False friendliness

It's not only in shops but on the phone too. I'm sure they have to say it but it really grates. They are no more interested in how I am than I am in how they are. I'm really am a friendly person but, as soon as I hear these words, the heckles go up.

My dgd works for a well known Company on the telephone helpline, and they have a script which they must follow and they can be sacked if they don't follow it, as calls are recorded. The amount of abuse she has had to put up with is terrible. And she says the worst of the abuse and bad language comes from little old dears. I was so shocked when she told me what one of them had said to her. So please don't blame the staff , put the blame on the people who write the things they have to say.

Grannygrumps I'm totally with you re telesales - the minute they say "how are you today" it gets my back up as does being refered to my my Christian name - I'm known by my middle name so it instantly makes me bristle, in any case I'm MRS until I give you permission to use my given name

I don't mind shop assistants greetings after all they have to follow the script - I'm always polite & sometimes friendly if I feel they are being nice because they are a nice person, I have been known to have shop assistants in fits of laughter (sorry if that irritates the rest of you) I worked in the Catering Industry for years & appreciate politeness - we don't all have to be "grumps"

Tena Lady comment made me laugh

I don't mind so much in shops and I will often wish them a nice day too.....equally insincere perhaps, but politeness costs nothing. In France, shop staff always say 'Bonjour' when you enter a store and will generally wish people 'Bon journee' as they leave, even when you haven't purchased anything. My real bugbear is when telesales people intrude into my privacy and start off by asking, "how are you today". I have been known to give a rude response before cutting them off, but then I feel a little bad, as they are only doing their job and very likely hate it. I know I would.

RAF I have had that too and didn't quite know how to deal with it. Tena lady made me laugh!

etc don't address me as a human being I.e. acknowledge I am there I get very annoyed.

a yeah but c'mon, retail staff aren't allowed to speak like normal humans responding to normal social ques like monosylabic answers = leave me alone I don't wanna talk.
There's nothing human about following a script and being in trouble if you don't shoe horn the 4 target phrases into a 2 min conversation with someone who doesn't wanna talk to you

I can put up with being asked how my day is going, but what really grates is when they keep up a running commentary on my shopping whilst putting it through the till. If I have flour and currants, they assume I am making a cake, and joke about coming round for tea. Flowers they assume are for someone's birthday. Cat food and I am an animal lover, etc. Thank goodness I am not a 'Tena Lady'!!

I am the opposite to you, if shop assistants, doctors etc don't address me as a human being I.e. acknowledge I am there I get very annoyed. Strange how we are all different and must be very confusing for staff

My son used to work in retail and always chats to the shopkeepers. I find it hard to do so
Don't want them to think I'm a lonely old fart

Nankate Anything false grates.
(ref other thread - perhaps you need more than just the painkillers? Just a thought. )

When someone asks me how I am I usually laugh and say I really don't think you want to know all that and in fact we would need to sit down to go through it all! I usually get a laughing response and so they have done their job and I seem to have gained their attention - so perhaps it works?!

paddyann It already IS the norm!

I like when going into a shop if the person greets me and then just says something like, Let me know if you need any help.

I also worked with the public on the other side of a till in a high street grocer for a short while. Customers came in all varieties. Pleasant for the most part, some chin-waggers (held up the queue!), several grumps, etc. Someone actually complained that I did not hand her the coin change properly!

But the 'worst' was an older lady who bought a bottle of vodka every day without fail, smelled awful from the urine stains on her trousers, along with unwashed body and hair, but had a glorious smile and always wished us a nice day. After she left, staff would rush over to the till area and spray bathroom scent to cover up the stench. It was heart-breaking.

Yes paddyann, good point.
There's a checkout assistant in the supermarket near me who is always ''alright today, me darling'' ''cash or card today me darling'' and so on.
It doesn't bother me at all - nobody else calls me darling!

Hope that you are better now Nan ?
I always at least smile at shop assistants and say hello, am used to the' have a nice day' now, but remember years ago being a bit startled by it.Sometimes I chat to them if they instigate it.I have been 'blessed' by one or two in the last year too.?

and we wonder why the world in a mess....why on earth would someone asking how you are or saying have a good evening annoy you? In my part of the world we often get someones life story at a bus stop .Its lovely to communicate with others .Enjoy it.In a few years all these folk who walk about with a phone at their faces will be the norm and NOBODY will speak to you.

I hate being condescended to, but a polite smile and thank you on both sides is enough. I too hate the American type preamble on phones etc. A simple " Joe Blogs and Co. Good morning" is good enough.

I remember looking for nightwear, going through the rails of what they had. The assistant came up to me and in a quiet voice leaned over and pointed. -These are nightdresses and those are pyjamas'
I left, too suprised to make any remark.

Having worked with the public for years in a library environment, I remember when having to trot out these effusive greetings started. I hated having to do it - particularly over the phone - it all seemed such a mouthful. We had to say " Good morning/afternoon. You are through to the County Reference Library. My name is ........ How can I help you today?" At least we didn't have to enquire after anyone's health. It was all a bit of a culture shock to the public as well and we were mocked quite a bit although it's all fairly standard today.
My pet hate now is being called Luvvy or Dear. One assistant in a well known shop I like to buy from says "Bless" accompanied by a patronising smile, if you make a comment. Now she really gets under my fingernails.

Would customers rather the assistants were rude and surly toward you? Because if they were I'm sure most people would be running to complain to management! Back in the 40s/50/60/70s customers used to stand in the local shop and chinwag for ages to the shopkeeper, and they knew every single bit of your business- what's so different now? A pleasant hello/thank you/sorry to keep you waiting/how is your day/what's the weather like outside is nothing compared to that!

It's another American thingy I have noticed more and more retailers staff are saying it. Along with "how are you today" I sometimes wonder if I said well,and then went into how I was really feeling how they would deal with that. Because they don't really want to know the answer they are just programmed to say it.In America it drove me mad every single shop they try and engage you in conversation.Glad your feeling better.

Whenever I ring my local Specsavers it takes ages for the person answering the phone to get through their spiel along the lines of: "Good morning Specsavers (town) here, eye tests, contact lenses and hearing centre; my name is xxxxx and I am here to help you." Phew! There's lots more to the spiel, but I had stopped listening frankly.

Hope you are feeling better NanKate.

As a shop manager for over a decade I've gone through so many rude staff it's unreal, and met equally as many rude customers! Staff are paid to be polite. No matter how cheesy or insincere it may come across as, and can be disciplined for not doing so. It is part of every stores ethos that without the customer there would be no shop or staff! So please, just gratify them with a polite smile. Doesn't cost a penny more than your shopping :-)

I'm always cheerful to check out people- not chatting for ages but exchange pleasantries. My DH worked for a large chain when he was young & said he found it broke the day up a lot when people were cheerful & friendly to him. He always does it- sometimes though he has to be dragged away! They seem to like it though unless they have all taken acting lessons.

'How am I today' none of their f*******g business that's how .

I am the world's crossest old woman..........

Thanks Anya I am stacks better than I was, but I am finding it hard to reduce my tablets. And how are you with your two broken arms? I feel guilty for whinging. When I get back from grandmotherly duties I will email you for a catch up.

Thanks All, and thatbags I am feeling a lot better, but still knocking back the steroids.

I prefer to be ignored in shops but I know for some people it is their only contact with others and they go shopping to help fill their day and avoid loneliness.

A friend of mine and also my sister launch themselves into conversations with the assistants and I cringe and just want to hand over my money and run. It's odd because I am generally quite friendly, but you would never believe from my comments above.