it sounds like he can't think of what to do for himself. Time he found some activities of his own.

tanith Tue 19-Apr-16 15:03:03

Jane10he has plenty of activities of his own, he is trying to help me as I'm suffering with my hip smile I'm feeling touchy and in pain I guess..
Charleygirl next time he's got time on his hands I point him in your direction..wink

Charleygirl Tue 19-Apr-16 15:03:14

Seriously, I agree with Jane10- I am aware that he had major surgery last year but he must find a hobby or two which he can do himself or with others and not necessarily trail after you.

I think in future do not tell him that you are going to cut the grass after going shopping etc. just come home and do it.

Elegran Tue 19-Apr-16 15:35:57

I think you need to say something to stop him doing this BEFORE you get so annoyed that it comes out bad-tempered. Perhaps bring the conversation round to how much you enjoy doing it, and what good exercise it is for your hip to do it a bit at a time so you would rather he didn't take over etc etc.

LullyDully Tue 19-Apr-16 15:43:07

Nice he is helping....just don't let him do any pruning ( in my experience ) confused

GrannyPiggy Tue 19-Apr-16 15:51:40

Oh dear
I normally hate it when DH decides to help which normally means take over, especially in the kitchen as I'm very particular to what order to do things ( filling the sink with dirty dishes as I'm about to drain veg grr )
However if I don't really want to do something so make it look like very hard work and he comes to my rescue is another matter

M0nica Tue 19-Apr-16 17:09:10

A lot of men feel at a loose end when they retire and have no interests and hobbies to fall back on. If your DH has also been ill, Tanith, he may be feeling lost and not be sure what his place in the home is.

Could you encourage him to take part in local activities basedon his interests? If he is into practical activities, you could find out if there is a local 'Men's Shed'

DH had plenty to occupy himself when he retired, but missed the camaraderie of the office and used to follow me round all the time he was in the house and hated being left alone if I went out. It wasn't easy.

PRINTMISS Tue 19-Apr-16 17:13:59

There must be more than one job at a time that needs to be done, and perhaps if you could FIND him a particular job in the garden - HIS DOMAIN - that would solve the problem, just do not interfere with his plot!

tanith Tue 19-Apr-16 17:15:41

Thanks everyone some nice ideas there , I normally am grateful for his help I was feeling a bit like he was following me around this morning.. when his Bowls starts this weekend I probably won't see him for dust several times a week and the status quo will be

numberplease Tue 19-Apr-16 17:16:07

I wish my husband would take a leaf out of his book, he does nothing at all!

grannylyn65 Tue 19-Apr-16 17:18:30

And I wish I had a DH!!!!!

f77ms Tue 19-Apr-16 18:23:50

My X retired at 50 and proceeded to do nothing except watch TV and fall asleep in the chair . I think it was the final straw for me ! I would have loved him to "help" !

J52 Tue 19-Apr-16 19:13:21

DH is in charge of the veg and fruit growing and lawn mowing. That way he leaves my flowers and shrubs alone. Could your DH have a couple of raised beds and some rhubarb?


TriciaF Tue 19-Apr-16 19:27:06

Get him to do all the heavy stuff like strimming and digging. I'm even glad that mine will do the spring planting now because I'm not so keen on all the bending over.
As GrannyPiggy says, better in the garden than in the kitchen

tanith Tue 19-Apr-16 19:33:21

No space for raised beds sadly although we do have rhubarb J52 I will think on your suggestions.
TriciaF OH had serious abdominal surgery last Summer so heavy lifting is really a no no... I'm really happy with him as he is its more my problem than his I was being a bit selfish if I'm honest and guarding my 'territory' , he's perfect in every other way...

Indinana Tue 19-Apr-16 20:41:33

I knew someone who never worked after she got married - her husband had a high powered job and earned more than enough to keep them, so she stayed at home and became a wonderful homemaker and entertainer to his business associates.
When her husband retired he started 'interfering', doing many of the jobs that she considered hers and it was threatening to get a little fraught.
Finally she sat down and 'had a word'. Turned out he wanted to help her because, he felt, while he had been able to retire, she never would - the housework and gardening would always be there. She'd be carrying on doing the same amount of work she'd always done and he didn't think that was fair. So by sharing the work, it would give her a sense of easing up, something like his retirement.
Certainly puts a different light on it wink

Cherrytree59 Tue 19-Apr-16 22:14:01

DH retired 1st April this year
I've made a job list for both of us ,
so far he has painted the fence and done some heavy work in the garden
Also cooks the evening meal as he says he enjoys doing it (we will see how long that lasts!)
This evening I said I would clear away and wash up
He followed me round the kitchen getting in my way .
He then said he would do it as I was using too much hot water!
So gloves off and left him to it. Grrr!

annifrance Wed 20-Apr-16 10:54:19

Generally we share the work domestic or otherwise. Usually grumble at each other but somehow it works, despite the 'to do' lists I write for him. Sometimes he surprises me and works through them, not many get finished but quite a lot gets done on the whole.

Bute his is not allowed to load the dishwasher!!

tanith Wed 20-Apr-16 11:03:47

I'm loving all the 'sharing chores' stories , and thats just how it should be with ones best friend.

Craftycat Wed 20-Apr-16 11:26:31

Oh I do wish he would do something- anything. He does work full time & I'm retired but he has never helped out at all. His excuse is he earns the money.

Actually to be fair he does sort out the electrical things in house - I mean computers, TVs, speakers etc - he has no clue about wiring or anything. That is his hobby as well as his full time job so he understands it. He never wanted a garden anyway. Doesn't see the point of them when you can stay indoors ( or in bed) & keep either warm or cool.

Auntieflo Wed 20-Apr-16 12:29:30

Do you think that the trouble is, that the DH's just don't notice that something needs doing. At least mine doesn't. He will do something if asked, but I must say, he is getting a bit better, and will sometimes say, " shall I " do so and so. But it's the for you. It's for both of us! Perhaps it is partly my fault, as while he was at work, I was mostly at home, and just got on with things, so there wasn't much for him to do.

Jomarie Wed 20-Apr-16 12:35:21

Tanith I too am really looking forward to bowls starting up - OH will be out of my hair again!!! grin

Grannyjacq1 Wed 20-Apr-16 13:37:48

Got back from the gym the other day to find DH ironing the basket of (dirty) washing I had left out ready to go into the washing machine once I had put my gym kit in it. Couldn't help laughing. Just so happy that he likes doing the ironing! smile