Mums on their phones

Yesterday I was in a coffee shop and there was a man there with his son (aged about 8) and the whole time this man was on his phone and not once did he speak to his son. I felt so sorry for him.

Even before the mobile phone, I found it annoying that mothers would stand with pushchairs facing a wall while they stopped and chatted to other mothers. Altogether I found it very child-unfriendly to have the child facing away from you. We were once walking through a park when my youngest - still in the buggy at that time - was nearly stung by a wasp which was flying round his mouth. Fortunately we were in a group and someone walking further ahead noticed.

But even then, it was not possible to have a real conversation with your child, who may have fallen asleep as far as you knew.

Children in pushchairs are also the right height to be slobbered on by strange dogs, and to inhale the exhaust from passing cars.

And back in those days it was certainly not unusual for young mothers to push prams and pushchairs out into the road before looking out for oncoming traffic.

Agree with all of the above.

However, some people even before mobile phones, for example dads who watch a lot of sport on tv all evening, tell their wife and children off for interrupting the tv. You can only get to speak to them if you go out in the car and they are driving!

As with many other life skills, it is teachers who will have go pick up the tab and do what parents should have done - and those children who have been brought up properly will languish in boredom while the others catch up on their speaking and comprehension skills.

12 years ago DGD was born in New York and I was appalled that DD had to go back to work after six weeks. She found a nursery and while I was encouraging her to have a daily nanny I then found that the paid childcare was obliged to spend forty minutes outside with the child and so the nannies did . They were in groups on street corners with the children in buggies facing the traffic fumes or faces in the biting wind( November ) and the nannies not even talking to each other just texting phoning away . In that time they could have walked to Central Park or the river as this was just off fifth avenue.

Agree with all the above, and this Pokemon phenomenon has just made things worse. We had a walk around our lovely local country park at the weekend - lots of stuff to see, jet skiing, water skiing demonstrations, and stuff to have a go at, and all I seemed to see were groups of adults and children glued to their phones with an occasional "ooh I've got a ....." whatever it happened to be that had such a hold over them. I despair.

Agreed too- tragic and so sad. And yes- I worry about the consequences for our GC's future.

I wonder if it could be classed as neglect and the parents prosecuted?

My DS and DDiL aren't permanently attached to their phones, they use them when necessary, but certainly not to excess.
However, they've already been warned that if I ever, even once, see either of them ignoring their child/children in favour of using their phone, I shall take it off them, throw it to the ground, and jump up and down on it!
What's more, they both know I mean it!

Perhaps there needs to be a TV warning. Mobile phone for Mum, dummy for baby....peace with a non talking child!!!!

Same logic as someone I knew who smoked in pregnancy to produce a smaller baby, easier to deliver.

mrsmopp This is a real problem with some children starting school unable to comprehend what's said to them or to string a sentence together.

Also, I had a buggy that faced me for all three of my children. It was the same buggy. It lasted really well. We and our children were so lucky that mobile phones hadn't been invented and children's TV programmes weren't wall to wall.

My pushchairs always faced forwards so the occupants could see where they were going. We had a constant chatty interaction about what they could see, they knew about looking all around before crossing the road before they ever got to walk across, grasses and flowers could be touched, bees watched, manholes peered down from the safety of the pushchair. It was a joy to see the world through their eyes. I simply cannot imagine why mums wouldn't want to talk with their children.

When GS1 was quite tiny the health visitor told DD that you can always tell the babies that have been talked to.

I haven't read every post, but think this should be duplicated for mumsnet. The first 5 years are crucial for language development yet so many mums don't spend enough time talking to their children.

'My children were not entertained, they were simply a part of all that was going on - shopping, cooking, gardening etc.'

Luckygirl, I couldn't have put it better myself. I really don't know why children have to be entertained all the time but it seems they do. Like yours, our children just got on with amusing themselves and were expected (when old enough) to help put shopping away or clear the table after a meal or empty the dishwasher. We did occasionally go somewhere for a treat, perhaps the cinema or swimming or to an exhibition or out for dinner, but it was not an everyday occurrence. I can't even think it is because modern parents are generally both working and feel guilty for not being with their children more because DH and I both worked too.

I also feel sad when I see young mums/dads ignoring their children and focussing on mobile phones. It is so important to talk to children and point out things of interest. I still do it sometimes - 'Ooh, can you see that helicopter?' - and then I look round and DH is looking at me rather oddly as he is the only other person in the car.

Just to confirm what lizzypopbottle said, I work in a mainstream primary school and I mainly work with those children with speech and language problems. Over recent years we have seen a steady increase of children starting 'early years' each September who have difficulty with speech and language skills and I am convinced that some of this is due to lack of communication between parent and child as has been described. In this September's intake we have 12 listed as having below age language skills. It is a very worrying trend.

I agree. It is so bad that I immediately notice when a mother is interacting with her child because it is a rarity.

I hate this obsession people seem to have with their mobile phones - placing them on the table and glancing at them all the time.

I agree that it is particularly upsetting to see children being ignored because mum or dad are too busy either speaking on the phone or fiddling about with it. I remember a young woman and a little girl getting on the bus one day and throughout the journey the little girl was asking a question - which was completely ignored because her mother was too busy looking at her phone. I thought it was very sad because the child eventually gave up and sat quietly, with a defeated look on her face.

I've also seen parents at the playground, conversing on their phones and pushing a child on the swing with one hand. Not just for a minute or so, but holding a really long (and often trivial) conversation.

I can quite see why teachers report that more and more children are starting school with significant difficulties in communicating.

Do you think these phones have taken away imagination of the young? My ED never takes her children food shopping, has it delivered. I used to write a list and get mine to help me, find the food, see where it came from, what animal if it was meat, how much it was, if we could save any money on deals etc. There is a lot to be learned from going to places and taking the children with you. Yes, it takes more time, but this is the one thing that should be given to your child - time.

In a way I am glad that I am not in touch with my ED, as she bought her then 3 year old a tablet and it goes against everything I stand for, especially with me having home schooled my DS. I have got so much pleasure out of teaching both of my children from the birth of my ED to now, 7 weeks before my DS flies the nest. I would have loved to have taught my DGSs but with having been used to these blessed tablet things, they would probably not want to do anything other than be on them. The youngest is now 3 years old and no doubt has been bought one too. It is such a waste. I really do not think a 3 year old should have a tablet of his own to use any time. No imagination comes from these things. No den making, no cooking, baking, pond dipping, gardening, painting, crafting, the list is endless, but not with electrical gadgetry.

I still love my craft work and have been asked by the library to contribute to a new craft workshop they are starting up, so I will take my knowledge and any skill I may have and share it with strangers who will hopefully become friends.

It's just a crying shame that I cannot look forward or plan any craft days with me and my little grandsons. I don't feel like they were little children, just mini adults.

There are two things about Mums on phones that drive me crazy. Firstly , they sit down in a public place, get their phone out and then seem to forget they have a little one. The child runs wild, annoying everyone else in the place and the mum abdicates all responsibility.

The second is that they are so busy texting , or whatever they don't talk to their child. I talked to mine all the time, when walking to the shops, in the car, at meal times. I do the same with my grandchildren . ALL the time.

Could this lack of conversation be responsible for some of the poor language skills that we see? Worse are those children that when they do speak have some sort of transatlantic accent from being babysat by the TV !!

TV, mobile phones all have their place but little sponges need communication to grow, learn and make sense of the world.

My friend and I sat outside a cafe on a warm day in the spring. School was coming out further down the road. Of the 60 odd mother and child combos that passed us there were only 2 mothers without a phone either to her ear, or being stared at. We call it "staring at the phone syndrome ". We have speculated that there is nothing to see, they are just habituated to staring at the damn thing. Of course, none of them were talking to their children.

DH and I've just returned from beautiful Guernsey and yesterday (only yesterday!!), we were sitting, people watching, as you do on hols, and nearly everyone was walking around glued to their screens - in a gorgeous place like that! Even more annoying was that while walking around the onus was on US to flippin' well avoid them or get knocked over. Grrrrrr....... and, to return to the main point, mums on phones - even worse. No wonder there are so many speech and language problems now.
I used to work in Speech and Language Therapy and this is something guaranteed to get me onto a very large soapbox, shouting loudly. I did my fair share of 'plonking' my two in front of the telly - don't we all, but they were talked to and with as often as possible. They've both grown up able to talk with anyone, with articulately and appropriately, despite those (rare) occasions when the telly babysat, because DH and I made the effort (actually it wasn't really an effort; it was just chat) the rest of the time.

Delete the 'with' before articulately and appropriately above. We REALLY need an edit option on Gransnet.

Studies have shown that an increasing number of young children are now starting nursery or school not able to speak and communicate, mainly due to lack of interaction with 'mum' as she is constantly on phone. It is causing a major problem as children are having to be taught to speak and interact with others before real learning can start. There is evidence to suggest that the only communication they see is when they are put in front of the TV/CD at home so mum - or childminder - can get on with talking to friends or on social media.