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Off for the weekend

(35 Posts)
NanKate Fri 29-Jul-16 15:54:40

Does anyone else notice that their grown up children have an expectation that they can go away for the weekend to see friends, leaving their other half to look after young children.

My DS has just emailed to ask if I can support phone/email/text my DinL as both children have a flu type cold and are not sleeping well. This happens every time he goes away and I feel on call all the time !

My DinL also goes away for weekends so we often go to help our DS whilst she is away. We do this for her too sometimes.

Their friends seem to do the same, Spa Weekends etc.

When our DS was small we never went our separate ways, but it seems it is the norm nowadays with affluent young couples.

Any thoughts or am I being a killjoy. .

Leticia Fri 29-Jul-16 16:26:10

Sounds a good idea to me. Everyone wants a break. Great for the father to cope alone, they generally don't get as much time in sole charge.
I got my DS used to staying with grandparents from an early age so that it was a second home. Lovely for him and the grandparents.

grannylyn65 Fri 29-Jul-16 16:33:12

My DIL and son are visiting me tomorrow as apparently DGC are at other GP's for a 'break'
am not sure who needs the break !!!

BlueBelle Fri 29-Jul-16 16:58:07

One of my son in laws is always going away for long weekends stag dos climbing holidays with the boys and once a month a full night out coming home about 10 am next day It irritates me beyond true as I am often called on to help out and its a long ardous and not cheap journey for me and they are 'always short of money' but when I ve brought it up in the past my daughter goes very cold on me and tells me it s great for him to get away ....Ummm sure believe that and you believe anything I dont bring it up at all now as she knows what I think and as the children are getting older I m not called on so much but it still makes me cross and doesnt endear him to me AT All

rosesarered Fri 29-Jul-16 17:20:53

No, Nankate as my children and spouses seem joined at the hip, they only go away together, however we do look after the DGC while they do this, but it doesn't happen all that often.

annsixty Fri 29-Jul-16 17:28:49

I never did it and my C aren't in a position to do it but 35/45 ish children of friends do it on a very regular basis. It is usually with siblings , neighbours they have got friendly with and old uni friends. Just an excuse for a jolly in my eyes and yes I am green with envy that I was born 40 years too soon.

FarNorth Fri 29-Jul-16 17:33:47

I see no problem with partners doing this if they can manage it on their own, or if they ask politely for help and can accept a No sometimes.
If they expect GPs to automatically be available to help whenever it suits them, though, that's not so good.

trisher Fri 29-Jul-16 17:38:06

I had a friend years ago who did this, left her 2 boys under 5 with their dad for long weekends. She insisted it had to be done properly, no pre-frozen meals, no planned menus and you had to expect washing etc to be done when you returned. She said it taught dads exactly what looking after small children involved and he was so grateful to see you when you got back. I never dared, not sure my sons would have survived their dad's care!!!

M0nica Fri 29-Jul-16 17:53:22

When our children were young DH and I had weekends away without the other, but each of us managed perfectly well on our own without any need to call in anybody else to help us manage, including when the children were ill.

DH's job took him away from home frequently for indefinite periods of time, on one occasion for over six weeks. If I had been unable to manage, DP and DPiL would have to moved in to cope with all the absences.

Personally I would have felt quite insulted if anyone had suggested that I might not be capable of looking after DC on my own and might need extra help.

NanKate if your children cannot cope with looking after the children on their own they should make sure they never put themselves in that position. Tell them to cope on their own. They will soon learn.

Iam64 Fri 29-Jul-16 17:54:00

I don't have a problem with young parents having time away without the children, separately or together. I remember being too broke for anything more exciting than a picnic at the park. It was fun but imagine if I'd been able to have a twenty four hour spa break, I might have popped with excitement

annsixty Fri 29-Jul-16 18:30:05

If they choose to do this they certainly should not ask for help.

tanith Fri 29-Jul-16 19:10:47

I remember doing this to my Mum and Dad when my kids were small my then husband and I went away for several long weekends together and with friends.. my parents were probably the age I am now and I really had no clue what a daunting task it must of been for them I wouldn't want to look after 3 youngsters for 4days . I see nothing wrong with it if the parents are willing to help out.

TerriBull Fri 29-Jul-16 20:00:42

My husband did it once with my blessing he went a way for a golfing week-end one of his party was a GP. Husband departed Friday, on the Saturday one of our sons who was 5ish developed a temperature and spent all night throwing up, I spent most of Sunday being passed to GP friend on the phone discussing son's condition. When my husband came back he vowed "never again"

NanKate Fri 29-Jul-16 20:01:37

We do happily look after the GC when my DS and DinL go away together, it is just these separate weekends they both go on regularly that concern me.

There always seem to be a problem with the children being unwell or the washing machine breaking down.

Heyho it seems to be the norm now. Our DS was 6 before we got a break. Different times different ways of bringing up the children.

stillaliveandkicking Fri 29-Jul-16 21:58:07

I think its fine to go away for breaks separately. I don't think its fine to put on you though. A childs sick cope with it, why do they want you to run round?

NotTooOld Fri 29-Jul-16 22:10:38

This seems to happen a lot these days - separate breaks, I mean. Trips to spas, exhibitions, weekends away to see girlfriends, stag dos abroad etc etc. I've no real problem with it if they can afford it and I suppose 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' and all that! We couldn't have afforded it when we were that age, though.

Disgruntled Sat 30-Jul-16 09:17:49

Interesting how things have changed....a stag night is never just a night, ditto hen nights. We're there spas around in the 60s and 70s??? I feel like a dynosaur half the time.

Harris27 Sat 30-Jul-16 09:28:16

I read this with great interest as I work with pre school children and am often told about parents needing a break" often abroad with friends my friend and I who work together often laugh saying we couldn't go to the corner shop when we had kids!! Yes I have two sons who have children one goes away for regular weekends with the lads but the other one rarely gets a night out so sign of the times ladies!!

pattie Sat 30-Jul-16 09:43:40

My Oh used to go away often on jollies. TAs choir trips rugby trips and even when at home he frequently came home very late and slept in every Saturday and Sunday. I went away once and he didn't speak to me for a week.
Wonder why we divorced as soon as we could financially. Hmmmmmm.
I must say I was eaten up with resentment most of the time and it ruined our relationship. I wish we could have had equal chances for time off.
Heigh Ho!

frue Sat 30-Jul-16 10:03:07

I'm so proud that my son who works flat out can cheerfully look after a 4 year old and a one year old on this own while his hard working wife does her own thing. He does have local men friends who do the same and they do tend to go round to one anothers houses..........

goose1964 Sat 30-Jul-16 10:15:38

my kids often stayed with their GPs (at GPs orders so we could have us time, only very occasionally did we split up) but my friend goes away nearly every weekend because his marriage is on the rocks & he & his wife can't stand spending time togther & his kids are at GCSE/A level age so they donlt want to split up yet

Lilyflower Sat 30-Jul-16 10:51:59

My DD and her partner are devoted to each other so I find it extremely strange that they often spend weekends away from each other. She is going to a party tonight while he will be with a (male) friend from work. My DH and I never spent a minute apart that wasn't forced on us and we only had two weekends away from our dear children (both to attend friends' weddings) the whole time they were growing up.

I certainly wouldn't be happy looking after any children they might have while they indulged in 'me time'.

Actually, I might. I guess I might well be glad of the opportunity to have the DG.

hulahoop Sat 30-Jul-16 11:10:20

It does seem the norm now I don't mind for special occasions we didn't leave ours until they were 18and 15 then only 2nights for 25th anniversary we enjoyed taking them with us

sylviann Sat 30-Jul-16 13:16:59

I think it's a good thing that couples have time away on there own I'm always around to mind my 13 year-old grandson and their dog if they want to go away together. The Times they area changing

inishowen Sat 30-Jul-16 14:19:35

I never had a break when my kids were growing up. I'm all for it though. My DIL has been away to spa weekends, leaving her DH to mind the babies. My daughter is going away next month for two days, and again her DH is looking after their child. The men have fishing weekends and football trips. I'm sure it keep everyone sane and happy.