Fuming!

I so sympathise, it must be really hard having your mum living with you. Mine is in sheltered housing very near me but not with me thank goodness. I have 1 brother who sounds so similar to yours. He visits once a year, usually November to deliver her Christmas presents, otherwise he doesn't see her. Him and SiL go on holiday all over the place but never think of visiting mum or asking her to go with them. Stick to your guns and blast him as much as you like. I do wonder if this is also so you think it is too difficult for your mum to visit him and don't suggest it again (Bloody brothers!!)

Comes to something when coach companies do more for the elderly and infirm than their own children are prepared to do. I am absolutely terrified of becoming older, my son and his partner are bone selfish and I don't want to be that 'burden' to anyone but really what is wrong with people now?

A son ought to be able to put himself out a bit for his mother, maybe his wife will treat him with blatant disregard w hen he is older and not so steady on his feet, what sort of marriages do people have that seem to rely solely on what suits them and sod everyone else.

There is no status given to those who care for others in our society not unless it is some stupid TV thing like Red Nose day where people raise money to feel good about themselves, the real 'care' is done be people of good hope and immense patience.

Your brother and his wife should feel ashamed of themselves.

I do not blame you for being fuming!

When my parents were elderly us 3 siblings all did our share to support them in our own different ways and it would never have occurred to us to do otherwise. I am sorry that your brother (and his wife) do not take the same attitude. How very annoying for you, and indeed upsetting for your Mum. I am sorry to be a bit sick here, but I bet that your brother will be first in the queue for his legacy when that sad time comes.

We had some problems with my OH's side of the family when his sis offered to have widowed FIL live with her abroad - which caused astonishment as they did not get on at all. After a couple of years we received a call to say that FIL was dying and wanted to come home and as there was nowhere else for him to go, he came to us. It was immediately apparent that he was in fine health but had just had a falling out over there. It took months for me to find him proper accommodation during which time things were not easy! - he was a VERY difficult man! Long story short, it turned out that when he went to my SIL to live he paid them £000s towards their home renovations in return!! Hmm!

So annoying and hurtful when this sort of thoughtless /selfish situation happens. What if you had been at an event on Saturday that made it difficult for you to pick your mum up from the coach?
If I were you I would go with what upsets mum least then I would , when I was less annoyed, write to bro and say that 'shared' care of mum means he and his wife have her for x weeks so that you and your DH can do a few of the things he and his wife do most of the time!

So what happened Mobrown?

Yes, ask you mum, she might enjoy having a bit of independence. After all she only has to get on the coach and get off again the other side.

You sound like a lovely lady, Mo. I hope you got something sorted out.

I've got two brothers who live near my 88 year old mum. They take her shopping and to appointments. Arrange plumbers etc and visit a couple of times a week. I live about 100 miles away and visit for a couple of days every 5 weeks or so (still working part time) Im not sure i really do my "share"

I also have to say it probably depends on the type of relationship someone had with their parent. My mother and I didn't have a great relationship, my sister had a better one with her so she did the bulk of caring. Once my mother died I didn't contest anything my sister wanted or did.

chelseababy I think, given the distance you live from your mum, you do the best you can, especially as you're still working.

"Tell him He will have to keep her until the following Sunday"

!!! Bit shocked at that remark. Tbh.

Well done Bijou! Clearly you are brilliant and stalwart. However OP's mum seems to be more fragile hence OP's post and dismay her rather more fragile mother is being put on a coach. Clearly OP's concerns are both the disregard her brother has for his mother and her safety coming home.