Thank you

we have decided that, if we don't get some sort of thank you for christmas presents ( usually money these days) we will stop present giving and we will tell them why.In these days of modern technology even an email would be better than nothing at all.I will say that grandaughter is 22yrs. and grandson 18yrs.so emails come easy to them!
PS both had a generous amount of money for their birthdays to help with driving lessons , but not a thank you from either of them.

I always think of that school prayer 'to give and not to count the cost' to give to get attention which is often behind the gift is not wise. We all know this. We feel neglected therefore we send a gift which, if we're still ignored, can make us feel very hard done by.
We just have to face the fact that we are not top of the agenda. (Unless we are - then well done) I adored my mum. She was always sending me gifts - not always thanked. Sometimes I groaned as I saw it as another claim on my time and emotions. But I didn't forget. Times change we all get our bit in the limelight and sometimes we have to stand well back to let others shine.
There is more than one way to be generous but I know, thanked or not, little gifts and cards are always welcome. She was always complaining how she wasn't thanked by other relatives and it used to make me cross.
I remember once getting a box of maltesers in the post from my mum for no reason. I was hundreds of miles away and living from hand to mouth - my choice. I loved her so much for that. I don't know if I thanked her.
It has never occurred to me to thank someone or be thanked for a card that arrived in the post. What you do is remember them on their special days. I also have a very unresponsive DIL and I send lots of little gifts which are ignored. I agree it's very hard.

I would never expect a thank you for a card, although having said that, most of my friends do say thankyou via e mail ...as do I ....just lately, I have had La Poste return cards undelivered ...I e mailed my friends to ask if they were at home at the time and one had been on hols and one young couple had moved ...they did tell me they were moving but at the time didn't have a date ! The card was posted with a parcel containing birthday gift of perfume and a silk scarf (the recipient is only 24) ....I e mailed her and she was terribly embarassed she had not let me have her new address (in Germany) ...so I re sent the parcel (French equivalent of registered post) so it cost me 24 euros ..but she loved it and thanked me for it, as she always does ! My daughter, on the other hand never thanked me for anything ...money, her car, university fees, money towards a house, clothes, paying her rent at uni .....but I just looked on it as well, she is my daughter and I am happy to give it whilst I could (can't now !) ....when she was little, a game we had was to write all the thankyou letters before Christmas, addressed to everyone we knew who gave her a prezzi ....she thought this was quite funny and happy to do it ! ....of course, she had to say 'thank you for the present\ as she didn't know what it would be ! I did this for my wedding presents as well ! .....might be useful to make a template of a thankyou letter which can be printed off when required for amusement,,,you can add personal touches from online internet things like pictures of flowers, cats, etc etc ! ..if you don't need to send a handwritten note !

Maybe SIL didn't mention you delivered it by taxi.

Why not telephone your daughter and ask if they had a nice day and tell her your story about why you delivered by taxi.

Otherwise I would not expect a thank you for a card but might send an e mail thanks. I send e mail cards from one of the companies that remind me.

I send cards to family and friends and on the day I telephone , did you not telephone on the day?

I send my daughter and the grandchildren cards every Birthday containing money gifts and I never even get a phone call acknowledgement let alone a thank you. One of these days will ignore a Birthday, I bet that gets a response!

OK, maybe SIL and DD were having an argument and it was not a nice day for them? Maybe he didn't show her the card? Was there a money gift in it?

We had two of my husband's nieces (who we have had little contact over the years) get married in the last few years. They are sisters and we went to the first one's wedding and left an envelope with money (£50) in it as they said they didn't need stuff, they were going to Australia, but honeymoon contributions would be appreciated but not necessary. Not a thank you note or even an email. When the next sister got married, we didn't go, but sent the same money. Not a sausage.

Husband's other two nieces from a different brother both got married and we went to one's wedding, but not the other. Got lovely thank yous with a photo of the couples on their day.

It's down to upbringing I think, so if you are being ignored, there may be more to it if she's usually responsive?

Apart from the first wedding anniversary and things like golden wedding I never send wedding anniversary cards to anyone. My DH and I exchange cards but it is our anniversary so that is ok. I have always told my children not to expect wedding anniversary cards from us and not to bother sending one to us on our anniversary. My DC and their families know we love them more than anything so are not concerned. We send birthday and Christmas cards though.

I don't expect a Thank You for just a card, I do if I put vouchers or money in.

If you give someone something, they should say thank you.

I would not expect a thank you for a card. I wonder if you deliberately mentioned the taxi to the SIL to make the point that you had gone to great lengths to get it there on time? So getting some form of gratitude was very important to you. It sounds to me as though there are deeper issues at play here and it's nothing to do with the card at all. Just my 2+2=5 though!

I'd suggest you put it out of your mind before it causes more trouble than it's worth.

I never ring to say thank you for cards and nor does anybody ring me - family or friends. If anybody texts to wish me happy birthday and has sent me a card I would reply and thank them for their wishes and card.

I send cards to the DDs and SiLs for their anniversaries but never expected them to send us one. After all, we were at their weddings and they were not at ours! Since DH died they usually send flowers or phone on the day which I really appreciate. I'm afraid that if I don't receive an acknowledgement for a wedding/new baby/birthday present then that's it, they don't usually receive anything else from me in the future. Harsh maybe, but that's just how it goes in my book . I never expect thanks for a card nor do I give thanks!

I use cards less and less now, and am more likely to Facebook. I don't acknowledge other people's anniversaries particularly. I don't think enough attention is give in families though to giving thanks for carefully chosen pressies. I would always remind my own offspring to write thank yous to the great grannies, even now in case they forget, but can't say I ever get much feedback from the step grandkids. Now DD has just had her own baby, I might try and school that one, lol.

I would never expect anyone to ring up and thank me for a card, only for a gift. I get cards from all sorts of people for birthdays and our anniversary and would never get off the phone if I rang everyone up to thank them. Presumably as you passed the card over by hand, your daughter thanked you then?

My husband's nephew had a very quiet family wedding recently, absolutely not bothered we weren't invited, it was just immediate family from both sides. My husband sent a card with a cheque for £100, which we would have thought might have warranted some sort of acknowledgement, it wasn't banked until ages afterwards, but absolutely no thanks via a text, phone call, e mail or thank you card. I hasten to add that he, the nephew, and his wife are both lovely, but my husband, I think would have appreciated some sort of thank you. However, it won't spoil the relationship, I guess "thank yous" are something the older generation were brought up with.

There is no excuse, bad day or not , for not saying thank you to a gift. Maybe the answer is to text or call that person and ask if they got the present and tell them you were concerned it may have gotten lost in the mail and wanted to report it.
My cousin got married and I sent a check. Three months later it had not cashed so I texted her to make sure it didn't get lost. She responded that they hadn't taken it to the bank yet but she did have it. Two weeks later I got a thank you in the mail.

In my experience, when the question is "am I being unreasonable to....", 90% of the time the answer is "Yes you are". I think it often comes down on Gransnet forums to the difference between generations. Older people can be more conservative in their views, and also can cling to standards which were the norm when they were younger. This in itself is not wrong, and of course we all do it to some extent, but i do see older people seeming to measure everything against what used to be the accepted standard when they were growing up and learning, and find it wanting. Not every change is for the worse - try to keep your mind open and view each new thing fairly and objectively, and who knows, occasionally you might even find that actually, this is maybe even a better way of doing things!

Please don't feel bad about it. To be honest, it wouldn't occur to me to say a special thank you for a card (unless of course there was a gift enclosed, that would just be bad manners). I wouldn't be ungrateful, just wouldn't imagine a thank you would be expected. I've never given nor received a thank you for a simple card in my life, unless just in the passing during the next conversation with the person.

I only thank people in person for Birthday Cards when they give them to me or next time I speak to them if they come by post. Rarely write thank you cards as I receive few gifts so thank giver when I receive them.

My late DH & I never set any store by Anniversary cards after our 1st Anniversary, rest of family are the same, we always had a "special day out, meal etc"

I would only expect a Thank You from my DGS if I didn't see him to give him his card & gift.

YYABU

If I receive a card I tend to say next time I email that person something on the lines of I loved your card. So clever or appropriate or something similar. I don't thank immediately. But a gift needs a response even if the gift is someone's good wishes. On here we generally thank people for their kind thoughts don't we? It's not unusual.

I have never thought to thank someone for a card unless I see them soon afterwards and just mention it. I wouldn't expect a thank you for a card either. Perhaps I've been remiss over the years?

I do love cards though, both choosing them and receiving them. And of course always thank people for gifts.

DH and I had a joint significant birthday recently and opened all cards and presents (mainly bottles - they know us so well!) at home after the party. Someone hadn't signed their card but had included a very generous amount of cash. We checked off gifts against the guest list and there were only two couples not accounted for. One couple of old friends seemed much more likely to have given us a big present, but just in case DH rang up to thank them, rather than writing. They cheerily told us they hadn't brought a present or a card, which was a tad embarrassing

number I would just give your DD a ring and laugh about the taxi and ask if they had a happy day etc. The chances are that SIL may even have put your card down somewhere and it may have been forgotten, who knows? My memory is so poor that would be entirely possible!

Personally I would have paid off the taxi and stayed for a cup of tea and ordered another taxi later.

AYBU? - Never go and meet trouble half way!

It could be a generational thing. I was brought up to say thank you for anything and everything but I think younger people don't bother.

In this case, if you were seen coming round in a taxi, it probably looked like you had forgotten - which you had because you forgot to post it in time. The offence caused by your having forgotten to post it may outweigh the fact that you bought the card and saw that it was delivered on the correct day.

Why not say - I hope you liked the card. I don't trust the post anymore so I decided to keep the card and pay extra to deliver it myself.