This will cause a hoo ha !

If you had asked me pre children I would have said ' of course smacking isnt the answer' but I smacked DD1 twice.Once when she was about 6-wearing her ballet leotard and I left marks on her thigh-second time she was about 8 and had rudely interrupted me when I was chatting to friends at after -church coffee .I tapped her on the head .I'm not proud of either occasion but was under huge stress at the time.The first was ,possibly , excusable as she had driven me to distraction (and she knew it)and it worked .I think I was as shocked as she was .The second was not,I just snapped and it indicated to the friends I was with that I had reached breaking point (It was so unlike me-it was and still is rare for me to lose my temper ).I was very ashamed of myself. I apologised to her immediately (I hadnt hurt her) But I never did it again and I never smacked DD2 who could actually be a much more aggravating child.I learnt to say 'Because I say so' and refuse to engage in further winding- me -up discussion ,and 'No means no',ditto .The house rules were very clear .I dont recall ever using a naughty step or exclusion or withdrawal of treats I might have tapped a hand to move it away from doing something it shouldnt (as I would with DH)but I wouldnt call that smacking .If DD 2 had a tantrum, as she could, I learnt to ignore it and waited until she got to the distress stage (losing control upset her) and would then give her a cuddle until she calmed down and we would talk about whatever had triggered it
I have an excellent relationship with my grown up DCs so I dont think it has caused lasting damage
I would never have smacked an under five as I don't think they can grasp 'cause and effect 'in the same way and I dont think their behaviour would in any case trigger the sort of reaction I had
I don't have DGs yet but I would definitely be in the ' my house my rules'camp I think and would hope not to have to chastise .

Not to drip feed ,but on the rare occasions I lost it and shouted at mine they knew I was really ,really cross and it was enough to get them to stop doing whatever it was . I agree it does older children no harm to know you are human and can get angry too but constant yelling at them is as damaging as physical violence I feel .

My two children drove me to to distraction. They were 13 months apart and fought in their twin pram ,twin buggy and later in the the car. My DD was very argumentative and feisty and I smacked them on the hand at times. They have grown up into sensitive caring people.
My GC have a 4 year gap and as the youngest is now school age this summer holiday has been much better. I think you need to change the environment every 2 hours, even if it is just a walk to the park.Then they don't get too fractious and start to pick on each other. I would not smack either of them, although have been tempted at times.
And the brighter they are the more they can run rings round you. Thank goodness they grow up.

I did often smack my very difficult as a child DS. It didn't work, and when my DD was at her wits end with DGS I told her smacking definitely didn't work and really wish I hadn't with DD.

With DGS I once a had a conversation along the lines of what you are doing is cross making and I am very cross but I do not want to shout at you. Now I just have to look at him and say 'cross and cross-making'. He responds immediately overall in an acceptable way! Oh how I wish I had had that wisdom when I was a young mother.

I'm totally against any form of physical punishment. My DGC (2 year-old twins, boy and girl}, have reached the stage of sometimes trying to hit, push and pull each other. How could we possibly teach them not to do this ( to anyone) if we hit them. Kicking is a tricky one, as kicking a ball is fine, but not kicking people.

If my husband nicks dinner whilst it's cooking I rap his knuckle with the spoon. He laughs. I was only smacked once as a child, I smacked my DC a couple of times, they occasionally smack the DGC, I have smacked on DGC once, I have the parents permission to follow their discipline regime to smack if I consider it warranted. I have as an adult been smacked by someone, I have also punched someone in self defence - when being mugged. Violence is sometimes warranted- that's why we have an Army. I consider when I smacked (on the hand without marking) my GC pseudo self defence he was violently biting the younger one, and was not releasing whatever I did. I smacked my DD when she was "don't care" about other punishments she reasoned at 6 - OK I'll go to my room, but it's not punishment. I like time on my own - and I'll enjoy you feeling guilty and letting me come down in a few hours - so I smacked her instead!! Sorry if that annoys some - but she'd compounded her misbehaviour with cheek - we laugh about her smart mouth punishment now she has DC's with smart mouths

When I read that children have been able to climb up high, climb down again before putting a knitting needle in a socket, I have to ask myself, "Where was the responsible adult whilst all this was going on?" Maybe if the child was being watched, the necessity for a smack would have been avoided. If it is assault for another adult to hit an adult, why isn't it assault when and adult hits a vulnerable child? I know how infuriating children can be having had 6 myself but a lot of patient, hard work when they are young usually pays off when they are older and they don't tend to go round hitting others either.

It's all about language. 'Smacking a child'. 'Assaulting a person'. Would you 'smack' an adult who was misbehaving? No, because (a) it's illegal and (b) they could hit you back.

So how can it possibly be OK to assault a much smaller, less powerful person?

You're the adult, you have a lifetime's experience and the ability to step back, and think about what's going on (Anger Management lesson 1). The child can do neither of those things.

We had our GD'S and DIL come over one afternoon and the weather was lovely so they were out playing on the lawn...they are 9 & 5.
The older one called to her mom that the younger one had done something.wrong and I watched as DIL gave the younger one a severe telling off, looking into her eyes all the time thus getting her young daughters attention. When she'd finished she gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and walked back and left them playing.
I was very impressed by that. They do use the "naughty step" at home and it certainly works. The 2 GD'S love putting their grandad on the naughty step too, with much laughter from them all.

Children quickly learn how far they can go with people .My grandson stays with me every weekend first time he misbehave I took him back home and said he couldn't come and stay again for 2 weeks it worked as it was a total shock that I didn't even warn him now 8 years on I've only sent him back home twice he learnt quickly .

When I was around 11 I'd stayed out a bit later than I should have done on a school night. When I got through the front door my parents were waiting and I got a sharp slap on the head by my dad.
I turned and said, in a rather superior kind of way " You should Never hit a child on their head" and went up to my bedroom.
I'd never been slapped before and I wasn't again. I found it funny at the time.

I'm astonished that anyone would think a 14mo baby is 'badly behaved'.
And I'm astonished that anyone could have taken my post that seriously. The last sentence and the smiley face was meant to indicate that it was tongue in cheek <sigh>

With you all the way icanhandthemback

Two of our DGS (5 and 7 ) were particularly badly behaved when my DH was looking after them. (I had double booked and was babysitting DGS) They were sleeping over for two nights. Not the best behaved of children. They mocked DH and laughed at him. He was almost in tears of frustration when I arrived home. In the morning I sat them down and reminded them that we WERE going to take them to the seaside that day and because of their behaviour they would not now be going. We stayed home. They have listened to what I say now and know the consequences if they misbehave. I had told their dad when he phoned to ask how they had been. When he came in he asked if they had enjoyed their day out. The boys honestly told him what and why. Empty threats are no good at all. Stick by what you say.

That was me, Indiana and you mention twice in that post about your GC's misbehaviour and you also speak of her naughtiness. To me, that indicates how you regard her behaviour. Give a child a label, and all that.

When my late nephew (he died young) was about 4, he reached for a hot-dog with his hands right off the bbq grill. It was hot as hades and I just instinctively smacked his hand AWAY from the bbq and loudly said NO!!! His little face crumpled and he cried for all of 5 seconds whilst I comforted him explaining how close he came to getting badly burnt. I then said I was sorry, but it was an emergency and I was not punishing him, just trying to save him real bad pain.

I got a big hug, he didn't see that the coals were hot. He waited for his hot-dog. He never went near anything hot again. Not in the kitchen, the fireplace, or outdoor bbqs.

I still miss him.... but would do it again in a heartbeat if a child was in danger of being injured.

I'm with Thatbags and others on this one. We did smack when necessary. It was occasional and there was a reason for it. We did not abuse or assault our children. Our sons are gentle, responsible fathers with lovely families.

Both DiLs are teachers, so there's absolutely no smacking now. I applaud their coping strategies, however these may not work or indeed be recognised by all parents.

As someone has remarked, parents are not robots and children need to know that if they misbehave there will be consequences.

different styles of parenting by our darling children drives me mad. Step-Daughter & Husband have raised 2 well behaved & polite children. Step-Son & Partner have 2 unruly children who would jump on furniture (in their own home - daren't do it in our house), rude, cheeky - short visit almost too much. My own DD & OH have raised my DGS to be polite, first thing he does when visiting is take his shoes off & he is polite (little bit of prompting sometimes but he is only 6), he is a very active child but does not run around house causing havoc. My house, my rules applies & he will ask can I do.... Discipline is his parents responsibility & I would not interfere. He's no little angel but a very loveable child.

My sympathy goes out to all GPs who have to suffer the consequences of their own children's style of parenting - lots of gritted teeth!!

Sorry, I haven't read all 100+ posts, but from the first page Jalima is spot on. When I was a childminder, the children of all ages clearly understood the concept of "Schnackie's house" and the rules here may be different from home, but here they are the rules! In fact, during pick-up, the mum of one 4year old told her to "shut up" as we were chatting and the little girl cheerfully told her mum that "we aren't allowed to say Shut Up in Schnackies house!" Her mum then told her to go outdoors and shut up, lol

If smacking is supposed to be so efficacious, can someone explain why the children in my class at school who most frequently got 'the belt' were the ones who just kept on offending?

SueDonim As I said, it was tongue in cheek. Of course she is not naughty, and I have not given her 'a label'. She is a baby. The post was meant to be a joke, but for some bizarre reason you seem determined not to accept my explanation.
I give up <another sigh>

I have never smacked my GK's because luckily, I have never had to, their parents are strict and don't smack but only need to raise their voices and fortunatley the kids seem to know they have over-stepped the mark.
However if you feel so strongly about their behaviour then I would say something to their Mum, in as casual a way as possible that you are tempted to give them a quick slap because the punishments they have do have do not seem to do the trick. Be honest - I think it's the best way. Then you will see by her reaction, how she feels about it. I don't think a slap does any harm at all if administered in the correct way and is a quick 'shock' punishment- it's enough for a lot of children.
However I would not just go ahead and do it, even if you feel as if you have to, it will shock their Mum as well and may make her react badly to what you have done. If she is a reasonable person she will understand your feelings and perhaps get out of her rut and actually put some consequences in place.

Gosh, up until 20 or so years ago must of us thought nothing of tapping our children's hands if they went to touch a hot oven or a smacking them on the bottom if they were being really naughty but of course in came the high and mighty P.C brigade and insisted we should discuss and reason with a 2 year old, since then we have had schools full of nasty little creatures who believe everything should be their way, teachers lives are made hell by these monsters. Please just take a moment to think about why toddlers lash out at other children when a toy is taken away, because its natural that's why, if it wasn't where did they learn to do it having never been smacked by their parents ?makes you think

I am firmly in the don't smack camp.
However I slapped my own daughter on the bottom on one occasion I'm ashamed to say.
I also slapped one of my grandsons once.He was kicking the cat flap very hard and the cat was on the other side. I asked him to stop more than once and I just slapped his bum.Yet again I'm ashamed of myself.I should have taken him away from the situation but for various reasons I couldn't. No excuse really.
In my whole life These are the only occasions I've slapped.I remember them but neither recipient does thankfully!

Fair enough, Indiana.

Never smacked my children or my grandaughter. Sadly my sons partner hit him, her son and my grandaughter, lost my son because of her evil violence.The mother had witnessed so much violence she thought it was the right thing to do.
Just be firm and stick to your guns that's what my mum told me and I did