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Hoping for too much?

(35 Posts)
Katek Sat 23-Apr-16 22:52:16

Today is the 16th anniversary of my mother's death under very sad circumstances and nobody has remembered except me. Is it unreasonable of me to hope that someone else in the family might have mentioned it? Perhaps asked how I was doing? I know I could have brought the subject up, but I didn't want to shove it in anyone's face if they had forgotten.

Smithy Mon 25-Apr-16 14:09:14

there have been some lovely thoughts and sentiments posted on this subject. Yes it is a personal thing and sometimes I think am I the only person who thinks about my mum and dad, gone 9 years and 19 years respectively, then there will be a light hearted remark, maybe my son about his gran and I realise that we are all different but still remember in our own way. the most touching thing was when I realise my grandson still had a photo of him and my mum. He was only 5 when she died.

nanaMM2006 Mon 25-Apr-16 15:17:33

My dear Mum died 35 years ago, 3 days before what would have been her 60th birthday. My dear father died aged 84 having had a dicky heart for 50 years! We as a family do remember but dont contact each other, though one of us may post something on FB. Dad left a bequest to have a mass said for them both which we all attend (sad to say only two times a year any of us go to church). We then all go out for dinner and have a good time, which they both would have loved. We get together as a family several times a year and are always reminiscing as we had a very happy if very poor, materialistically, childhood.

Synonymous Mon 25-Apr-16 15:32:11

Katek flowers
As some have already said we are all so very different and react in different ways. I am finding it really sad as I get older that there are so few people who remember my mother because she died such a long time ago and the saddest thing of all for me was my younger sister saying she couldn't really remember her at all. I think it is entirely possible that these sad events get blocked out as a kind of protective mechanism but it is a shame that for some even the happy memories seem to have been blotted out too. sad

nannaMM2006 How nice to be near enough to do that, all going out for a meal together sounds a lovely

hummingbird Mon 25-Apr-16 16:37:26

I love that poem, too, Angela1961. It's by EE Cummings, and very apt:

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Thank you for reminding me of it!

Tessa101 Mon 25-Apr-16 17:59:26

Katek sorry to hear your feeling sad, it's my dear dads anniversary of his passing on 1st May and my mums on the 5th ( 9 years apart) I will go to the chapel to look at the book of remembrance and light a candle and put flowers on the grave then sit on the bench with a take away coffee and chat to them. Neither of my daughters will remember the dates,I don't tell them in advance as don't want them to feel they HAVE to join me. As I'm an only child and divorced it would be nice if one or both of them remembered or even just mentioned the date but there lives are busy with young families I just accept it and remember them my own way, but it does upset me as they were close. flowers

Deedaa Mon 25-Apr-16 22:48:29

I often look at my two youngest grandsons and wish that my parents could have seen them. I know they couldn't possibly have lived that long, but I'm sure they would have loved them.

Bagatelle Mon 25-Apr-16 23:20:13

I don't want to think about my parents' deaths. Those dates go past me, but their birthdays and other happy times are still part of my life. Maybe it's my way of coping.

Lilyflower Tue 26-Apr-16 09:57:08

I have often observed that when people are hurt there is no attitude, nor anything anyone can say or not say, which will be enough to alleviate the pain.

Think about your friends, however. Are they mean or cruel? Would you have been friends with them had they been so? If not, then do not judge them harshly as you don't know what their motivation was and it might have been kindly meant not to speak so as not to upset or remind you of something painful.

Most people are kindly and good hearted even if they can be forgetful or diffident.

annodomini Tue 26-Apr-16 11:16:56

I agree with Bagatelle. I prefer to dwell on the happy memories. I know my Dad, in particular, wouldn't want me to remember the day he died, though as it was the Ides of March, it's quite hard to forget. I say Happy Birthday to them every year.