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AIBU

False friendliness

(56 Posts)
NanKate Wed 26-Oct-16 22:09:42

I hate it in shops when the staff have been trained to be falsely friendly to customers with any of these rehearsed phrases as follows

Now how are you today ?
What are you doing today ?
Have a lovely day/evening etc.

I recently phoned 111 as I felt ill and needed advice. At the end of the call the Doctor who had eventually phoned me said 'have a nice evening'. Nice evening my a**e I was worried, nervous, feeling awful. What an inappropriate comment.

notanan Wed 26-Oct-16 22:13:10

The staff hate it more if that's any consolation.
And they know you hate it.

thatbags Wed 26-Oct-16 22:13:25

Hope you're feeling better now, nankate. Some 'pleasantries' can rather grate, can't they?

vampirequeen Wed 26-Oct-16 22:18:46

It depends if the greeting is said with a smile that reaches the eyes.

Ana Wed 26-Oct-16 22:18:47

The doctor's comment was certainly inappropriate. Shop staff have to go by the rules.

Anya Wed 26-Oct-16 23:11:51

Hope you're feeling better now NanKate?

NanKate Wed 26-Oct-16 23:12:49

Thanks All, and thatbags I am feeling a lot better, but still knocking back the steroids.

I prefer to be ignored in shops but I know for some people it is their only contact with others and they go shopping to help fill their day and avoid loneliness.

A friend of mine and also my sister launch themselves into conversations with the assistants and I cringe and just want to hand over my money and run. It's odd because I am generally quite friendly, but you would never believe from my comments above.

NanKate Wed 26-Oct-16 23:16:47

Thanks Anya I am stacks better than I was, but I am finding it hard to reduce my tablets. And how are you with your two broken arms? I feel guilty for whinging. When I get back from grandmotherly duties I will email you for a catch up.

radicalnan Thu 27-Oct-16 10:04:08

'How am I today' none of their f*******g business that's how .

I am the world's crossest old woman..........

Craftycat Thu 27-Oct-16 10:29:36

I'm always cheerful to check out people- not chatting for ages but exchange pleasantries. My DH worked for a large chain when he was young & said he found it broke the day up a lot when people were cheerful & friendly to him. He always does it- sometimes though he has to be dragged away! They seem to like it though unless they have all taken acting lessons.

fizzlew Thu 27-Oct-16 10:30:07

As a shop manager for over a decade I've gone through so many rude staff it's unreal, and met equally as many rude customers! Staff are paid to be polite. No matter how cheesy or insincere it may come across as, and can be disciplined for not doing so. It is part of every stores ethos that without the customer there would be no shop or staff! So please, just gratify them with a polite smile. Doesn't cost a penny more than your shopping :-)

Luckygirl Thu 27-Oct-16 10:35:24

Whenever I ring my local Specsavers it takes ages for the person answering the phone to get through their spiel along the lines of: "Good morning Specsavers (town) here, eye tests, contact lenses and hearing centre; my name is xxxxx and I am here to help you." Phew! There's lots more to the spiel, but I had stopped listening frankly.

Hope you are feeling better NanKate.

Tessa101 Thu 27-Oct-16 10:41:01

It's another American thingy I have noticed more and more retailers staff are saying it. Along with "how are you today" I sometimes wonder if I said well,and then went into how I was really feeling how they would deal with that. Because they don't really want to know the answer they are just programmed to say it.In America it drove me mad every single shop they try and engage you in conversation.Glad your feeling better.

fizzlew Thu 27-Oct-16 10:48:11

Would customers rather the assistants were rude and surly toward you? Because if they were I'm sure most people would be running to complain to management! Back in the 40s/50/60/70s customers used to stand in the local shop and chinwag for ages to the shopkeeper, and they knew every single bit of your business- what's so different now? A pleasant hello/thank you/sorry to keep you waiting/how is your day/what's the weather like outside is nothing compared to that! smile

Lupin Thu 27-Oct-16 10:49:30

Having worked with the public for years in a library environment, I remember when having to trot out these effusive greetings started. I hated having to do it - particularly over the phone - it all seemed such a mouthful. We had to say " Good morning/afternoon. You are through to the County Reference Library. My name is ........ How can I help you today?" At least we didn't have to enquire after anyone's health. It was all a bit of a culture shock to the public as well and we were mocked quite a bit although it's all fairly standard today.
My pet hate now is being called Luvvy or Dear. One assistant in a well known shop I like to buy from says "Bless" accompanied by a patronising smile, if you make a comment. Now she really gets under my fingernails.

MargaretX Thu 27-Oct-16 10:54:29

I remember looking for nightwear, going through the rails of what they had. The assistant came up to me and in a quiet voice leaned over and pointed. -These are nightdresses and those are pyjamas'
I left, too suprised to make any remark.

greatgranny Thu 27-Oct-16 11:17:18

I hate being condescended to, but a polite smile and thank you on both sides is enough. I too hate the American type preamble on phones etc. A simple " Joe Blogs and Co. Good morning" is good enough.

paddyann Thu 27-Oct-16 11:20:38

and we wonder why the world in a mess....why on earth would someone asking how you are or saying have a good evening annoy you? In my part of the world we often get someones life story at a bus stop .Its lovely to communicate with others .Enjoy it.In a few years all these folk who walk about with a phone at their faces will be the norm and NOBODY will speak to you.

rosesarered Thu 27-Oct-16 11:51:22

Hope that you are better now Nan 💐
I always at least smile at shop assistants and say hello, am used to the' have a nice day' now, but remember years ago being a bit startled by it.Sometimes I chat to them if they instigate it.I have been 'blessed' by one or two in the last year too.😇

Smithy Thu 27-Oct-16 11:51:35

Yes paddyann, good point.
There's a checkout assistant in the supermarket near me who is always ''alright today, me darling'' ''cash or card today me darling'' and so on.
It doesn't bother me at all - nobody else calls me darling!

Lewlew Thu 27-Oct-16 12:02:18

paddyann It already IS the norm! shock

I like when going into a shop if the person greets me and then just says something like, Let me know if you need any help.

I also worked with the public on the other side of a till in a high street grocer for a short while. Customers came in all varieties. Pleasant for the most part, some chin-waggers (held up the queue!), several grumps, etc. Someone actually complained that I did not hand her the coin change properly!

But the 'worst' was an older lady who bought a bottle of vodka every day without fail, smelled awful from the urine stains on her trousers, along with unwashed body and hair, but had a glorious smile and always wished us a nice day. After she left, staff would rush over to the till area and spray bathroom scent to cover up the stench. It was heart-breaking. sad

Synonymous Thu 27-Oct-16 12:09:52

Nankate Anything false grates. sad
(ref other thread - perhaps you need more than just the painkillers? Just a thought. smile)

When someone asks me how I am I usually laugh and say I really don't think you want to know all that and in fact we would need to sit down to go through it all! I usually get a laughing response and so they have done their job and I seem to have gained their attention - so perhaps it works?! hmm

Morgana Thu 27-Oct-16 12:12:43

My son used to work in retail and always chats to the shopkeepers. I find it hard to do so
Don't want them to think I'm a lonely old fartshock

MagicWriter2016 Thu 27-Oct-16 12:14:27

I am the opposite to you, if shop assistants, doctors etc don't address me as a human being I.e. acknowledge I am there I get very annoyed. Strange how we are all different and must be very confusing for staff smile

RAF Thu 27-Oct-16 12:23:09

I can put up with being asked how my day is going, but what really grates is when they keep up a running commentary on my shopping whilst putting it through the till. If I have flour and currants, they assume I am making a cake, and joke about coming round for tea. Flowers they assume are for someone's birthday. Cat food and I am an animal lover, etc. Thank goodness I am not a 'Tena Lady'!!