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AIBU to wish that my grandchildren have an opportunity to see me over the Christmas holiday

(27 Posts)
SJP Sat 24-Dec-16 09:16:18

Wise grannies, I have written to my sons ex partner to ask if the children would like to meet up with me or phone / Skype me during Christmas holiday. . Predictably I have not had a response. I asked my son to discuss with her and got a lukewarm response about not knowing her availability over Christmas. So my dilemma - do I let this go or just pick up the phone. I will wait until the main days are over incase Mum gets stressy to prevent spoiling Christmas and thought new year a better time as one of my grandchildren has a birthday early Jan as well. I have sent presents and written a personal letter to them but of course no idea if the children will get it. Any suggestions

Smileless2012 Sat 24-Dec-16 09:24:07

Sorry, no suggestions SJP but I do understand how you feel. Having not seen our eldest GC since he was 8 months old (he'll be 5 in January) and never having seen his brother who was 1 last month, I emailed our son in August and asked if we could see them; the silence was deafeningsad.

Actually I do have a suggestion, pick up the 'phone and ask her; what do you have to lose. Good luckflowers.

Mumsy Sat 24-Dec-16 10:08:55

Agree with smileless, pick up the phone and ask them what would be a suitable time for them to skype with you. It seems too often we walk around on eggshells for fear of upsetting our kids. good luck and happy xmas.

RedheadedMommy Sat 24-Dec-16 14:07:07

Is your son not seeing his Children over the Christmas period? Or talking/skyping with them?
Could you not see/talk to them when he does?

ninathenana Sat 24-Dec-16 23:20:58

D is not allowed to meet with or Skype her children as her ex dissaproves of her new partner. So we miss out too.

GrandmaJules Sun 25-Dec-16 09:09:33

Don't give up. I didn't see my son or granddaughter for quite some time. Keep sending cards, presents etc, and make it clear the door is always open. Happy Christmas, and good luck.

Luckylegs9 Sun 25-Dec-16 09:28:07

SJP pick up that phone and ring. What have you to lose? Wish no one had to go through this So hard, just hope it doesn't take over your life as it did mine for a time. The best way is to enjoy the other things in your life, who knows what the future holds.

Bibbity Sun 25-Dec-16 09:30:29

The general consensus is that the paternal family see the children on the fathers time. When has your son arranged to see them.
If he's not bothering to fascilitate the contact between you and the children then the problem lies with your son.

2mason16 Sun 25-Dec-16 09:37:12

Sorry but what does AIBU mean ! Don't understand some abbs!

GrandmaJules Sun 25-Dec-16 09:57:36

I had to google this, it's "am I being unreasonable"

Kim19 Sun 25-Dec-16 10:04:20

Just a very gentle text would be a starting point for me. Already done, in fact.

2mason16 Sun 25-Dec-16 10:27:54

Thanks grandmajules ! TTFN!

Blinko Sun 25-Dec-16 10:29:50

2mason16, just go to the top of this page and look under 'Acronyms. All the annoying abbreviations are there. Well, most of them, anyway smile Merry Christmas!

TriciaF Sun 25-Dec-16 11:32:02

I rarely see our grandchildren - they're all in their teens now.I thought of starting email contact with them, but eldest son said they probably won't reply, not regularly anyway.sad
For some time I used to write a news letter, make some copies and send them out - at least they were all hearing from us! But got lazy about that, maybe I should start again.

FarNorth Sun 25-Dec-16 16:42:43

SJP, maybe your son's lukewarm response was because he has to negotiate carefully to get his own access to the children and didn't want to complicate things further?

You are very sensible to wait till after xmas to ask anything of the children's mum. Best of luck.

Barmyoldbat Mon 26-Dec-16 01:01:34

TriciaF suggest you use facebook its a great way to keep in touch with teenagers, i have 4 teenage gc, this is how I get my Christmas greetings. Birthday wishes and messages of what you doung nan?

MargaretX Mon 26-Dec-16 10:37:34

Well I see mine, they are coming today but as to coming to see me or us I don't think they are bothered. They are teenagers and the cousins hang together and disappear up stairs where they have a bedroom with table and chairs ( but no computer).We hear a lot of laughing and there is a lot of running about but I am lucky if I get to talk to any one of them.
I consider this normal behaviour as I didn't want to talk to my grandparents much either. I see mine because my daughters want to see us and each other. Things haven't always been so harmonious and families have their ups and downs.
Maybe next Christmas will be better.

SJP Mon 26-Dec-16 22:52:50

Bibbity and Far north you are probably spot on. Son saw children just before Christmas. When I asked if we could arrange something over Christmas his response was I wouldn't bother, it would be too much hassle. His fear is his own contact will be jeopardised.

TriciaF Tue 27-Dec-16 09:31:36

Barmyoldbat - good idea, I've never joined facebook but maybe should.
By the way, your name is what some children once called me when they nearly knocked me over riding their bikes on the pavement - I had said 'get a bike bell!'

auntbett Wed 28-Dec-16 10:02:03

I do feel for all of you who don't get to see your grandchildren. Christmas has become a very sad time in my house. My son had to move back in with me after the split from his partner and he just keeps in his childhood bedroom most of the time when he's not at work. Access to his twins and his former partner's daughter (who he had helped to rear from 6 weeks old) has always been spasmodic and difficult. So, this has been the 2nd Christmas when he and I have not been able to see them or even speak to them. I've sent all their presents to their maternal gran in Wales. I may well get them back eventually!

riosgrandma Thu 29-Dec-16 15:58:48

2mason16 thank you for asking that question - I have puzzled over it for ages!!!

Mair Thu 29-Dec-16 17:59:56

Agree with Kim19, a text is better than a phone call. It gives her time to think rather than provoking a reaction as a phone call might.

If you can grow a bit of a text/WhatsApp relationship with former DIL that can help promote being at least a small part of your GCs lives.

SJP Fri 30-Dec-16 11:26:00

Hi done the text before but does not prompt a response. She has made it clear that she does not wish to communicate with me at all and I must communicate through son, but he is having conversations from a disadvantaged position and does not manage conflict or her particularly well. I know he has tried and is frustrated by her behaviour

kittylester Fri 30-Dec-16 12:35:43

DD3 refuses to see her ex's parents (for perfectly good reasons) but they do see the children when they are with their father - would that work in this case.

I haven't read the whole thread so apologise if this has been mentioned. Also, I'm not implying that there are valid reasons for you being excluded just explaining DD''S situation.

kittylester Fri 30-Dec-16 13:24:12

And, do you want to see them or for them to see you?