to think acknowledging gifts is only polite?

Must be me but unless I arrange everything, make contact etc I think my close family would have drifted away completely and the subject of a proper 'thank you' for a gift is one example where I would just expect it to be good manners to at least acknowledge the fact that someone has gone out of their way to select a gift for that special person and to thank them for thinking of them. I stopped sending birthday and Christmas presents to 2 nephews and 2 nieces after a few years of having to ask my Mother to ask my brother if they had liked their presents as it was the only way I ever found out!

I think it is best to ring or text them yourself - thanking them for your own gift or card, etc. or just to say "hello". Much better to initiate a chat yourself than brood about it. It is all too easy to become embittered and not helpful in the long run.

During the year I have helped out my Sons partner in various ways because my son is away and not able to help her, this has involved paying for emergency pet bills, child care 2 afternoons a week every week, looking after and feeding her dog on a regular basis, my husband has repaired her car, kept her lawn tidy, repaired the boiler.... the list goes on. She has gone to stay with her family in Leeds for The Christmas holiday and she did not let me see my Granddaughter before Christmas, she has not even given me a Christmas card let alone a gift and when I left her a text message wishing her a merry Christmas and asking if the grandchildren liked their gifts - she has a daughter from a previous relationship, who I treat as my own, she has not even had the manners to reply! To say I am hurt is an understatement especially as I have not given her any reason to be so off with me.

Thank you 'f77' and 'mum...' I appreciate your thoughts. I'm seeing a counsellor now so hopefully it will help me to come to terms with the awful 'rejection' I feel. And.... Reading others' notes on here makes me realise I'm not alone in this, and there are lots of Grannies who are much worse off than me. Hope 2017 is a good/better year for you all ...

MaggieMay, f77, Maidmarion and all. I hate that I too have the expectations that JUST THIS ONCE things will be different......I will get a genuine happy "thank you", that my efforts won't be ignored, or misinterpreted. Maybe this isn't a new phenomenon - maybe estrangement, and selfish, careless behaviour has happened all through generations before us. I think social media has brought all this out in the open. Hugs to all who are in pain today. Don't let the hurt of rejection take away from the joy of buying and sending those gifts!

Boadicea, one thought that occurs is that family Christmases can be manically busy with so many things to think about, that it might be a simple oversight, and whilst this is very disappointing, perhaps it is understandable. I'm also in the camp of those who say take the initiate and ring/skype whatever. Don't brood on it and don't let it come between you. On the topic of 'thank you' letters, we usually didn't write them, largely because my brother was dyslexic and it would have been very hard for him to do it, but mother used to telephone and we were handed the phone to say our piece. My aunt (otherwise lovely) used to complain bitterly each year that she never got thank you letters from the many nieces and nephews and Mum got so sick of hearing it, she eventually pointed out that in all the years she'd been sending gifts to my aunt's sons, they had never once written or telephoned to say thank you. She never complained again!

Of course people should acknowledge gifts, but life today is so busy that many people just don't get round to saying "thank you". Boadicea, you should certainly phone or email now to ask if your parcel has arrived if you haven't heard by now.

My mum was a stickler for expecting thank you letters from my kids. When they were little they wrote them or phoned. However by age 16 one son was so stroppy he refused to either phone or write. To keep the peace I would type a letter from him and send it to my mum. She would then say to me please thank A for his lovely letter. Oh the deceit!

There are some very sad stories on here, and my heart goes out to those of you who are estranged from family. Yes, yes, I get that people are busy and all that, but how long does it take to send just one text message to your mother wishing her happy Christmas? I drive hundreds of miles to see them 3-4 times a year, taking veges from my garden, meat, home baking, give money till it hurts for car repairs, music lessons, overdue bills ..but no-one ever contacts me - oh, i forgot, I had a 2-word text for my birthday.

My DDs now in their thirties and married don't send thank you letters to DH and me but always sent a thank you letter to MIL (she died this year) and they send thank you letters to other relatives and friends. As soon as they could write they sent thank you letters. When they were children DD2 used to make a list as we opened presents so they knew who to thank for what. DD2 used to write her letters on Boxing Day to get them out of the way! Both wrote proper letters, not just a line on the bottom of a greetings card. Both GCs (aged 5 and 15) send thank you letters. I'm pleased and proud that they do this.

I get so mad when pressies are not acknowledged or thanked. Eventually I stopped sending them! An e mail or text is fine by me. I do need to know if something I send gets there, even if they say " it's sent thanks but we ll open it on the day"
It's rude and ignorant to ignore it!

I've stopped sending birthday and Christmas gifts to a person who has not thanked me or acknowledged the presents in almost thirty years. Looking back I think I must be mad - this year I just decided very suddenly that if she couldn't bother to even acknowledge my gifts then they would stop. I can't say I've felt bad about it and she seemingly doesn't care so - I'll give the money to charity!

Why, oh why, do we keep on giving, sometimes till it hurts, not getting any thanks, but still half expecting a thank you? Because we are their parents, and/or, grandparents, and we will almost always, be there to pick up the pieces I suppose.

Text or email and ask if the gifts arrived. That simple. That neutral. At least you'll then know. Some people need a nudge, even when they have been brought up to send thank you notes.

After you know, if you get a response, you can go on to consider whether to send gifts again. I don't think non-communication automatically means there is a lack of gratitude, just a change in attitudes about thank yous.

If you don't get a response, have a virtual hug from me.

When me and my sisters were little kids growing up in the fifties Santa always brought us a post office set consisting of cute little envelopes,writing paper and pretend stamps and by the end of Boxing Day we had to write all our thank you letters using the set,it was quite fun and I'm pretty sure all our aunties who were good enough to send us gifts appreciated the effort we made

Oh that's really sad to hear, I am so sorry. I had a fall out with my daughter when my grandchildren were small which lasted a few months and it made me ill. I know how you feel. I really hope it can be resolved. Life's too short for this! Love going out to you ❤?

What everyone seems to have missed here is that the family have not been in contact even to say Merry Christmas. How rude and selfish they are! My children are both abroad and would not DREAM of not skyping on Christmas Day. I have to admit they were never good at sending thank you letters but they always managed to phone or skype their grandparents while they were alive. It doesn't take much effort after all! I bet your ungrateful children/grandchildren would soon be in touch if you didn't send them anything.

year after year not a single thank you or any response to the gifts I gave to the gc, even when I spoke to them on Christmas Day. So one year I sent no gifts at all and that did bring a response! I accept a thank you or response in any form, even facebook, a simple thank you nan is fine

Thanks, tidy and that. Exactly so. The best of the season to you ! xxx

Surely it can't be just our generation who expect to be thanked for cards and gifts! I know that the younger parents are frantically busy, but saying thank you, Skping or emailing should naturally be a part of their busy schedules. It is not unreasonable to be hurt by a lack of acknowledgement. I feel so sorry for those grandparents who give gifts without receiving thanks, it is very hurtful. and hugs to all of you who have experienced this this year.

I disagree about contacting them and asking if they got the presents, a thank you that you have to ask for is not worth having.
I gave my son all the presents for him, his wife and my 3 GC before the day so they could open them on Christmas morning.
Although I saw them late afternoon, DIL did not even mention her presents or the gift card I put in with cash for her.
However she was quick enough in texting me 2 days later to see if I'd babysit through the day so she could go out for lunch (Son was going to work).

Just had an email from a friend's GS aged 12. I send them each £5 in a Christmas card.

It was just one word 'thanks' and that's annoyed me. Surely he could have written something like 'dear Anya, thanks for the Christmas money'?

His mother would be furious if she knew!! I think I'll reply with just a '?'

I would let it go Anya!!

OP I think it's perfectly okay to ask if parcels sent by you especially if ordered online have arrived. Things do go astray. But you posted on Christmas Day in the afternoon - and while you might be gutted not to have heard from your children/gc I wonder if you have now? If not, phone to wish them happy 2017 and ask if the gifts arrived.

I tend not to send to people who don't thank, whatever their age. And a single word thanks by text doesn't count. On the other hand I've just had a lovely letter from a 12yo who's never thanked me before. And my child's learnt to write to thank in its early Twenties having given up in its teens. So there's really no telling.

Have just read this thread and agree that acknowledgement of receipt of a parcel is basic courtesy. Emails, notes, phone calls of thanks, very appreciated.

I wonder if BoadiceiaJones has heard from the recipients of her kind gifts as it is now 14 Jan.
I do hope they have been in touch.